I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Life is never clear cut, but violence certainly is

I'd be interested to know if the DH cares enough about this situation to come and remove the dc so that OP may seek help. Somehow I very much doubt it.

You wouldn't be expecting a female victim of violence thinking primarily about how she could help the abuser get help

Is there anyone who can help with the baby if things get too much OP? I think it would be sensible to have someone who you can call because you may be so so stressed just now. That would be a good idea? Parents? Friend? What about when DH comes back? Could someone take your DC so that you can have time to talk about where to go from here?

I honestly don't think this thread is helping you though.

Actually, I'm going to say something different:

OP: do contact your GP on Monday.

Try to make contact with organisations that help people to stop using violence to see if any of them can help you. That's likely to take quite a bit of searching/emails/phone calls because many only work with men - but you can demonstrate that you are trying to seek help for yourself.

Also try to identify a counsellor who can work with you - try Relate or other local organisations or the BACP/UKCP directories - again you're trying to find help for yourself.

Go and speak to a criminal solicitor and tell them exactly what happened with your husband. You need good tactical legal advice about how to handle the situation, from someone who has heard the whole story, because a criminal record won't help you. If what you have done is so serious that avoiding a criminal record isn't going to be possible then you want advice on how to minimise the sentence.

You also need advice on whether and how to contact Children's social care/what to say to the children's schools.

Don't send anything self incriminating to your husband. Nothing that could be used as evidence of your guilt.

Also speak to a family solicitor - you've been violent, no one in the home can be happy, you need advice on divorce now, even if you think there's a possibility of reconciling eventually. You need to know the financial stuff. By taking advice about divorce and moving out (or at least offering to do so) you are removing yourself as a 'threat' from the situation.

Dh is by no means deserving of what I did but he doesn't help enough.

It's the 'but' in that sentence that gives you away OP. You do think you were justified

In that case you should separate. Permanently. And get counselling for yourself. You are an abuser.

If you want help, there is a lot of advise and support for abusers out there and it is possible to change.

Btw if you have children old enough to talk and they talk about this at school, safe guarding measures will be put in place.

Anyone who can see NO difference whatsoever, between the genders when perpetrating DV is rather limited in their thought processes to my mind.

I think it's rather limited to always assume the man is bigger and stronger than the woman.

And even if he is, it's irrelevant because he's not the one beating the shit out of his wife.

If OP had been beaten and ran, would you accuse her of not caring if she didn't go back straight away for her kids? I doubt it.

"I don't think anyone knows who is right yet, OP has only posted about 4 times and hardly given any information yet."

I haven't seen a more idiotic post on Mumsnet since I joined in 2006.

Op, you need to let your dh know you are sorry for hurting him and punching him and you apologise from the bottom of your heart. Then leave him alone. Then you need to go to your gp and confess to what you have done and start on fixing the stress, tiredness and whatever other pressures you have in your life by asking for help, counselling, drugs if necessary.

You can't just vaguely regret it and hope that he will forgive you.

You HAVE to do something to change.

Don't listen to the posters who are minimising the violence you have done to your husband. They are very damaging and their posts are not good for you to hear at the moment.

Op, as someone that was battered by her partner, head butted and spat at u urge you to not contact him to meet you.

It will only look like your worrying about yourself.

I wouldn't have left my children behind either, but you do need to remove yourself from the home albeit for a short time.

Your dh will be in shock and will need time on his own.

Sooo.. walking down the street and a woman hits you causing a black eye. Is this assault?

Waking down the street and a man hits you causing a broken nose and two Black eyes. Is this assault?

Here is a hint for those struggling to grasp the concept. They are both assault and both deserve to be apprehended and punished regardless of sex or damage done. For all we know op could be 6ft and 22 stone and her husband could be 5 ft 6 and 12 stone. fortunately the law doesn't differentiate on offences according to the physical dimension of attacker vs victim.

Lovely to see the double standards and that some people have already twisted this round to be the husbands fault into being an emotional abuser therefore deserving of being repeatedly punched.

Op , go to your gp and ask for help.
Then you should appologise profusely to your dp
Give him some space to figure out how he feels about this . You need time to , so you can work out why you reacted so badly .

There is something wrong in your relationship that has caused you to do this. Even if youve been provoked , you should consider separating , violence is always a very bad thing in relationships , and like cheating few relationships can survive it . The ones that do must be redrawn on a new basis of mutual repect for each others feelings.

Not always worra but mostly.

I think you should phone him and apologise. If he loves you he will come back and try and work things out.

An abusive man will use it against you and try and take the children from you. So I wouldn't tell anyone this has happened.

What i see here is a family at breaking point - all this up in arms calls of "abuser" is NOT helping. Then people are suggesting the OP's DH is abusing her - FFS people, this is not a soap opera this is someone's lives.

OP - you need to take what steps you need to take to keep yourself and your family safe over the weekend. Don't be afraid to reach out for help - Go to A&E if you have to, call the samaritans - know that you can help yourself in this too.

You're excusing what you did AND you're assuming that just because you're sorry it doesn't make you a DV perpetrater.

That's just laughable.

Do you have any idea how many are sorry after? How many will never do it again?

I am not minimising I am just not agreeing that its identical because it isn't.

i don't think anyone is minimalising

Highbrows just said this isn't domestic violence, explain to me how that isn't minimising please.

"I mean that There is a lot going on in our lives it isn't clear cut at all."

No OP, don't lose the respect I have for you now. You committed a violent crime, and nothing going on in your life can excuse that.

If OP had been beaten and ran, would you accuse her of not caring if she didn't go back straight away for her kids? I doubt it.

Exactly this ^^

And can you imagine what might have happened if he tried to grab the baby while he's being punched repeatedly?

Hopefully he'll be back later for the kids. But even if he isn't, he wouldn't be the first victim to end up forgiving his abuser.

And I would leave this thread now and start with your gp on Monday.

Your being told that you need divorce advice!!

It will only look like your worrying about yourself

She is.

Her only real answer to the abundance of questions has been not going to he police because she doesn't want to be arrested!

I'm totally freaked by some of the posts on this thread.

I can't give details of dcs as have NC

All I wanted was to know what todo. I an going to seek help, and ill look into counselling/anger management whatever I have to do.

I just want dh to come back. I have not contacted him but I want to ask him to come home.