I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

I agree with ChilliQueen, after having spent 15 years as a carer myself I have very little I'm having to start from scratch with work - it is very hard. Even if it's just one day a week it's a good way of keeping your hand in and having something on your CV. And getting a break.

But right now you need money to get respite. A decent agency will put all your debts on hold for 6 months but only go to the government recommended one -

www.stepchange.org/#

Good luck - you can do it online too.

Sorry (I should have remembered that). Do a list of finances (what's coming in - and from where. And what's going out - and to whom). Post it here if you want - am sure someone will know what's best. I have been broke in the past (no children at the time), and managed on £100 food shopping... lots of lentils and jacket potatoes! Not suggesting this at all, but think about what you're getting - and make sure you're getting what you're entitled to.

Sorry.... that's £100 food shopping a month. Including cat litter!

..sometimes, if you are not a home owner, the best thing when you are in lots of debt can be bankruptcy and then you can start again with a clean slate. As others advise, talk to a government (free) debt advice centre - google "money advice service". Do not go to a commercial debt consolidator. I realise it's difficult for you to make time for stuff like this but actually once you have the money you SHOULD have available actually there, you may find you can afford the support that you so desperately need. xx

ProfPlumSpeaking (sorry to interrupt thread), but Prof Plum... I keep thinking Cluedo... and I keep thinking you're a man... but you're not (I don't think... or are you... no idea really). It's a great authoritative name though! I might change my name... am definitely not Miss Scarlet! Col. Mustard perhaps!
Hedgehog.... how are you feeling after all of this?

I'm ok, tired as usual but ok!

Trying to get everything sorted in my mind, know I have to go to gp tomorrow, speak to sw and try if I get time to look into improving finances.

Previous posters are right. Paying off debts quickly is the 'good' thing to do, but it's not actually the smart thing when you are pushed for cash. Once you have an authority on your side - I don't know Step Change, but the CAB are very good with debt - they can have your interest frozen (hurrah!) and negotiate low repayments.

If your total debts are under £15k you can have them written off by a Debt Relief Order, which is a legal judgement but less constricting than bankruptcy.

If the debts are truly enormous, bankruptcy could be the way to go - but you can't get credit for some years afterwards, so not great if you have credit on standby for emergencies.

I'm sorry we've all thrown so much information at you this weekend, Hedge, and very impressed by your 'can-do' attitude! Your kids are lucky to have a mum like you

The six-point plan upthread is really all you need to get going. Good luck at the doctor's tomorrow

You are 31. You have 4 children. (That's quite young to have that many children - IMO). {Getting hang of abbreviations a bit here!}. Good at brackets.
I have no idea what you are like... general impression... soft, kind, worried, hurt, worried LOADS (yes again), loves lots, whatever you said about your education: your spelling, sentences, sense is all very good - so don't worry about any of that!
Yes... tomorrow you are going to the doctors. You are going to say it's got really bad, I am struggling, me and husband struggled at weekend, I even attempted to hit him (and although he laughed, I did hurt my wrist). I/we can't cope. WE NEED HELP. And again... WE NEED HELP. Perhaps you need to cry. I know what GP's can be like. Sometimes you need to be right there in their face explaining (and crying if that's what you feel like/is necessary). You need them on your side.

Three and a half thousand pounds on car insurance

I pay £150 a year fully comp.

Would your husband not consider getting a car with a smaller engine? The one he has at the moment must cost a fortune in tax and fuel, you have said there's a loan outstanding on it and that the insurance costs £280 a month.

There must be several very much cheaper options which would free up some much needed money.

Didn't realise when he got it the insurance would go up so much, he said it would be same as previous car. Then after the accident it went up further.

Did you get the car on the motability scheme? Can you exchange it or return it? I think at present you would be better off without one. DB can take him to work. :)

Good grief what the hell is he driving? A Ferrari?!

My 17 yo son was given quotes of 3.5k as a brabd new driver!

Something needs to give there, and quickly.

When you're at the GP you must talk about your anxiety and depression. So much of your stress comes from anxiety that is not controlled at all, and depression that makes everything seem impossible. You need to ask for a lot of help from the GP for these two issues.

The anxiety is probably due to the fact that your four needy children depend on you for everything, and tge depression must surely be exacerbated by the fact that you hardly get any sleep. Respite and practical support are going to be just as effective as medicines, so don't forget to push for the support.

Most gp practices are pursuing a more preventative approach these days. :)

We did try to get cheaper insurance, my db said he would add himself to it (he's been driving a long time and his own insis cheap) but it didn't make a difference. We looked on comparison sites too.

I can only assume the car is too big and dh accident put it up by a lot, don't get me started on that the nasty people who lied about damage to their car. Dh went into the back of somebody, so yes his fault. There was a tiny scratch on their car, it was also the day dh didn't have his phone so couldn't take a picture.

The woman's husband then phoned the next day and started texting pics of VERY bad damage that we hadn't done, he said he wouldn't go to insurance if we paid £600. Dh said no, in that case go to the insurance (which has ended up costing us more but he couldn't bear to hand over money to liars). It put up the monthly premium by nearly £100

Have you rung the gp?

Next step, contact Step Change.

Not got anything done this morning, had a migraine shouldn't s we for ages and got stuck out my dsis had to come and get me as couldn't see to get home and it was dreadful. Head killing me now really want to go to bed but can't. Hoping dh will finish early as I'm feeling sick

Couldn't see I meant

Going to phone gp at 2 for emergency appt this evening

Do you think you can get a list of all your bills and regular outgoings together now? Then you can phone Stepchange.

www.stepchange.org/Howwecanhelpyou/Debtadvice.aspx

Will try when vision is properly back, ds2 will have a nap soon so I will be able to phone.

Really didn't need a migraine today

Hey hedge, have you tried to stooze calculator for your income and expenditure report? It puts it in a really helpful report that I could help you format for discussion here first if you would prefer. I'd be happy to talk you through it tonight.

www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

Then i can help you format the text to make it readable in here.

Something is off about the car insurance. Your Kia shouldn't be that much for a driver over 30.

The accident would have put the premiums up, but not to the extent you have described.

Only things I can think of are:

• Your DH has no no-claims bonus (or it wasn't protected and he lost it after the accident).

• your DH has only recently passed his driving test (so even if the car isn't excessive per se, the engine/value is just high relative to a new driver)

• Your partner has a lot of points and perhaps has even been disqualified/banned in the past or has a conviction for careless/drunk driving

Before you go down the route of lessons again it's worth you getting a quote. Even as a new driver you MAY (depending on why your insurance is so high now) find it's cheaper (even enough to pay for lessons.

In context OP the last time I had a quote for £2.5k, never mind £1k more than that (over 30, 10 years no claims, no points) was for a Porsche. I still got it down to £700.

Paying thousands for a Kia Sedona can't be about the car. There must be something (more than a rear end shunt) driving your premiums this high....