DH and I have been together 9 years and we have DD (7). I am struggling to cope with his high sex drive. He always asks in the morning and I am ashamed to say I give in most mornings regardless of my feelings. We have argued about this subject so much over the last few years and I do feel a bit worn down. He does get angry and sulks if I reject him most of the time. If he is OK about it he will expect it later in the evening or the next morning and I am normally just grateful for him not kicking off earlier that I will give in.
The few times we have discussed the situation he has explained that he gets so very frustrated if we don't have sex daily. He has said that if he switches his sex drive down then he will go cold on me because he can't be warm and loving but not get horny and expect things from me. He says it's all or nothing. This is the bit where I would appreciate a male opinion. Is this true? Is this how you think? I don't have much experience with other men.
Today we had an argument in the morning about something totally unrelated and he suddenly started being nice and suggested we go back to bed and make up. I was much too worked up to want to and he started kicking off again. It just feels like he is trying to get as much out of me as he can in the time we have together. We only see each other for 2 hours a day due to his work and most of that is spent in bed.
On the plus side he is always telling me how much he loves me and how sexy and gorgeous I am.
Has anyone been in a situation like this? Any advice is appreciated. How do we come to a happy medium?
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How to cope with different sex drives? Male opinions welcomed too.
maryloulou · 24/01/2014 22:12
Hi OP. Here's another male opinion.
About 10 years ago, DW suggested we not DTD because she had a cough and if it wasn't better in six months she'd see the GP about it. That was a pretty emphatic signal that sex was off the menu, probably for ever. My rage and despair at this were not HER problem. Very very slowly we unpicked why her desire had gone, and while we were at it I managed things myself. Took about 8 years, during which my own libido collapsed, and now it takes Viagra and a fortnight's planning to contort our arthritic forms into position, usually spoons.
Sorry that was long and TMI, but that's how love works. And rolo :
As for the act that made you cry, if you were to call 999 immediately after there would probably be enough evidence for the CPS to at least take an interest.
IMO, the man is vermin.
Thanks for all your replies, I am still re-reading them. rolo your post was really interesting and makes a lot of sense.
Just to clear up with regards to the crying incident (I don't feel like I can call it rape), in fairness to DH I did ask him to stop at a difficult time IYKWIM and it was literally 30 secs or a minute. Having said that I was left shaking and I was emotionally numb for a few days. I am more upset that he is still pushing for it daily, even if it is in a joking way. When we discuss it he says he understands that I don't want to do it again but what about what he wants and it is something important to him and who else is he going to do it with, we have only 1 life etc.
He has threatened to sleep around because I have rejected him, although when pressed he admits he wouldn't do it, but is trying to get me to understand his feelings. I do feel that I have been manipulated in the past.
Most of all this happens when DD is at school. At the weekend she is asked to go down and watch TV for a few mins. This also really bothers me.
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Please don't listen to what Rolo is saying.
What he wrote justifies the frankly disgusting and pathetic way your husband conducts himself. And there is no justification for that.
Your H pesters you daily for something that hurt you and made you cry?
He pesters you for sex when you don't want it?
He carried on doing something for 30 secs-1min when you asked him to stop?
He threatens to shag other women if you won't have sex?
LTB.
This is not love and it is no relationship.
This is not an environment for you to bring up your DD in.
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