I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

To be honest not much info here except you have punched your DH and the kids were in the house... Hearing DA is damamging to the kids, You don't say how old your kids are ,

You are worried about leaving your kids but if you are tightly wound aren't your kids in danger..Kids press your buttons all the time...they just do..If you aren't calm enough to cope with DH..how do you expect to cope with kids...You have implied you can't cope...

To be fair I have little sympathy for can't cope with kids..Thousands of people aren't getting any help day after day from partners...

People are guessing your reasons behind it...WE don't know what kind of a person you are at all...

I wouldn't tell you to go to police ..I am not sure what that would achieve but wouldn't blame Ex if he went but I would go to Gp..you do need help..

I also support the other posters view your children need somewhere to stay right now...

Telling the OP to go the police is ridiculous, especially as there is no one there to take care of the kids. At worst, she would be arrested, charged and then bailed probably with conditions not to approach him or their home if he moves back. How would that help anyone? It would make life hell for the kids and her DH.

She is asking for help to make sure it doesnt happen again, and is genuinely remorseful so imo there is a big difference between that and someone who repeatedly attacks their partner and does not see what they do as wrong. I think the GP on monday is the the best bet and in the meantime, do some googling to see if you can find any support that way.

Mintyy they are probably my posts. I apologise if I'm coming across as having double standard , victim blaming etc. However I do think this isn't a clear cut case. There are huge shades of grey.

You have no fucking right to ask him back.

You want him to come back? Why? For round 2?

Stop fucking thinking of yourself. I hope he leaves you. You only care about yourself from what I can see.

And that's a really good point about your children...

I've followed enough of these kinds of threads to see exactly how highbrows and sparkly have seen through this. OP you should see your gp for help if you are struggling to cope. There's no shame in not coping. Lashing out is not right. I also think you should call or email Woman's Aid to talk through all the back story and things you aren't saying here. I suspect he is emotionally abusive and goaded you to the point of hitting him. He was leaving you to struggle despite that. As for today... Cbeebies, a sofa picnic whatever it takes to get through.

She is asking for help to make sure it doesnt happen again, and is genuinely remorseful so imo there is a big difference between that and someone who repeatedly attacks their partner and does not see what they do as wrong

Then, frankly, you don't know what you're talking about.

Do some reading.

Remorse is not uncommon amongst violent abusers.

Telling the OP to go the police is ridiculous, especially as there is no one there to take care of the kids. At worst, she would be arrested, charged and then bailed probably with conditions not to approach him or their home if he moves back. How would that help anyone? It would make life hell for the kids and her DH.

So no one should report DV anymore, so as not to disrupt family life?

Brilliant.

You can do that OP, you can text him and ask him to come home, but you wil have to respect that he may not be ready to do that just yet. In the mean time, can you go for a walk with the kids? its a lovely sunny day here - you are going to achieve nothing on this thread. GP on monday, emergency referral for counselling, insist on this - otherwise the bloody waiting lists are shit. Let the dust settle a little now, try and keep calm and get help on Monday - the samaritans or A&E if you feel out of control over the weekend.

Op has a young baby , and whilst it doesnt excuse violence , perhaps she postnatel depression is affecting her very badly .
Some women even halucinate with pnd so acting outside normal personality and becoming violent isnt too far a stretch.
Some women get nasty with pmt , wildly swinging hormones can have horrible effects iykwim ?

Which is why the OP should see her gp .

Dh is by no means deserving of what I did but he doesn't help enough.

You would not be the first abuser to justify battering your partner....

I hope your husband spends the day getting advice.

Are your children safe op? That's what we normally all ask when is men doing the punching. If you feel like you might lose it with them can anyone else look after them?

I'm with lemon on this.

I too see a family at breaking point.

If you refuse to call the police than I think the only alternative today is for you to call social services.

Do not call your DH and do not ask him to come home - you have not addressed your issues yet and so can not guarantee that you will not try to hurt him again.

If you are who I suspect you are OP, I hope he doesn't come back because you're better off without him. And I hope you didn't hurt yourself punching him.

Another person suggesting OP was goaded into hitting her ex, yeah, he asked for it didn't he. He provoked her. If he'd just done as she asked it wouldn't have happened and she's really, really sorry.

Disgusting victim blaming, I'm out.

So walter - what is your advice to the OP then? other than to maybe march herself into a police station or remove herself from her children? Have you any advice for the person who is asking for help or is she beyond help and underserving of support? She sounds at breaking point - why not give her another kick.

SHE HAS SAID SHE IS GOING TO SEEK HELP - WHAT MORE CAN SHE FUCKING DO???

Those who are abused verbally, emotionally and/or financially can lose it and hit out. Especially if under sleep deprivation or other stress.

Those who hit in an abusive way often think they are justified. So they wouldn't post for help about it.

Those who are depressed and stressed can hit out too - I have done so myself long ago in my 20s and felt terrible about it.

So no one should report DV anymore, so as not to disrupt family life?

Where did I say that?! But the fact is that the struggles at home will only be worse if she isnt there, and that will make the kids and the DH suffer far more. It wont solve anything, and certainly wont access the OP any help for her anger.

Walter I know more than anyone should ever have to know about violent abusers thank you.

But Jesus Christ at this though Highbrows

"What did you need him to help you with today? What did he want to do?
I wouldn't be surprised if he calmly wound you up to get want he wants, a day off as a victim."

Really??

That has to be one of the worst posts I've read on MN in a very long time.

I don't know if you have any sons but if you do, I genuinely hope you lose that sort of mindset for their sake.

Ask him to come home, as you suggested. And apologise.

You have to think of your children as well, they need to see that things can work out. They also don't want to be dragged into a horrendous custody battle where he fights you for residence and they end up being forced to live with him.

I don't know your backstory but the outcome depends largely on him and his response. So contact him first, apologise and get this sorted.

I don't think the double standards debate is helping the OP or her partner.

There is no excuse for violence, but this event does not necessarily mean the OP is destined to be a serial DV abuser.

She sounds like someone at the end of her tether who has snapped. Someone who knows she has done a terrible thing.

We don't know if the partner can look after the kids if she moves out. We don't know if he wants that. We don't know how much he has contributed to a situation where the OP has arrived at this point. By this I am not victim blaming - the violence can never be excused. However understanding why this family in such crisis is key to ensuring it never happens again.

I suspect he is emotionally abusive and goaded you to the point of hitting him. He was leaving you to struggle despite that. As for today... Cbeebies, a sofa picnic whatever it takes to get through.

Oh for ffs they're everywhere...

Yes Worra it is shocking however this is not an atypical case of dv in my opinion. I have a son. I hope I've raised him to be thoughtful which would include taking his kids with him if he felt endangered. Not leaving them behind.

Was he hurt or injured?

I think this matters.

If the OP is 5ft2 and her bloke is 6ft2 and she was biffing away at him like a small child punching an adult - and he sustained no injury whatsoever - then really it is different from a scenario where the aggressor is stronger and more powerful than their victim, and their victim is winded, and bruised and collapsed.

It does make a difference.

It's hard to imagine how severe this attack was.