Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dumpable offence?

135 replies

keepingthelidon · 26/01/2014 08:53

Have been seeing a man for a few weeks, Last time i saw him we have sex for the first time and it was nice
. Saw him again last night, expected more of the same, but he made no moves towards me, wasnt affectionate at all. When we did finally kiss, i took him upstairs where he made no moves on me, but happily recieved some oral. he was naked and i was fully dressed. I was somewhat put out, but thought, ok, maybe he had just been enjoying it too much, so waited around for a second go.
He said the words ' do you want me to put my willy inside you' to which i burst out laughing, because its just not sexy, at all. We did for a bit, swapped position, and then he complained he was being bent in a weird way, so i moved and then he just laid there and didnt restart anything, while i lay there feeling awkward and rejected. After a bit of time i said i needed to sleep and he left.

The whole thing, to me, felt awkward and like he wasnt enjoying any of it, which is quite confusing.

Other than that we had a nice time, but my immediate reaction is to dump as im no longer interested.

views?

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 26/01/2014 08:54

You really need to ask?

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 26/01/2014 08:56

Yes!
Sounds excruciating!

expatinscotland · 26/01/2014 08:58

Dump.

keepingthelidon · 26/01/2014 08:59

Not really, I feel like dumping him, did last night. My friends say im rather quick to react and dont think things through, which is true :)

I like him as a person, we had a nice time, bar the sex thing. I dont know if its worth seeing him again to see if it happens again, or just dumping now.

My interest level totally bombed.

OP posts:
keepingthelidon · 26/01/2014 09:02

It was pretty awkward. Im not sure any red blooded male would do nothing, if 3 seconds ago they had a naked woman astride them. I cant figure out what happened really. One min i was on top, then he said he was being bent a weird way, i got off and then nothing. nothing happened. I tried touching him again but he didnt reciprocate, so that made it worse and i just lay there feeling awkward as hell and frustrated as i had given him an orgasm 30 mins previously.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 26/01/2014 09:02

Why waste your time? He's a shite shag. Dump and find someone else.

SanityClause · 26/01/2014 09:07

Sex should be exhilarating, fun, if a bit fumbley, at this stage.

If it's unsatisfactory now, how will it be in six months time? Let alone longer.

I mean, it's not as if he was trying different things, but they weren't quite right - you learn how to please a partner over time. He didn't try anything at all. Did you even cum? You don't mention it.

Sparklysilversequins · 26/01/2014 09:07

Yes dump immediately.

At best he's just a dreadful shag at worst he was getting something out of you trying to have sex with him and him being unresponsive.

SanityClause · 26/01/2014 09:09

Sorry, x posted.

Just move on. Sex may not be everything, and you do learn how to please each other, but only if both of you are interested in learning!

Dump him. Don't waste anymore thoughgt or energy on him.

VivienStanshall · 26/01/2014 09:09

Sounds like it's already over.

chantico · 26/01/2014 09:11

First time was "nice"

Second time, he wasn't that interested that mpnight, but you dragged him off anyhow and it didn't go well.

You've only known him a few weeks.

You expect him to behave in a stereotypical "red-blooded" way.

Early dating is about finding out what the other person is like. It seems, from the info you've posted, that he doesn't fit your expectation of red-blooded. If that's a deal breaker for you, then end the relationship.

Doha · 26/01/2014 09:12

Unanimous dumping opinion on MN

MeridianB · 26/01/2014 09:14

It's odd behaviour and I can't imagine what it was all about. But then I'd recommend that you you don't waste any time dwelling on it. Or him.

With some men, you may never ever get to the bottom of odd behaviour and just end up even more confused with a risk if damaging your own self esteem.

I think there might a chapter in 'He's just not that into you' which covers this - "If his penis is inside you and he doesn't want to have sex then he's just not that into you".

livingzuid · 26/01/2014 09:15

Nope get rid. Sounds pretty selfish to me. It should be a frenzy at this stage not nice and then awkward!

chantico · 26/01/2014 09:17

No, Doha I'm on the fence.

And probably wouldn't dump, unless he continued not to take any initiative. For sexual competence is a learned skill, and much more subject to remedy than character traits. But as OP hasn't said so much about his character, it's harder to consider - and perhaps she doesn't know in such a short amount of time.

But as she outright laughed at him, perhaps he's better off without her?

Handywoman · 26/01/2014 09:18

Ew it sounds awful! Pleeeeese dump him!

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 26/01/2014 09:23

But as she outright laughed at him, perhaps he's better off without her?
How would you have responded to "would you like me to put my willy inside you" chantico? I'd have definitely laughed, out of shock if anything

gamerchick · 26/01/2014 09:24

It didn't sound as if he was keen on having sex in the first place but went along with it...but being laughed at? Poor bastard.

If a man had came on and wrote that post.. what would the replies have been I wonder.

Yes it doesn't sound as if you were compatible.

chantico · 26/01/2014 09:30

No idea how I'd react! Though I have first hand experience of some weirdnesses and have never burst out laughing.

People say stupid things, and I'd find it mortifying to the point of irrecoverable to be laughed at in the bedroom because of poor phrasing. I think if I'd been on the receiving end of laughter, I'd be seeking to end the relationship.

Perhaps I'm coming off the fence towards 'there's no future in it' even though my reasoning is different.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 26/01/2014 09:31

I can't see this going anywhere special from here to be honest. The willy thing, unless said as part of a joke/general banter is odd IMO. It all sounds like it's gone cold early on and he sounds like a selfish type too. Dump.

Christmascandles · 26/01/2014 09:31

I tried to flip this around to think about why would I act like he did.... And I came up with he's not ready for this kind of relationship maybe because he was recently dumped by someone, he already has a gf and is feeling guilty or maybe is v inexperienced (shall I put my willy... Blush)

If he's otherwise ok then maybe treat this more as a friendship rather then anything else.

TinselTownley · 26/01/2014 09:35

Does he live with his mum? In her basement? Does he spend his days drinking tea she makes for him while playing RPGs?

Get rid, immediately. It doesn't sound like either of you will be particularly bothered. My only question would be why you started seeing such an ill match at all? Surely no relationship is better than any relationship?

Ewwwwww.

keepingthelidon · 26/01/2014 09:39

Theres clearly no future in it, i could tell that last night.

Either he doesnt fancy me at all, or is very sexually un-confident. He isnt a shy person so i have a hard time thinking its the latter.

He was interested in kissing and burying his head between my boobs, maybe i mistook that as a sign he wanted to have sex. Usually when you have been seeing someone and first have sex, its then a whole lot of sex for a while, because its fun.

And i couldnt help but laugh at the ' do you want me to put my willy inside you' thing, because its an odd thing to say, i think i just laughed and said noone had ever asked me that before, and grabbed his hand and put it between my legs or something.

I dont know, im not chasing after someone whos not into me.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 26/01/2014 09:39

Am I the only one to think that this man may not be mentally mature? That is very child-like language he used with you. You need to be careful about his feelings he sounds very innocent :(

sooperdooper · 26/01/2014 09:39

God just get rid, I'm cringing on your behalf, I couldn't deal with someone who said that during sex, just odd