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Original poster

Dumpable offence?

135 replies

keepingthelidon · 26/01/2014 08:53

Have been seeing a man for a few weeks, Last time i saw him we have sex for the first time and it was nice
. Saw him again last night, expected more of the same, but he made no moves towards me, wasnt affectionate at all. When we did finally kiss, i took him upstairs where he made no moves on me, but happily recieved some oral. he was naked and i was fully dressed. I was somewhat put out, but thought, ok, maybe he had just been enjoying it too much, so waited around for a second go.
He said the words ' do you want me to put my willy inside you' to which i burst out laughing, because its just not sexy, at all. We did for a bit, swapped position, and then he complained he was being bent in a weird way, so i moved and then he just laid there and didnt restart anything, while i lay there feeling awkward and rejected. After a bit of time i said i needed to sleep and he left.

The whole thing, to me, felt awkward and like he wasnt enjoying any of it, which is quite confusing.

Other than that we had a nice time, but my immediate reaction is to dump as im no longer interested.

views?

OP posts:
MmeMorrible · 26/01/2014 16:48

Umm, if he'd already orgasmed 30mins earlier, is it so surprising that he couldn't do the full deed? Maybe he was having trouble getting it or keeping it up & was too embarrassed to say anything?

I do think he should have reciprocated the oral or done something else to make sure you'd had a good time too. If he can't be bothered this early junto a relationship, it's not a good sign.

SabraCadabra · 26/01/2014 17:08

Maybe he was "prepared" the first time you had sex (viagra?). And second time wasnt?.

Olivegirl · 26/01/2014 17:09

Cringe, cringe, and cringe ConfusedConfusedConfused dump him

MinkBernardLundy · 26/01/2014 17:55

I think he might like the idea of going gf - hence wanting to go places opening doors etc. all the public show nd trappings but isn't ready for the actual relationship part.

But OP it does hurt to be wrong or to get your hopes up and find out that nope thus is yet another dud.

But well done for getting out quick and not wasting more time on it I am still kicking myself o ersation the last one, wishing I'd quit sooner and cut all ties

Original poster
keepingthelidon · 27/01/2014 07:50

Ive since had endless texts about how his ex was the perfect woman and was so amazing. They were together for 18 months, she was cheating on him for the last 4 and left him for another man, and this was a year ago! and that he now ( after being with me) realises how noone can ever come close and he is kidding himself to think so and blah blah blah and its just very very hurtful

i have a good working radar, so im glad im perceptive to know something wasnt right and to do something about it. doesnt mean it hurts any less.

OP posts:
yourehavingalaugh · 27/01/2014 07:58

Why on earth is he sharing all that with you? You are not friends, you've only just met. He sounds seriously hung up. Tell him you have no interest in his ex and please do not contact you again.

Itmustbeme · 27/01/2014 07:59

Am just writing you a PM now.

Original poster
keepingthelidon · 27/01/2014 08:11

i dont know why hes telling me all this?
how he will always be alone because he loves her so much and is the only one he wants to be with and how noone will ever come close.

Its pretty offensive considering less than 24 hours previously i was cooking us a nice dinner and sucking his cock.

I just feel very used. and hurt.

OP posts:
Whocansay · 27/01/2014 08:13

Text back:

Dear Twat, I'm sorry that you are not over your ex. This does not excuse you from being a crap shag. Kind regards, Keeping

He knows what he's doing.

Itmustbeme · 27/01/2014 08:14

Should be in your inbox. Was just a bit too long to post publicly, didn't want to bore people Wink

Walkacrossthesand · 27/01/2014 08:31

He's wanting you to soothe him and say nice comforting words - it hasn't occurred to him that it's hurtful to you to be reminded that you had sex and, yup, he still missed the ex. Not a good basis for 'friendship' is it? Time to pull up the drawbridge, tell him you wish him well sorting himself out but you won't be replying to any further texts.

Original poster
keepingthelidon · 27/01/2014 08:36

heck am i going to soothe him.

I finally replied to his ' im not choosing this, i am always going to be alone because of this' thing

with ' i feel utterly used, you didnt care to mention any of this before i sucked your cock, which make you a bit of an arse'

Its not ok what he did and im not going to tell him it is.

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 27/01/2014 08:41

Spot on, keeping. No doubt he'll argue that he didn't realise he felt like this until he 'tested the system' with you - in which case a bit of self-knowledge would do him good. Hopefully that'll be the last you hear of him.

Tuhlulah · 27/01/2014 08:45

Could there not an alternative reading of this:

He's a bit insecure about his sexual performance. (For all you know he may have been treated really badly or even abused. I had a friend who had issues like this and he had an awful first sexual experience where his foreskin was nearly detached, and he never really got over it.) He really liked you and being with you, and is a nice guy who is courteous and polite and opens door, etc but you scared him by being a bit too enthusiastic and he felt a bit overwhelmed.

This isn't the first time he has disappointed someone so he's expecting a bit more of the same and is anticipating the rejection. Especially when it all went a bit pear shaped and you in effect made it clear he had to go if he couldn't come up with the goods (which may be how he sees it as opposed to how it is).

So he has his: 'I don't care if you do dump me because I didn't like you anyway because I am in love with a women and she's better then you, so there.' schtick ready. Defence mechanism.

The 'would you like me to put my willy inside me' sounds so immature and childish that it seems he hasn't actually moved into mature relationships. In fact, do you think he was actually a virgin, or was very sexually inexperienced?

Tuhlulah · 27/01/2014 08:47

sorry, 'willy inside you' as opposed to fucking himself, which is probably what you'd like to suggest he tries next.

Original poster
keepingthelidon · 27/01/2014 08:50

No, there isnt any back story nor reason to feel sorry for him.

Hes a fully functioning adult, with a ton of past relationships behind him.

Seeing as we had had sex TWICE with no issues just a few days previously AND had ' messed about' a few days before that... and at those occassions it was him that set the pace, then no.

Hes just an arse of a man that used me.

There is no need to make shit up to feel sorry for him for.

Im not quite sure why women always look to make up shit reasons to explain mens crap behaviour.

He used me, i called him on it and now he wants soothing for treating me like crap.

OP posts:
WarmFuzzyFuture · 27/01/2014 08:51

Tuhlulah have you read the Thread?

Original poster
keepingthelidon · 27/01/2014 08:53

i also didnt say he had to go, i said he could go, or he could stay and it was up to him, but i had to sleep as it was 1am and i had to go to work in the morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingthelidon · 27/01/2014 08:53

i dont think she has.... so is just coming up with ' reasons' which are not true and try to yet again blame the woman for a mans shit behaviour

OP posts:
Logg1e · 27/01/2014 09:14

An alternative reading is don't suck a man's cock, or engage in any other sexual activity, that you would feel humiliated about if he dumped you the next day.
We all have different time scales we feel comfortable with, and it sounds as though date five was too soon for you to be doing this.

Original poster
keepingthelidon · 27/01/2014 09:16

again, my fault.
cheers
Hmm

it wasnt too soon. It was fine, it was all going fine, until that point. This would have been the same thing if this has happened at date 5 or at date 25 since the man wasnt going to say anything to me about it.

not my damn fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingthelidon · 27/01/2014 09:19

and he didnt even dump me. I dumped him.

OP posts:
Tuhlulah · 27/01/2014 09:23

Warm Fuzzy Future -yes, I have thanks.

Tuhlulah · 27/01/2014 09:25

Keeping the lid on: Well then, I guess that you slept with him too soon. And that is your fault.

Logg1e · 27/01/2014 09:28

I don't that this is a case of blame and fault. As I said earlier, it just sounds like incompatibility. Nobody did anything wrong.

However, you seemed to feel humiliated about having given him a blow job when he's still thinking about another woman. If this had happened weeks from now, after 25 dates I think you'd reasonably not feel humiliated because that's a long time to not mention the ex, and weeks of growing intimacy between you.