I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Hedge - that sounds awful and scary :( I hope the GP can give you something else instead.

Horse - I agree.

OK WorraLiberty. Fair enough. What you have to understand is if neither of you have had an inclination to hit each other before then you have no idea how you'd react, so husbands response was if I was really stressed it'd probably be ok if I hit him in the tummy (he big and strong and wouldn't really notice!). It probably wouldn't be OK if I did it in true anger, but it's hard to imagine being in that angry position if you haven't been. I have no idea what the abbreviation DV stands for. I wasn't asking you to Bugger Off from thread - only from me. I have realised this site is dangerous. Good bye.

Back to Hedgehog... x

DV = Domestic Violence

I totally understand what you're saying regarding how difficult it is to gauge when you're not violent people

Not really sure what you mean about the site being dangerous

I just didn't appreciate being told to bugger off when politely asking a valid (imo) question.

OP, I have no idea how I would react in your situation. How can I be sure I wouldn't have done what you did? NONE of us know what we are capable of. "There but for the grace of God go I".

I hope you and your family get the help you need. xx

Today I'm, once again, stunned by the gender bias of MN.

There are people supporting / enabling OP, or like rooners, 'I wouldn't worry about hitting someone bigger than me....'

You really, really need to look at your lives and your attitudes as you are a fucking disgrace to humanity.

Violence solves nothing.

The posters supporting me have said I was wrong to hit dh. I know I was wrong to be violent.

Hedgehog, I suggest put this thread to bed. Start a new one tomorrow if you need to, keep everyone up to date.

Perhaps those interested should start another thread about the gender bias of MN.

Not all of them Hedgehog and I think that's why some of us are so disgusted.

One person even said they hoped you didn't hurt your hand while punching him ffs.

So please don't think the people who are disgusted by that sort of attitude, are having a personal dig at you...they're not...it's just the shocking apologist posts that stick in people's throats.

I also think you should start a new thread tomorrow Hedge :) This one will just keep getting posted on by people who don't bother to read the whole thread. Try to get some sleep. I'm taking my own advice and I'm going to bed now. 'See' you tomorrow x

This is about the response to your posts,the minimisation of a significant event
I have no personal issue with you op.i do have issue with gender bias and platitudes you received because you're female
Op If you think this thread in anyway identifies you,your dh or dc I'd get it deleted

It just makes me feel so bad, and guilty that I was violent.

It may not have hurt dh (it certainly hurt my wrist) but I felt dreadful as soon as I'd done it with dcs in the house too. It was horrible I know that.

I think I will go to bed soon. Thankyou for all the support I've received on here.

Goodnight Hedgehog

The thing is Hedge you are the lifeline to four children with disabilities. It really doesn't matter whether you are right or wrong, or whether DH should keep his job or lose it. What matters is that you can care for your children who need you now.

Keep posting (but on a new thread) and ask for help when you need it.

I know Hedgehog but feeling bad and guilty that you were violent is not a bad thing at all is it?

I mean if you were in the mindset of some of the people who have posted on this thread, I really would be concerned for your DH's safety right now.

The truth is you, your DH and your children are living a very tough life that most of us can't even comprehend.

I sincerely doubt that giving up his job will actually make things better...it sounds as though his job is what keeps him sane.

However, you seem to have nothing to keep you sane and give you respite...I'm sure that's where the frustration comes in.

But at least you recognise you need help to deal with the violent way you reacted

For perspective, we've got to "know" the OP very well, here. Whether posters are being supportive or not, the message is that this is a sign that something has to change. Drastically. Of course punching wasn't the way to handle it. I don't think anyone is seriously disputing that.

I'm sure that, if we, as mumsnet in general, had grown to know a man so well, then unless he persistently came across as a total dickhead, he would be similarly supported to do what is best.

Great post, Worra

As others have said I would start a new thread tomorrow OP.

I think perpetuating this one isn't helping.

Having read it all (and the OP's other threads) it's clear to me we are dealing with someone of desperate need of help, who appreciates she has behaved very badly and furthermore agreed to seek help to address the situation.

Turning this into a MN gender debate isn't constructive and certainly isn't going to help the OP and her family.

The vast majority of posters have strongly expressed their abhorrence of DV - gender irrespective. Picking up on a minority of posts and claiming that represents the norm is just a distortion of the picture.

Finally I see no hypocrisy in condemning the act whilst offering sympathy with the circumstances that preceded it and giving support in the context of the OP's obviously very difficult circumstances.

Lying

You Boden clad women you

www.respect.uk.net/pages/how-we-can-help-you.html

Anger management was mentioned. It helped me. The link above is the place to start from this point. OP, it might be helpful for your DP to know you are accessing this resource.

for you op. i've read most of all the threads linked and really feel for you.

from me, too, Hedge, and I hope you get a decent rest tonight.

I don't believe that this question has been asked yet so I'm going to ask it.

Hedgehog, why don't you get a part time job?

Fit it in around DH's hours so that he can look after the children when you're working.

That way he get's to keep his job, you get some respite and don't feel as trapped and you will have more money coming in.

Seems like a win-win to me?

1. Check with GP that medication is compatible with learning to drive and if not can it be changed

Hedgehog, you really need to wrap your mind around the thought of separating from him.

He doesn't want your family or the life he has with them or with you. Lucky him, able to get away from it all and live in denial. Let him go. He is adding to your problems by simply causing you so much frustration.