Afraid and alone, cant stop crying

[canttypefortears]

Hi

My always loving DH gave me my christmas present by uttering the words 'i dont love you anymore!'. It was straight after our kids had finished opening their pressies do no drink involved.

We were first loves, marrying at 20 years old. We were to celebrate our 15 th wedding anniversary shortlt. We have two beautiful kids and a lovely home. We do OKish financially but manage to do some nice things together.

I have always been content just to be with dh, he was my best friend. Ive had no problem if he wants to socialize with his mates. I thought we were happy.

I thought i coyld read him like a book when he was grumpy we all knew about it!

When he said thosr words i knew instantly he meant it. He wouldnt joke about this. I crumblef and remained a wreck for nearly 2 weeks. I couldnt get out of bed, sleep or eat. The physical pain of heart break is sickening. I managed to keep him at home for a fortnight.

He eventually packed and left two weeks ago. I didnt want him to leave. I asked what i gad done, he said its me not you, i just dont feel anything. I asked why he said he just has nothing left. I just dont understand. I have asked and asked but iv had nothing!

When he left he told the kids, who were beside themselves, packed nearly everything and went to stay at a mates ( although i canr be sure). He never answers his phone or text and im really worried for him and us. He contacts when he wants to see the kids.

He is very distant and has come to me and asked me to sell and divorce. He only told me 'we' had problems 3 weeks earlier! Im in shock and never saw this coming.

My dh is a stranger, its as if he isnt the man i knew. He has started being agressive towards me, as if i caused a problem and flinches if i put my hands on him, almost .like i suddenly repulse him. In reality i had no idea he had problems or was unhappy. He never voiced them if so. The only thing i can think of was he wasnt sleeping well. Ive thought of all scenarios. But maybe i should conclude im unloveable.

We are mediating next week as i cant go on. It is making me ill, stress and not eating ( the weight ive lost in 3 weeks is unbelievable! I need to be my kids mum again.

Any advice would be much appreciated, things have gone too far but i would have him back in a heartbeat.

Also don't forget to pat yourself when you achieve something that he might have done before. I was desolate that loads of things in the house packed up just after he went, but I discovered last week that I can split kindling with a large axe and mend electric light pendant things. This gave me a huge boost. Even if it's only remembering to put the bins out, give yourself a hug and think I can do this!

Hope you're ok cantty.
How were you today?

Hello Canty. Hope you've been OK this week

Sorry i havnt posted for a while. Unfortunately H was rushed to hospital earlier this week. He remains seriously unwell, the doctors do not know what is wrong. I am beside myself with worry, i cant bare to see him in such a state. I have been at his bedside everyday. I so love my H.

Oh crikey Cant! What a worry!

Thinking of you and the DCs Cantty. I know you won't want to talk about it, but you must tell the hospital about your current situation and your husbands personality change. It could be very relevant if he is unwell. You can ask to speak to the named nurse dealing with his care if you don't want to talk with the doctors.

Both you and H are in my prayers, Cantty. Stay strong.

We have been absolutley honest with the hospital. He had had many, many tests and scans. At the moment we dont know what is wrong and he is not making improvement. In pieces but staying strong for all around me willing H to pull through with every ounce of my love.

Good grief cant what a turn up. I agree it could be relevant. Stay strong and if you can find a second do update us. Sending love xx

Thanks all, will probably go offline for a while. Ive got to deal with this as best i can. Will update as soon as i know more. Praying for H x

Oh Cant what a lot you've had to deal with recently. Stay Strong and remember this thread is here for whenever you need it/us.

How awful for you - will be thinking of you both & wishing you strength x

oh how awful for you cantty. you are in my thoughts xx

Sorry to read your update. Well done for staying by his side , just look after yourself though.

Hi all,

Quick update. H in hospital fighting a serious infection. He was admitted over a week ago and still showing no signs of improvement.

Im surviving just, juggling home/ kids/ work whilst spending every spare minute at his bedside. Running on adrenaline as getting next to no sleep or food. Im in pieces but keeping it together for everyone else.

H wants me by his side and at the moment the most important thing is that he gets better. He is in a time of need but im just 'me' being 'me'. At the back of my mind i know that this probably wont change a thing but yes im worried my love and care will all be in vain and i will end up hurt all over again.

H means everything to me and that is the honest truth even after all hes put me through. Dont know what the future holds in any sense but praying H makes a full and fast recovery.

Sorry to hear he is still very poorly

You need to do what feels right and I think you are right to want to be supportive while he is so ill.

Hi Cant, Thanks for the update. Please take care of yourself you can't be "you" if you don't manage to eat and sleep.

I wish I could reassure you that you won't be hurt all over again by H. Maybe you should just take the view that what has happened gives you both the chance to build a mutual friendship from here. Friends support each other and you do have 2 kids to parent together. No one knows what the future holds and it may be wise to just hold back a bit not to hurt anyone but to protect yourself.

We are still here whatever happens.

Although ive told him its neither the time or place to discuss our current situation he has spiken a little. It is quite clear he doesnt want to talk about what has happened but sounds willing to discuss the future at least. He has been very emotional and has said a few things to me that make me believe he is having second thoughts. Then the next minute he is angry and frustrated at making no progress, although he isnt directing this at me i feel ackward ad i dont want to say the wrong thing. I dont want to come across ad though i assume all will be ok afterwards. I have however told him that he has to fight his illness for the kids sake and that we all love him dearly. I am trying to hold back but finding it tough seeing him laying there helpless. Scared.

It's a really difficult situation to be in. I think it's one of those times that you just have to muddle through as best you can.
It would be difficult to expect him to discuss anything at the moment because he is in a very vulnerable place and really he needs to get better and feel himself again. No one in his position is in any place to be making choices etc.
Maybe you should not discuss the past or the future just the present. Deal with the day to day.

Take Care

Yes your right. I have not initiated any such conversation. Everything he has said was off his own back. Ive told him we will talk when he is better. So difficult not to get my hopes up, the sensible thing would be to come home but ive got a feeling this sorry mess has got a few twists and turns to come yet. Cant take much more but for the time being i will renain strong for all around.

Is there any chance when H is feeling better that you and the kids can have a couple of days at a friends or relatives just to give you a little break. We all need a "time out" every now and again and it sounds like you could really do with one. A chance to re-charge the batteries so to speak.

You are handling this perfectly, cantty. Putting the focus on his getting better and telling him that everything else can be deferred until he's well.

You know you (and he) are in my prayers.

csnt my ex also became very ill not long after he'd left.
I visited with dc but it was very uncomfortable and I didn't think he wanted me there.
I wouldn't know what to think in your situation but I do think that all this not eating or sleeping etc is silly especially now he's slightly improved.
Your children have been through so much already, please try to spread your concern more evenly for yourself too.
This could be an opportunity for you to build yourself up a bit while he's being looked after.

Cantty not eating is not an indication of your love for your husband and to be honest it comes across as something out of a Victorian melodrama. Not only that - your children deserve better than a mum who's a shadow of her former self.

But that said - I do truly believe that you love your husband and for the life of me I don't know what to hope for for you.

Don't be so nasty. She isn't eating because she's too upset, not because she wants to be melodramatic. She's desperately confused, upset, exhausted and full of adrenaline. Please don't post such harsh things to a vulnerable woman who is struggling to survive.
Canty sweetie, I hope you're ok and that your H is getting better. Big hugs. X