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Original poster

Too much of an age gap?

132 replies

fluffyduckie · 16/01/2014 19:04

So it isn't really an issue as it is just a crush but do you think a 20ish year age gap is too much?

OP posts:
4PlusMum · 16/01/2014 22:10

I'm 40, DH is just about to turn 60 and age is just not an issue. We have 2 small children and he is an amazing dad to them.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 16/01/2014 22:14

Yeah. That makes more sense AF Grin

I'm just curious I guess as I have a date tomorrow with a man who is twelve years older than me at 47. It feels a lot older than I've datwd before but in reality thats bunkum because its been ten years before now. The youngest I've gone is eight years younger but that wasn't exactly dating, more a one night wonder.

Isn't it funny what society deems acceptable or unacceptable.

AnyFucker · 16/01/2014 22:19

total sense Wine

LineRunner · 16/01/2014 22:25

My beaux are always younger than me. What's the formula for that?

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 16/01/2014 22:26

Anyway it all makes sense now looking at over's graph (ish). My youngest is 25 and my oldest is 55. I'm not at all sure about that tbh. 25 feels very young and 55 is closer to my parents' age than my own.

I'm not bothered really it's just one of those curious things that makes you wonder when it is brought up.

MomentForLife · 16/01/2014 22:33

It wouldn't bother me. I'm mid twenties and tend to fancy blokes who are late thirties/ in their fourties.

CazM2012 · 16/01/2014 22:34

My OH is 23 years older than me, I am 23 he is 46, have been together almost 7 years since I was 16 and he was 39. We have 2 young children and are getting married in May. It has worked for us, most people ask if we are sure the ages are the right way round as he is a lot younger in the way he behaves. It is about every person individually!

MissPryde · 16/01/2014 22:40

Go for it! 15 years difference between partner and I. It can come with challenges, but if it's right, it's right.

PurpleSprout · 16/01/2014 23:02

There are considerations no doubt.

Barring tragedy, if you're DP is 20 years older, you will lose them earlier. You may end up caring in the prime of your life. He'll retire long before you (unless you're all loaded) etc. If he's divorced, he might not be interest ins a 'new family'.

Having said all that, my DP and I are the same age. I 'grew up' faster than him, although he on the surface is the sensible one. We're both still on the fence about kids and we're both hurtling towards our mid-30s. I think if he'd been 5 years older than me it might've been easier, but I do love the man. I guess I'm saying there may be advantages to not being the same age, but 20 years is a lot.

perplexedpirate · 16/01/2014 23:14

I know a couple with a 33 year gap. They are enviably happy.
Go for it.

Sorcha1966 · 16/01/2014 23:16

sorry but I think a 16 year old girl and a 39 year old man borders on child abuse.

oversomeniagara · 16/01/2014 23:31

That's the beauty of the graph! It keeps everything proportionate to age and as you get older, the age gap can be wider.

But obviously, it's just something I heard on the internet and I found it interesting. Obviously each relationship is different and people should use their own judgement.

TravellingToad · 16/01/2014 23:49

Mil is 61 and fil is 76 (15 yr gap)

Her life is shit. He has dementia and has been old before his time mentally for years. She's his carer. She is depressed and cries a lot. She accepts her lot in life but I'd not recommend a big age gap after seeing how mil lives now.

Original poster
fluffyduckie · 17/01/2014 06:59

He really is a nice man but unfortunately I think he can do better than me .... He just doesn't notice me. I wonder if he sees me as too young. Oh it would be so much easier if I knew what he thought of me!!

OP posts:
perplexedpirate · 17/01/2014 07:35

Why are you saying you're sorry Sorcha?
You obviously aren't or you wouldn't have said it. Hmm

BohemianGirl · 17/01/2014 07:40

Depends which way it is.

I have to say in my early 20's I never had a boyfriend under 46. Older men are just so much more, well, groomed, chivalrous, solvent, attentive, experienced. However, when I wanted to settle down, I reverted back to my own age group.

FetchezLaVache · 17/01/2014 07:58

My STBXH is 22 years older than me and it is a consideration. He's very conscious of being so much older than DS's friends' parents, for example, and while I'm really getting into my career and looking forward to loads more years of it, he's winding down and looking forward to retiring. And when I married him, I definitely had to do so in full knowledge that I would probably end up caring for him at some point. I think the poster who said that the window during which the relationship works is relatively short may have been onto something.

And I must stress that our split is nothing to do with his age!

Beth9009 · 17/01/2014 08:28

Fluffyduckie, I'm sure you're age wouln't put him off. Men don't care about that sort of thing in the way women do. They just go for whatever feels right, not what society says should be right. If he likes you, he likes you. If not, then not.

Don't be afraid to find out.

Beth9009 · 17/01/2014 08:29

your*

neiljames77 · 17/01/2014 08:46

fluffyduckie - you say he doesn't notice you and you think he could do better. I think if he knew you liked him, he'd notice you. He probably wouldn't believe his luck. Flattering for a bloke that you know.

saysa · 17/01/2014 08:55

14 years between me and DP. As others have said, I think the actual number matters less than the 2 people involved, their stage in life and their hopes for the future. When I met DP, he had already done most of the things that I still have yet to do - getting a degree, climbing the career ladder, getting a house, marriage and babies - so for me the clincher was whether he would support me in achieving my aims and whether he wanted more children. As we are both of the same mindset about what we want for our future, I think it works.

There are the odd niggly thoughts about what will happen as DP gets older, about the possibility of having to care for him and of not being able to spend the last years of my life with my partner. But of course - anything can happen to anyone at anytime, and I would rather be with the love of my life now than give it up for fear of what the future may hold.

As it's just a crush at the moment I say go for it and at least find out if he feels the same. My family and friends were a bit averse to the whole thing in the early days, so perhaps be prepared for that, but as time has gone on they have seen how happy me and DP are.

GlitzAndGiggles · 17/01/2014 09:02

DP is 9 years older than me so according to the graph we shouldn't be together. And I shouldn't date anyone aged 18 or under. Fuck the graph if you're happy with someone then so what? I'm 22 this year and would sooo date Robert Downey jr!

GlitzAndGiggles · 17/01/2014 09:04

Sorcha 16 is the legal age of sexual consent so it's not child abuse. I doubt the parents would be too happy but it's not illegal!

Takingbackmonday · 17/01/2014 09:10

There's 18 years between me and DP.

I'm 25, he's 43. I don't find it strange but then when I am a spritely 40 and he is nearly 60... hmm.

Does anyone think that age gap is a bit odd? Just interested...