I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

I have told dh how sorry iam for hitting him, he said he walked out as he didn't want to laugh at me and make me even angrier, I said that I feel I've crossed a line now and I need help. He just keeps saying to forget about it.

I really, really would like him to give up work and help me but I think its unlikely. He can't cut his hours anymore, he's been lucky that he's been able to and not lose pay up until now as he works for his brother but he simply can't take anymore time off without it affecting the business.

Im 31

Hedgehog, your DH serially minimises your feelings and stresses and by saying forget it I think he's doing it again. If you can use this to get The SS support you need do it. Don't sweep it under the carpet. You know if you do he will bring it up everytime he wants not to be involved.

if he didnt want to help you today how is he suddenly going to want to give up work to help out 7 days a week.
you need outside help.

I'm glad he thought you being at the end of your rope was funny You do need help, you need help with what sounds like an incredibly demanding situation. Practical help, emotional help. I wish i could offer more advice and tell you to apply for X and write to Y but i don't have the information you need im afraid.

I can understand why your DH is telling you to forget it, but i don't think you should, not because you hit him, but because its a sypmtom of you not being able to cope anymore - you NEED to make your GP aware of this. Please don't let this go - not because i think you will do it again but because I am worried you are going to have a complete breakdown. Then he bloody will have to give up work - which i don't necessarily think is the right choice for you as i am not sure how much help he will be for you. You cannot help your children if you have a breakdown and end up in hospital, please get the support you need. I KNOW you have been trying but you have to make them listen.

I wish i could help :(

I expect next time there's dv thread that you all so moderate to a man
No knee jerk leave him,no change locks advice
That it's all well what shortcomings did woman have to provoke this physical rage

He keeps jokingly flinching and making silly comments and mimicking me saying I hit 'like a girl' and that I'm like ds1 when he loses his temper.

I feel so embarrassed of myself

it's all been said scottishmummy earlier. You aren't going to change the behaviour of hundreds of individual posters through you declarations. I think it's a good thing that someone who has committed DV has been treated sensitively, and been given some good advice but more importantly taken the time to establish the bigger picture. abusers need support as well.

This site has an inherent bias, it is a shame that no man would ever be granted the same kind of response but that's just they way it is. No amount of protestations are going to change that.

Hedgehog80, I haven't come across your posts before, perhaps we frequent different boards. In the current climate it us even harder for caters to get the help that they need to help them. When you visit your GP please do not try to put on a brave face, unless they see how bad things are you will still be left struggling. Ask your GP to find you more help with the children.

I know nothing about disability living allowance bandings or anything that can help here, so I won't try. But push for more help.

You've no idea how a man would be treated in similar situations. I myself have said I would not automatically slam a male without knowing the ins and outs and feel he would deserve help just as much as the OP but as usual people read what they want

fact is that we can moralise all we want - important thing is that op accesses support to prevent things becoming further out of control

I know exactly how a man would be treated. And it certainly wouldn't be by being asked what the woman had done to provoke it.

MN is very black and white re violence perpetrated by men.

well take the OP DH.

He's been demonised repeatedly in this thread...

Here's a man who has a disability...4 disabled children..a disabled wife...who has hit him today. Obviously extremely stressed, working, doing the school run..trying to support his family in extremely difficult circumstances. There is no bad guy in this situation just a horrible, horrible set of unfortunate eventualities.

I know i'll get flamed for that but this is a family issue. Not just about the OP

OP if you get DP to leave the car at home you can get a paid PA to drive you all around in it when you get sorted out to pay for help.

I'm sure you can hire someone for a reasonable rate to do this for you. Try advertising in the local paper or at the newsagents/supermarket. There are plenty of people around who could do that kind of work for you.

Don't let the DLA get used up on everyday living, use it for what it's meant for - help for the dcs. If you get 3 lots of DLA that's about £100 a day just for them. It really should support you right now.

If you find yourself spending it on other things like debts that needs to stop - you just have to find a way.

My calculations were wrong, it would be around £40 a day . You'd need to sit down and work it out.

can his family help?

Dh family never help. Mil lives a few minutes away but never helps. In the past when we have asked its been every excuse under the sun, once she said she had panic attacks but then went to the pub that afternoon and out again in the evening and shopping the next day.

My family don't help, DM is as toxic as they get. Things are improving with dsis though and I'm hoping at some point when we are getting on better she may be able to offer support but its a complicated relationship and situation.

Hedgehog - you were wrong to hit, but DH laughed, so can't be that bad. (I asked my DH about hitting - we have never hit each other - he said as long as I didn't hit in face or willy region - but just did general punching in tummy region he'd be fine and know just frustration). Is that what happened? I am sure if I were in your situation I'd be very frustrated and probably keen to punch something out of frustration (though not necessarily DH). I don't know you, and have never read any of your previous posts, so don't know your situation properly. What I have heard here sounds hard, you need to be strong. You're still so young. Please go to the doctors... explain what happened, how angry/frustrated/depressed/stressed/not coping/struggling etc etc you are. They have to help. Lots of love. You sound like you're a lovely person (reading between the lines). x

I have every idea how a man who'd punched dw would be treated on mn
LTB,change locks,links to women aid,amazon link to all men are cunts book
There's a gender bias to females,no man would be asked to explain mitigating factors.ever

If standard MN advice is that abuser should leave the family home then OP should leave her OH and he can look after the kids, no?

All men are cunts book?? Your argument falls down as soon as you see the need to lie to back up what you are ranting about. And how many times are you going to make the same point. We get it already sheesh!

OP good luck!! I hope you and your family can reach out and get some more help.

If he doesn't look after the kids anywhere near enough why on earth would she leave them in his care?

,here a lot of aww hum.and apologists fir her punching dh.i will comment on that
For as long as someone pops up telling her she's lovely,what provoked her
I'll rightly think a man wouldn't receive such moderate,do explain your triggers,responses

Scottishmummy, you're talking absolute rot. You'll carry on regardless, anyway, so I don't know why I'm bothering to acknowledge you!

Happyyoni - It doesn't look like a bad idea Sadly, it wouldn't improve the situation any, and I don't think Hedge has anywhere to go.

But did "Abuser/OP" do this only once out of sheer frustration at horrid circumstances? And husband laughed (and obviously not injured or worried by being hit) ... perhaps slightly different circumstances from someone (male or female) being horribly beaten up/abused and terrified for their (and their children's) lives? Every situation is different.