Too much of an age gap?

[fluffyduckie]

So it isn't really an issue as it is just a crush but do you think a 20ish year age gap is too much?

for me, and for my friends, a good test is, if the age gap were reversed, would you feel embarrassed. If so, it's too much. At 42 I guess the youngest man I could imagine dating would be about 34, so therefore, I wouldn't really be open to dating a man older than 50. That seems about right to me. I am single! but then, I'd just rather be single than date somebody too old for me, but if somebody else my age wanted to date a 60 year old, I wouldn't judge. Certainly wouldn't be envious or feel I was missing out though!

And as for little sound bites like '"age doesn't matter, it's compatibility that counts", why then are men so rarely compatible with women twice their age minus seven???

For me yes. I'd feel uncomfortable either way.

All these, "he's fifty but he acts like a big kid" type posts are not very inspiring. Old codger is one thing, but old codger who acts like a little boy is really off putting.

I agree, can't think of anything worse. Body of an old man, behaves like a young lad.

Em, no thanks.

When the younger person is in their 20s, 30s and the older person is in their 40s, 50s it doesn't matter too much (provided the older person is "young" at heart), but it does start to matter when they get older and older.
You need to think long term really.

There are some really insulting posts on this thread.

'Body of an old codger'?

Lovely.

I think of "codger" as quite an endearing word. I'd certainly describe myself as one.

Hmm well my 'old codger' 60 yo dh runs about 30km a week and could probably put a lot your dhs to shame in terms of his fitness and build.

He's 20 years older than me, we have 4 dcs from 6-14.

Yes there are things I like which he doesn't have a clue about and vice versa. So what? I'd say that probably happens in most relationships.

A lot of stupid assumptions and stereotypes on this thread.

Well, if you're insulted that's your own issue. A 70 year old would be so hideously unattractive to me but according to that "formula" it would be ok

If you want to go out with men much much older, then get on with it! But don't be insulted that other people correctly observe that a 70 year old is physically older than a 40 year old. fgs!

You weren't just "correctly observing" the age difference - you were insulting the whole dynamic of their relationship - something very personal and all-encompassing.

"Hideously unattractive" as a description of something that means so much to someone is extremely rude.

I'm not too fussed - am absolutely delighted with my 'old codger' who is built like a brick shithouse and goes like a shed door on a windy night

Reading back, in my first post, I just said it wasn't for me etc, and then some other people said that they were offended and then I stupidly responded to that . So if you're offended by the fact that older men (and by that I mean 15+ ) are not for everybody then you're looking to be offended. It can't really be a surprise that much older men aren't for everybody. Do I have to apologise for not finding men significantly older than I am attractive? I'm not trashing them as human beings, just saying that that big an age gap isn't a sexual / romantic thing in my book. But other people can do what they like and I said that to begin with

Men certainly never have to apologise for not dating / considering / being attracted to women 15 years older than they are!

MaeWestfield - I wouldn't go out with someone that much younger than me - would be illegal!

If anything my references would be older than his ..... am a bit old fashioned in my tastes.

I'm 52 and am far more fit and sporty than a lot of the 20-somethings in my office. I know fit, muscular men in their mid 60's and fat slobs in their 30's. It isn't all about age. Having said that, I've been internet dating lately and haven't fancied anyone older than late 50's. Have had a lot of interest from fit blokes in their 20's and 30's though!

Honestly, I can't date a man who's more than 6 years older than I am. As bad as this sounds, I'd hate to be a carer - say I'm 40 and he's 67 and ill. I'd really hate my life.

Going to have to pluck up the courage and talk to him - hopefully will see him next week when there isn't a huge queue! And hopefully he will want to talk to me. And hopefully I won't make a fool of myself!

fluffyduckie - why not just go up to him and say, "If I was to ask you out for a drink, would you say yes or no?" If he says no, then say, "Well I won't ask then."

neiljames77 that's a good one.
fluffyduckie - I'm married to a guy 21 years older than me. We've been married for 13 years and have 3 children. We are happy. I was 20 when we met and I liked his maturity and stability. I never really looked around for anybody my age.
Pluck up the courage and go for it. Worst that can happen is he may say no and nothing will change. You've nothing to lose.

neiljames, I do like that.

The only reason I wouldn't be with a man 20 years older is that they would be very likely to die before me, and I'd spend a long time as a widow. Statistically speaking, as women live longer than men and we have a history of longevity in my family. I often worry that my husband who is 3 years older will kick the bucket years before me!

A few of my mates (late 30s/early 40s) on occasion seemed to only date late teens early 20s girls. I found it quite creepy and a bit pathetic to be honest. I always wondered what they hell they talked about when alone as there just seemed to be gulf in maturity and experience. If I was a parent of some 18/19 year old daughter and found out that she was dating a 40something bloke I would be very very suspicious of his motives or at the least think that he somehow had trouble communicating and maintaining a relationship with people his own age.

LineRunner - it saves her pride being wounded too much if he says no. Plus it'll leave him thinking, "have I just been asked out or blown out?"

Oh I don't think I would be brave enough to say that!!

Am going to figure out the flirting thing and then will have to manage to be in the shop when he is and when there isn't a queue!

I just have no idea if he has even noticed me at all. Are there any signs that I should look out for?

He might feel cheeky expecting someone your age to like him.
If you try the flirting, you have to be fairly confident in case he makes a flirty remark and expects one back. Or did you have in mind something like dropping a pencil and seeing if he checks out your bum when you pick it up?

In the vast majority of instances quoted of larger age gaps in relationships the man is the older partner. Any examples of successful relationships where the woman is 10+ years older than her man?