What's your worst ever date...?

[Fozziebearmum]

I once went on an internet date...we'd been chatting for a week or two online and he seemed normal. But after 5 MINS of meeting, he went to the toilet and returned to say...

• he really liked me had just called his friends to tell them and I could meet them next time
• that he needed to be straight with me that he was having a back operation (didn't sound like a big deal so had no idea why he was even telling me)

And... It later became apparent he didn't have a BA which was listed on his profile. He'd never been to uni, but had in fact been single for a while and thought that that's what the online question had meant when asked if he has a Bachelor of Arts....

There must be better ones out there than this though!

When I asked him to stop groping.....he said 'come on, I could have pushed you down and raped you if I wanted'.

Nice.

A colleague asked me for a drink and I said yes. I didn't think anything would come of it, but I thought it would be fun.

I was sober, but he proceeded to get utterly smashed. No signs of attraction on either side - we were sitting at opposite sides of a pub table. So I was hugely surprised when he asked if I fancied a quickie...
I asked him if he liked sex and travel. He got the hint.

We left, and he asked if he could come back to mine for a cup of tea as he'd missed his bus. Tough shit. He had to walk 4 miles back to his parents' house.

The funny thing is that he avoided me at work for ages afterwards (which is good as I couldn't stop laughing) and we ended up being friends.

elder!

Pleeeease can this thread go in classics, it's going to die soon :(

Omg, been on some crap ones but my worse one was my very first date where he didn't even show up. I confronted him about it and he said he couldn't be bothered... Reading some of these I think I got off lightly.... Sheesh.... I always hated dates anyway!

On Valentine's Day, the day of lovers, I think it's only fitting I share mine. Some of the memories maybe hazy due to alcohol at the time and the passing years and the mind blocking out the awfulness of them. I've had to name change as some RL friends are on MN and may recognise me if they read this.

1. Agreed to have dinner with a friend of a friend. I got there and he'd cooked Linda McCartney pie (burnt), with lumpy thick gravy and a giant pile of brussel sprouts. I hate sprouts. Think I drank lots to wash it all down. We then went up to his room (it was a shared house) where he played songs on his guitar while I cringed. Think I snogged him to stop him playing the guitar/singing.

1. First date at the cinema followed by drinks when he told me he'd been raped as a teenager and his girlfriend had been killed in coach crash. I didn't see him again, I was young and immature and didn't know how to handle so much tragedy. Best friend was annoyed because she was hoping he could get her a job in his company.

1. I was living in Japan during the World Cup in 2002, met a very cute guy one night, then had a date with him a few days later. I missed my train home because Japan won a match so we ended up in a Love Hotel. Nothing happened, I had the worst period ever, and he ended up telling me how much he loved his ex girlfriend and he wished he was dead. I gave him a strong talking to and told him not to be so selfish. What a waste of a night in a love hotel. He actually rang and tried to meet again, but I was really busy.

1. In a Southern European country. Met a guy in a pub, we had a snog. He rang me the next night around midnight to ask what I was doing. I said I was doing the washing up then going to bed. Think he was trying to be sexy and try it on. Anyway, I was being sensible and agreed to meet him for a coffee the next day.

We were having a walk and making small talk. He told me he "likes to make sport", "Make sport?", "Oh yes I make a lot of sport" and lifted his t-shirt to show me his 6 pack. We went to a coffee bar near his house, he practically ignored me chatting to the waitress, then another customer about football. Then he insisted we go to his house to meet his mother! When we get there she's still in her night clothes (it's about 1pm) eating a ham sandwich. Turns out she's suffering terribly from depression, he starts shouting at her for not being dressed and she should be ashamed of herself. She won't speak to me directly, asks the arsehole questions about me, but I replied to her directly using the local language. We then go to his room so he can play me some Beatles records I refuse to sit next to him and told him that he was absolutely horrible to his mother. He told me I had a problem and maybe I was frigid I agreed and said I had to go and escaped in one piece. I saw him about a year later in the GP's waiting room with his DW or DP. I felt sorry for her, and even sorrier for his mother.

1. Then there's the obnoxious twat who asked me if it is true that English people don't shower. I told him that of course it isn't true. He was being a dick about it so I told him he was being offensive, he claimed he was just trying to find out about cultural differences Then he asked if he could come back to my place! Err, no!

Finally met DP. He's lovely!

Oh my - there have been so many awful ones!

The worst was definitely when a friend of my sister's asked her if he could take me out. Under pressure I said yes. How I wished I hadn't. We went to a local pub, , he chewed gum the entire time (he even tried to kiss me at the end with it still in - urgh!) And trying to get conversation out of him was like getting blood out of a stone. It turned out he was into DIY.

Whenever I asked him what he liked, did at weekend etc he shrugged and said 'mmm, nothing really - I like my home' and kept looking at the decor and saying that would look fab in my kitchen/living room etc. No other interests, nothing to say.

I made my excuses and left as quickly as possible. He rang up several times and couldn't understand why I wouldn't repeat it.

I've been lucky with dates but poor old DP has had a one night stand previously (pissed and the girl wasn't his type so naughty him anyway) who came over to his house at 10pm and still slept with him sober herself but him being drunk and it was a disaster, he couldn't get it up properly and she got the raging hump and spread rumours about them going out for six months and him being secretly gay and wanting to try fisting and all this other stuff. Very strange girl. This was four years ago and up till 2012 she was still claiming he was an "ex" of hers who was crazy.

I've had a few...

arty guy who appeared in one of keffiyeh (Yasser Arafat type) scarves... we saw a David Shrigley exhibition - not my thing especially as one exhibit is a dead rat under a wall I think... I joked I'd kick it to see if it was alarmed...

small guy I met whilst speed-dating seemed ok but not my type. we wandered round London whilst he told me a few dodgy stories involving ex-GF and she owing him money - afterwards I got a text saying something about snow and stars very Twilight-esque, and creepy. pressed delete.

I spent an hour with a very nice, demure girl and chatted very pleasantly. We had a great time for an hour or two and left with us both agreeing to another date. Five minutes after leaving I received a text reading 'Just to let you know, I would really love it if you pissed all over me next time we meet'.

I've had some skelpers. One was with a guy who kept saying 'serious alligator'

In completely different contexts...

'One time my friend Gary got caught up to no good, you know, a case of serious alligator!'

Then

'Oh I don't really like that pub/band... serious alligator.' but then he also used it in a positive context 'She's really nice, serious alligator'

Still bothers me to this day...

I once had a date with the man who put up my fence. He talked immediately about how I could meet his mum [after an hour], and our apparently forthcoming holiday together [obviously my 2 sons were not invited/included in his plans]!

I was starving, didn't get even a bread roll from behind the bar, just shared a packet of peanuts. I wasn't happy.

I was less happy when we literally ran out of petrol [!] on the way home and ended up pushing his works van up a slope......

Then he asked if he could see me again. Speechless.

....that's when he wasn't moaning about how his wife had left him and how awful he felt.

I'm printing this thread out for when I need cheering up!

Not the worst date I've had, but the most cringeworthy - was with a guy who'd been in a band with an ex (who'd stalked me...another story).
Thing is, because we'd spent so much time together at gigs etc. I'd thought it was a friendly catch up, he was quite socially awkward and had a quirky sense of humour (which I actually like) and found it hard to make friends, so I thought he just wanted to keep the, erm, 'connection' open.

Anyway I meet up with him, he's got cinema tickets, to see Perfume...
In the cinema he grabs hold of my hand at the part where he's sniffing the dead girl, then would not let go the whole time. We come out of the movie and he goes to his car, and gets out a box. "I've got you a present" he says. It's a Bart simpson money box. "It's Bart Simpsons head" he states.
Then he leans in for a kiss.

Thank goodness my sister text me, I pretended she was upset and I had to go look after her.

I felt so awful, but there was just 0% attraction on my side, I couldn't even bring myself to hug him goodbye!

He emailed me for another 3 weeks after that, asking when we could 'do it again'. Argh.

My worst one was at Uni when a seemingly nice guy asked me out. We went for dinner and after about ten minutes he said ' Excuse me but I need to point Percy at the porcelain' - took me a few seconds to recover from that one but I thought he might be nervous and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt... Sadly on his return he went through a list of all the other names people might have for that body part. Seem to remember Harvey was also mentioned.... why why why??

Just remembered another one - I was 19, had met a guy in a club, so assumed he was also 18+..
Met up the next week for drinks/dinner, turns out he's 17 and cannot handle his drink, combined with being nervous and drinking a lot (I had a small glass of wine) = me stopping the car on the way back to his so he can throw up... a lot.

Testament to my lovliness I actually went out with him for a bit, he had a horrible home life and I helped him sort some stuff out with his Mum (who'd moved out with her girlfriend after the guy had walked in on the two of them and told his Dad) and went on my merry way!

When I was about 16 I I went on a "date" with a lad from college, it consisted of me buying m own chips and then sitting under the subway in town, I was talking and put my hand on his thigh (near his knee!) while trying to get him to listen to my (totally in sex related) point at which point he ejaculated loudly in his pale blue jeans which showed through badly. I made my excuses and left.

A friend of my older brother once asked me out, but he was scared for my brother to find out so told me to beer him at the bus terminus, I didn't know that was where the buses turned round at the top of my road so sat in the bus station for an hour, we both thought we'd been stood up! Eventually met and he took me home to his mums house where he snuck me up to his bedroom and kicked his grandad out as they shared a room!
Dear reader 14 years later I'm married to him with 2year old ds! I'd love To say he redeemed himself but I must just be really forgiving!!

Told me to meet him

Brace yourself ...

So this guy asks me out for a second date..lunch and a drink at a local pub...(nothing weird) , get there and discover he's brought his mum

she introduces herself and seems nice enough, then offers to go to the bar to get a bottle of wine for us whilst I wonder why anyone over the age of 5 would bring their mother on a date

Fast forward about 7 minutes and she has drank 99% of the wine and is off ordering another ...fast forward another like 3 mins and she is on the third bottle ..by this point she starts to get to that drunk stage where she's talking like she has headphones in oh dear the guy on the other hand is chatting away oblivious like this is a perfectly normal scenario and not bizarre at all.

A group of people then sit down on the table next to us and his mum starts leaning over tryin to chat up the dad of the family -despite his wife and children being on the same table...despite the fact the poor guy is clearly uncomfortable, uninterested and looks close to tears and she looks like she is about to get decked by the wife- she continues to embarrass herself.

She then announces she is goin to the loo - but clearly is drunker than she thinks, misjudges her step and proceeds to fall on our table, knocking it over and smashing all the glass and drinks etc

Whilst on a heap on the floor, sitting in glass she is asked to leave by the staff - she refuses and then starts to cry - what the actual fuck- so they have to lift her up and take her out the side door ........but not before she's pissed herself in front of the whole pub.

Funny, I didn't call him back for a third date

My worst date..he was actually married and just looking for one thing. I thought I was too at the time, but he turn up in his large van, expecting to go out for a drink then get down to business in the back.
I was so nervous I got very very drunk. Don't remember much, but I certainly so didn't go into the back of the van..I remember making him listen to my favourite boney M music on the pub jukebox, then him dropping me off rather disgustedly home when I could hardly walk.

Might teach him not to try and cheat..! ;)

My friend worked at the leisure centre as a lifeguard and fixed me up with a blind date with his friend who was also a lifeguard and 'a bit shorter than me' said my friend who was 5 foot 10.

I am only 5 foot 2 and the date was about an inch taller than me... in built up shoes. Not that I've any thing against short men, and things might have been ok but he just moaned and whinged all the time, and said things like 'I hate shaving' and obviously hadn't bothered for the date!

I'd got myself all worked up for a Baywatch type date and got benny fekking hill.

Then there was the one who I met at a friend's party who arranged to meet me for a lunch date near my work (city centre Manchester so plenty of nice places). He;d seemed ok when I was tipsy at the party but on the date was pompous and arrogant, and seemed to assume that we would be sleeping together very soon 'you really are a very attractive woman and I certainly do want to have sex with you' (eeek, at lunchtime in a busy restaurant!!).

Then when the bill came the waitress and I were rolling our eyes at each other as he pulled out one after another cards from his wallet deciding which one to use...

I have NEVER been so glad to rush back to work.

Oh and the one that friends set me up with, who had mountain biking as a mutual interest. He pulled a face that my bike was better than his, then let me go ahead up all the hills.

Until he spotted any other bikers when he would suddenly get a spurt on and go in front of me.

Which covered me in mud as his bike didn't have a rear mudguard....

Oh and that weirdo that didn't even get as far as the first date.We had only exchanged numbers about 2 days beforehand and were texting. During a perfectly innocent conversation about how our days have been he randomly sent me a picture of his penis -which was largely concealed by his gut.

I politely asked him to refrain for several reasons.

We hardly knew each other
I didn't ask/need/want one
I was on a job(I'm a plumber) at my friends Nan's house
His penis was small.

He obvs thought I was playing hard to get so kept on texting every 30 seconds after that asking for pictures back and all manner of cringy things like what's my favourite body oil and am I comfortable being naked in front of a camera

Excuse me while I go and vomit all over again.

I once went on a date with a lawyer. He picked me up in his unroadworthy car and whilst bombing along the road, proudly announced that he never pays any speeding/parking fines! He took me to a Mexican restaurant and I kept noticing a group at the next table were watching me constantly. He later introduced them as his friends! He had invited them along to check me out. I decided he wasn't my type and ignored his constant phone calls. The following week he turned up at my workplace, demanding £50 which he claims he spent on me at the Mexican restaurant. I had him escorted from the building...