Settle in folks....
Met a guy in a bar - after work drinks. I was pretty pissed and in a great mood, gave him my number.
He sent texts and emails - banter for a few weeks then asking me on a date.
I blew him out twice at very short notice - work commitments once, second night I had got my first cleaner and arrived home to a gleaming, scented house complete with a box of Maltesers and a bottle of wine. No way was I schlepping back into town. 
He got a bit haughty, I felt guilty so I offered to buy dinner as an apology. I got a 2 for 1 with toptable at a Swedish restaurant on a ship near the Tower of London. Result!
It was pissing it down when I got there. Couldn't get a taxi. He thought I had stood him up and was waiting in the pouring rain, fuming. So the first thing he did was have a go at me! And he wasn't at all as I'd remembered.
We got on board, and in the bad weather it was really lurching around. We sat in the bar to wait for our table and within 5 minutes he mentioned my knee boots in a really letchy way. That was the only mention of me, then he started talking about his big job in IT, how very few people could do it, how important he was. (he was like that IT guy in "The Office")
He then gave me a present. I opened the bag and it was a t shirt nightie with a huge tweety bird on it. I just didn't know what to say. Bearing in mind I was in fashion buying - and he knew this. Plus it was about 6 sizes too big!
He reminded me that dinner was on me (obviously that meant all the drinks) so I went to the bar. Barman was hysterical - offered me a double. I think he could hear my date. Then in my second visit up he gave me a sneaky schnapps to neck at the bar.
At dinner and he started grilling my qualifications with a head tilt - because of my trade I must have done sewing at college.
Err no science. I felt like I had to defend myself, my job was seen as menial, frivolous but an okay way to spend my time until a husband came along. His job again he reminded me, was without a doubt the most important job in the world, and there was no way I was ever going to earn as much as him. 
I got through the meal with a few more visits to the bar, but started to feel very seasick and pissed. I ended up chucking up in the bathroom. I tried to excuse myself as unwell. He reminded me that I had to pay, (oh yes) and that he'd walk me to the bridge.
As we walked around the dock he randomly started to talk about travel, and how well travelled he was and then he said loudly "aaaaah Paris, where I fell in love with the music of Jean Michel Jarre...."
Some people behind us started pissing themselves laughing.
Got up the steps at Tower Bridge and thank fuck I saw my bus coming. I flagged it down and while waiting for it to get to the stop he tried to lean in for a full on the mouth kiss. It was that night when David Blaine was going up into the air in a glass box. I tried to distract him by shouting "Ooh look, David Blaine..." and I turned to point.
He ended up sort of sucking/slurping my cheek instead. I didn't stop for a reaction, I shouted bye and ran like hell and jumped on the bus. (bless you routemasters) I could see him running along the pavement behind the bus trying to get on. I was just willing the bus not to stop.
By the time I'd gotten home he'd emailed me with a critique of the date (what I'd done right and wrong) but forgivingly deemed me worthy of another date and possible relationship.
In the morning there was another mail, asking why I hadn't responded. I sent a mail saying I wasn't interested, but thanks for the evening, good luck for the future etc.
He sent me a mail everyday for about two weeks. In the end I asked a friend to call him and warn him off. My friend told him he was my husband and had found out about the date! 