I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

No,I'm factually asserting no man who'd punched dw would be told he's lovely or was provoked
I've seen LTB over minor indiscretions like attending stag do without de permission
There is an undeniable bias on mn

Scottishmummy, you are the new Xenia. Different focus but same mindset.

No idea what Xenia is.i am correct in pointing about the glaring differences in responses
Go overuse. Any aibu,relationship thread.where make us perpetrator there's no you is lovely

I am sure there are men that are provoked into hitting DW's too. Am sure I would treat them the same. It's about the actual circumstances. And we can only judge on the circumstances that we hear about. I don't think a serial wife/husband beater would post here(?). I suppose the difference is that men can hit harder (if they want to). I've not been on MN for very long. Never encountered (in my life) any hitting. Can only say what I think.

Find a similar set up with the genders reversed- you would find the abuser getting understanding.

"No idea what Xenia is."

A lie.

Utter rot,No man would be asked mitigating factor in hitting dw,or called lovely
As I said there was a stag do thread.the dp stayed away undisclosed venue
No blows,no altercation. Op was advised to leave him,take dc,and throw out his belongings

Op, I was reading this and going 'is it'?

And it is you. I'm so sorry.

The problem with your DH giving up work is if he were to become resentful of it, and took it out on you and the DC.

So you might be better off financially, but wouldn't be emotionally.

Otherwise, you do need help, badly.

Having read hundreds do scottishmummy and Xenia posts over the years, I have absolutely no idea what is Xenia-like about scottishmummys posts on this thread

I see he's taking it seriously, by using it to belittle you.

What OP did was awful, but your DH found you laughable. That is pretty awful too. You're at the end of your rope and he finds it funny.

I'm not seeing what's left in this relationship OP...

I don't think she's Xenia like either- apart from the blinkered monomania. But it is a lie that she has no idea who Xenia is.

Who cares whether scottishmummy knows who Xenia is or not

I'm not sure, I have been thinking long and hard tonight. I don't want to split up with dh BUT I know he really doesn't want to give up work, I think if he does then he will not be able to pretend anymore during the day that everything is fine and normal he would have to be with dcs 24/7 and I know he has found it hard to accept their problems especially dd2.

I need to find a way to be able to learn to drive and quickly, but its the money and the time etc. if I had the funds I would insist that dh had all four dcs so I could learn,I'm nervous but I think if he really won't give up work then what choice do I have. I'm going to google and see if there are any grants available.

I think I have a mental block about it but I can overcome it. A year ago I was needle phobic and contemplating asking dh to move out with dd2 as I couldn't cope wither diabetes but he went back to work and now I do all her jabs and its no problem at all, and I never ever thought I could even look at a needle so I know somewhere I have the capability to overcome my fear of driving.

posters on mn minimise female violence,but abhorr male dv
Blinkered is choosing to find an explanation based on her gender.
No man on mn would be offered such moderate or minimising responses

Xenia... is anyone supposed to understand. I certainly don't. But then I don't get many of the abbreviations either. Me lost. Night x

Don't you get it scottishmummy? No one is minimising! We want to help Hedgehog. And you don't.

Clearly you've not read the thread

(I asked my DH about hitting - we have never hit each other - he said as long as I didn't hit in face or willy region - but just did general punching in tummy region he'd be fine and know just frustration).

That's really quite sad ChilliQueen

Does he have low self esteem?

That's a good change of attitude Hedgehog, you need to get on with this regardless of what DP decides to do about his job. I agree that he would be worse staying at home all day anyway. If you do get driving lessons, do 2 hours at a time if you can, that way you get the learning done quicker. Driving isn't rocket science, just practice, it just takes time on the road.

But in the meantime you can always get someone to take you places in your car. If you can pay a PA who can help drive you around that would be perfect. They could stay in the car while you attend the appointments so you don't have to worry about parking up and getting in and out of buildings with all your dcs. Having a car is great but getting dcs in and out of it and finding places to park can make it quite troublesome.

Where are you based hedge? I would gladly drive you to appointments (but dh would have to leave you the car).

WorraLiberty . No.. we had a hypothetical conversation (never hit each other or even thought about it). So it's actuality very hard to put yourself in the position of someone that WOULD hit someone. I am not sad. I am a lovely person. So is husband. So bugger off!

chiliqueen. Xenia was a prolific poster. btw

I think this thread really demonstrates the willingness of some posters to paint MN as anti-man. The overwhelming majority of posts here have categorically told the OP that she was extremely wrong to do what she did. And the very few posts that have not done so have been rightly flamed by the rest of the group.

Yet it has been those few posts that have been picked up by certain posters as evidence of MN's anti-male bias. In fact the accusation of it happening before it actually happened. People see what they want to see.

Talking about what people would say if OP was a man is a false equivalence. The equivalent is if the OP was male on an all male forum would any of the posters excuse his actions?

I don't know what else to do, dh really really doesn't want to give up working. I think if he did he really would resent me and we would bicker constantly. He always seems eager to get to work and although he's tired at the end of the day I can tell that just by being away from dcs and out of the house he is 'refreshed'.

He does help with the bedtime routine and night care which I suppose is something. Sometimes I wish he would do more but he struggles and then gets overwhelmed I think that was the issue today, I wanted him to take ds2 as I was struggling with all dcs but he wouldn't and I was angry that he felt it was ok for me to struggle with four but not for him to struggle with just one.

Yes kasey,people do see what they want to see,that's exactly my point
They see lovely,they see stressed.because they want to