How to cope with different sex drives? Male opinions welcomed too.

[maryloulou]

DH and I have been together 9 years and we have DD (7). I am struggling to cope with his high sex drive. He always asks in the morning and I am ashamed to say I give in most mornings regardless of my feelings. We have argued about this subject so much over the last few years and I do feel a bit worn down. He does get angry and sulks if I reject him most of the time. If he is OK about it he will expect it later in the evening or the next morning and I am normally just grateful for him not kicking off earlier that I will give in.

The few times we have discussed the situation he has explained that he gets so very frustrated if we don't have sex daily. He has said that if he switches his sex drive down then he will go cold on me because he can't be warm and loving but not get horny and expect things from me. He says it's all or nothing. This is the bit where I would appreciate a male opinion. Is this true? Is this how you think? I don't have much experience with other men.

Today we had an argument in the morning about something totally unrelated and he suddenly started being nice and suggested we go back to bed and make up. I was much too worked up to want to and he started kicking off again. It just feels like he is trying to get as much out of me as he can in the time we have together. We only see each other for 2 hours a day due to his work and most of that is spent in bed.

On the plus side he is always telling me how much he loves me and how sexy and gorgeous I am.

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Any advice is appreciated. How do we come to a happy medium?

[HoratiaDrelincourt]

That's incredible, OP. Well done.

As I read your update I was struck by the idea that he is behaving like a thwarted child. My 2yo, in fact. Demand something unreasonable, like chocolate for breakfast, then strop when inevitably refused. Throw things, whinge, punish the refuser.

If he can't even disagree with you without whining and shouting, what kind of life can you have? I'm glad you have people supporting you in real life.

Onwards and upwards.

[NaffOrf]

OP, of course you are doing the right thing. You are being incredible. Take the support your family is offering and get away from this rapist forever. Remember: he could be in prison for what he has done to you. Never forget that. His tears are all tears of pity for himself. He is your enemy now. He always was, in fact.

[MyArseIsbiggerThanYours]

Naff orf is absolutely right. Remember his tears are anger not sorrow. Tears of frustration that he is not getting his own way - as someone else said, akin to a young child.
He has no respect for you or your body.
His words and actions will teach your dd that women are not worthy of respect.
He has raped you.
He does not love you. The life you are living is not the life of a loved partner.
Your family (who probably don't know the half of what is goes on) have urged you to leave him. Please go to them for the love and support he cannot and will never give you.
Good luck MaryLoulou

[MyArseIsbiggerThanYours]

Ps you are amazingly brave and strong facing up to this. Especially after years of EA too. Keep going, you can do it.

[FixItUpChappie]

No, NO, NO! His behaviour is totally unacceptable.

This relationship sounds...completely fucked up for lack if a better phrase.

Sorry OP (sad). This will not just go away. Your partner has some very, very disturbing attitudes. I think you need professional individual counselling to sort out how you feel,what you want and what your boundaries and bottom-lines will be in this marriage.

[VivienStanshall]

I was giving the benefit of the doubt earlier in the thread as there wasn't a vast amount of other information. That's gone now from that behaviour and your family's view on him. Not a nice man at all, can't see a reason for your spending any more time with him.

I guarantee he's not being propositioned at work btw, blokes like this say this sort of thing to pretend they are doing you a favour by shagging you, the same as saying "x at work really fancies me" to make you become extra nice to him to stop him acting on this fictional situation.