I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

I'm not sure of what highbrows has said, its almost as if he/she knows more of the situation than I can let on. Dh is by no means deserving of what I did but he doesn't help enough.

I still know I was wrong though. I was violent and that was wrong.

Social services are not evil baby snatching demons - they will actually assist you to get the help you need, so calling them might be a good idea, you could speak to your GP or the police also, stressing the fact that you want to find help.

"Can't help" or won't help?

Wow. Just wow.

The OP hasn't come on here to be harangued. Or reassured. Or to enter into a debate about gender and DV. She came here to ask for help with what to do now.

OP could you try calling a DV helpline? They might help you to get the right support.

I don't understand why people are saying this is not the same as when a man hits a woman, because men are generally bigger.

How many times on here, when a woman is posting about being the victim of DV, has she been asked to specify her size in comparison to her male partner's size?

So if a 30 stone woman was here saying she had been repeatedly punched by her 9 stone husband, that wouldn't be DV?

So it's only DV if the abuser is bigger and stronger than the victim?

They really must start putting that into future DV campaigns, so as to avoid confusion and any wastage of police time.

He does help to an extent, we were both up all night shoe does help but I asked him to do more and he was tired/couldn't/wouldn't and wanted me to take over.

"I'm not sure of what highbrows has said, its almost as if he/she knows more of the situation than I can let on"

What does that mean??

So he does that should have said not shoes

Although Highbrows I suspect this is a case of emotional abuse and gaslighting with the result of a woundup OP lashing out at the end of her tether.

But we don't know until we get more details from her.

I don't disagree with that, but lashing out can never be condoned unless in self defence.

But again, the simple fact is that NO-ONE on MN would ever suggest there might be perfectly understandable provocation when dealing with a woman punched repeatedly by her husband. It would just be unthinkable to even consider that there might be mitigating factors or that the woman might be anything other than totally blameless.

It would be hilarious if it were not so disgustingly hypocritical.

Look, the fact is even if her DH is a typically mysoginistic rubbish husband who refuses to do any housework and unfairly places all the pressures of parenting onto OP it does not excuse OP abusing him. Ever.

This is similar to only virgins being able to press charges for rape - her DH does not have to be the perfect husband to have suffered physical abuse at the hands of his wife. Luckily the OP can appreciate this, so it would be great if some of you could stop minimising this.

Op do you have a young baby?

Anyone who can see NO difference whatsoever, between the genders when perpetrating DV is rather limited in their thought processes to my mind.

OP i have PM'd you x

*MadIsTheNewNormal' spot on.

I know I was wrong. I'm not disputing that, I just want to know where to get help for my temper

Do you have a temper OP? How do you usually express your anger? Do you lash out at anyone else, do you shout, scream, swear or what?

It's difficult to get a real picture because you are not really giving much info. We don't need details that will out you, just more of an insight into your personality.

Is anyone else in danger of you attacking them, or is it just your DH?

So far, it does sound like a classic example of you abusing your partner, not a temper problem. If you could not hold your temper, you would be doing it to everyone, right?

So you've a young baby then?

Op I'm a she. I know you know it was wrong to lash out but remember we all do things out of character when under severe stress.

The person who is meant to help you and cherish you is not helping and instead is making thongs worse. Is that right?

I would end this relationship if it were me, you are doing alone anyway. At least without the relationship you won't have someone that not only doesn't help makes everything worse.

Loads of luck to you.

I agree sparkly

Jesus some of the abuser apologist posts on here have made me feel physically sick.

OP, you need some sort of anger management help ASAP

Your DH needs to call the police and then come and get the kids until you get the help you need.

I can see no difference, other than to the level if excuses other women will make for them

OP - do you have anyone who can look after the kids today?

I think you need to remove them for this situation.

Then I would text your partner and tell him how ashamed and sorry you are. Ask to meet with him at a place of his choosing. Explain you have left the children with a friend/relatives.

Then listen to what he wants to do next. This will be hard, but needs to happen. Then you must follow through with what is agreed.

I know you have no intention of doing this again - but that's what many others say after DV. Until you can deal with the triggers for this incident you really can't promise this won't happen again. Whilst that is the case you are a risk to your partner and even your kids (perhaps in the case of the latter not physically, but emotionally).

Personally I wouldn't go to the police. That's his decision, but I think you should accept that he may do this and be fully cooperative should this happen.

I think you are truly remorseful and it is possible to come through this, but to do that you need to face up fully to what has happened and take responsibility for the consequences and be proactive in taking steps to identify why then happened to ensure it never happens again.

I mean that There is a lot going on in our lives it isn't clear cut at all.

Oops hit send too soon! I think it would be worth considering if you want to be in this relationship? Is this a wakeup call that things were already broken before you hot him?

Either way, counselling would be a good thing, that's something you could start to look into today. Couples counselling for both of you (even if you are splitting up) and counselling for you to deal with anger issues.

Anyone who can see NO difference whatsoever, between the genders when perpetrating DV is rather limited in their thought processes to my mind.

Are you just talking about physical violence Sparkly or all abuse. Do you think there is a difference between genders when perpetrating other forms of abuse?