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Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
Hissy · 31/01/2014 19:13

What a fucking liar! He's had all this time to come up with that?

This is the cheat's script. There's way more to come out.

Just don't buy it.

Look at him and say that you know, and then tell him you are not going to even entertain holding a conversation with him unless he spills it ALL. NOW.

Then say nothing more. NOTHING.

Silence is the best negotiation method you have.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 19:25

Lion, I did actually ask my friend to do exactly that, I dont think I could face speaking to her myself. My friend called me after I posted and said that she asked her to please stop contacting her after this. The woman said her and this other woman were in the office looking at pics from her latest shopping trip, and she took pics in various outfits undecided if she's going to take them back, this is something she does apparently and my friend said she sounded sincere. He then brought her the coffee, she put phone down on desk, he picked it up saying is that you?! And she got a bit embarrassed as he zoomed in, trying to take it back and explaining about taking it back and he told her that she shouldn't take it back. He then disappeared leaving his wallet and keys on the reception desk and was gone for about 20 minutes, then the womans friend said he's obviously gone for a 'certain kind of shower' as he ran off in such a rush

Urgh

OP posts:
Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 19:28

OK, well. Make of that what you will.
I see a woman who has asked for her phone back having her privacy abused. He refused to give it back and found a photo of her in undies and then, straight away and very obviously, went for a wank. At work.

I don't think HR would like any of that, so I have no doubt how that makes you feel as his wife. Sad
Please look after yourself.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 19:37

Sorry just to clarify the taking it back vs not taking it back was about the lingerie not the phone, I phrased that badly

OP posts:
hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 19:38

Ew, that's all a bit teenage! Good lord

mammadiggingdeep · 31/01/2014 19:42

Well, I've read the first 3 pages... And the last two. It's as if everyone mentioned is about 15 years of age...

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 19:42

How is it teenage? Playing with fire on my partners part, I can see but dont get teenage

OP posts:
hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 20:03

Flirting by 'Accidentally' showing naughty photos of yourself. Feigning enbaressment and outrage. My niece does this.

Making it clear you're going for a wank in response to seeing a sexy photo , that's not the actions of a nature man.

Imagine it played out in a classroom.

hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 20:04

Mature not nature

Anyway you seem to be capable of acting a bit teenage too, so maybe you don't see it as abnormal.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 20:09

From what she said/I said, I genuinely dont think she showed it to him on purpose...it would have been clairvoyant of her to know that he'd been to buy her a coffee, was on his way to the office to her and for her to be talking to her friend on exactly that picture when he walked in

And believe me, I dont take 'defending' her lightly. Also, if you wanted to show him, I think she just would have rather than go to rhat effort

OP posts:
hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 20:13

Oh come on. There's a bloke you fancy over there. You're keenly aware of him. Play it a different way. She sees him over by the coffee machine, and just knows he'll come over cause there's been a frisson for weeks. So she starts showing the sexy selfies to her friend.

hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 20:14

How old are you and your DS by the way?

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 20:18

We are 35

And thats not what happened, he'd been out at a meeting and stopped at Costaand bought her one too. Her and friend were in an office with no windows (I've seen it for myself) so unless shes got x ray eyes and GPS on my partner, it couldn't have been planned. She also said the pic wasn't a 'sexy' one, it was literally her standing there looking in a mirror

OP posts:
Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 20:19

I actually think by this point she didn't want anything to do with him.
I believe her and his story works with it. He also sees no shame in wanking over this woman, blatantly, in the showers at their work.
OP, please do get some support. Your omission of confirming that you have found some says volumes. He will drip feed and you don't need this taking up your every waking moment.
You do sound very calm though, so well done. You don't have to be strong all of the time though, so if you can get to see a counsellor, please do (then you can let rip with tears and accusations to your hearts content Smile )

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 20:22

Lion - there would be no need to go for a shower leaving your keys and wallet on the desk out in the open unless that's what he was doing is it?

Im glad im sounding calmer, but its almost a numb edge to me in real life. Im assuming it's some sort of survival mechanism

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 31/01/2014 20:27

I'm 35... If I was showing a mate pics of me in undies (wtf?!) I can assure you no guy at work would be looking at that pic. If he picked up my phone I'd be knocking him out to get that phone back.

The whole thing is total bollocks...

hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 20:29

Well if you want to exonerate her fine. But he sounds like a dick

hooochycoo · 31/01/2014 20:30

Yeah I think it sounds like total bollocks.

At best just bollocks.

Your bloke is a dick who thinks with his dick

Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 20:31

In all honesty, no. It is clear he was wanking in there, sorry.
He has practically told you that himself, only substituting 'wank' for the word 'cold'...
Don't dwell. Men wank over a lot of things in my experience. The fact is all of the lying and emotional attachment he has to her has taken away from your relationship. As I previously said, I couldn't trust him again.

Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 20:32

Hooochycoo 'she' isn't the problem - OP's hubby had everything to loose here, not the OW.

Lioninthesun · 31/01/2014 20:34

Just read your update post again and you didn't mention a 'cold shower' so sorry, for some reason I imagined that when I read it!

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 20:35

Mama I dont know why you being 35 is relevant to the picture, but if it makes any difference to you, she's ten years younger

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 20:38

Lion, to be fair I may as well have. There would be no reason to tell me he went for a shower within minutes of seeing her otherwise...

Im also quite WTF at the fact he left his wallet and house/car keys out for anyone who came in to steal...he'd have to be seriously pre occupied to do that

OP posts:
magoria · 31/01/2014 20:39

None of that explains why he was spending time with his arms all over her etc.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 31/01/2014 20:42

No, magoria, it doesn't

OP posts: