I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Marfans that should have said

Dh did change his hours from a 7 am start to 930 start when dd was dx with diabetes. He drops older two at school then drives the hour to work. He finishes half an hour early too but still gets in around 6pm if no traffic. He can't cut his hours back anymore.

I agree Droves - not sure what happened to my post.

My concern is that pushing her DH (rather than him coming to the conclusion himself via counselling) to do more is going to make the OP's life more unbearable if he is nasty and resentful about it.

Ideally he should step up to the plate, but I also think there is an element here that they both need respite. So taking his away to help the OP may not be the answer - as a family they need more support (though I agree even a few concessions in his part are overdue - lone holidays and the school run are good examples).

I hate to say it OP but it sounds like you would get more assistance as a single parent than you do now. That seems so sad to me.

Hedge are you in London? If so, then pm me and I will try to help you out at least short term. I have lots of time, and can see that your life is an uphill struggle at the moment. I am so sorry you have so much to deal with and can't believe that there seems to be no safety net. Perhaps you could contact a charity that supports your DC's particular disabilities and see what they can suggest, too?

here is a useful link www.cafamily.org.uk/

OP, I've read your threads now and understand a bit more about your story and how hard you are finding everything.

I also think that clearly you are both struggling, I can't find it in me to condone violence the same way I couldn't justify it if he hit you because he was stressed and tired but I do honestly understand that you are the one that is left with the entire responsibility for 4 DCs whilst he is at work and as such, are very very much in need of help, support and respite from somewhere.

I'm sorry I posted harshly to begin with, it was because I didn't know the background.

I do wonder if your DH would actually be the help and support you needed if he were to give up work?
It seems as though he "needs" to work, for his own self worth and also for a bit of respite and I wonder if he would resent you if you asked him to stop working altogether? Do you think he would step up?

You really need a break and I'm sorry if I am repeating what others have said but is there no help at all available from SS? I guess that's a stupid question, because I a sure you have tried to utilize every bit of help available, I'm just amazed that there is no help available in your situation and you are expected to just carry on without any support whatsoever, it's shocking.

Can an agency like CAB help you get your finances in order so you can pay for help, even a cleaner or something?

I wish I had some useful suggestions.

I am in north london, if I can be any practical help at all, please PM me. Even if you need a bit of help in the house or something at the weekends, I don't know but please just let me know.

Thank fuck for LEM.

Just out of curiosity, some of the more strident posters... what would be your solution to managing people who are violent? I mean, once you've handed them all over to the police and washed your hands of them... are they to be chucked in a cave somewhere?

I get it that nobody deserves to be hit, there's no need for some of you to be so bloody patronising about it though. OP came here for help. The bandwagon-jumping here and barking instructions at the OP is completely out of order. You sound like the worst kind of bullies. What do we do with you then, hmm? I wish MNHQ would pop onto this thread and tell you to support or just shut up.

OP... You have had some quite good advice peppered in this thread - get help from your GP. How will you work out the childcare around that? Do you think your husband will contact you to work out where you go from here? Do have any family/friends you can ask for help with the children from?

Whats wrong with this country that a family that are struggling are left without support or respite .

Is Eds a hypermobility syndrome ?

Are there any charities that could help ?

Its shocking but I fear tulips is right , I also suspect youd get support as a single parent

Oh, it's on two pages, I didn't realise that. There are some other really helpful and supportive posters as well as LEM, thank goodness for them too, I'd just about written off 'relationships' board as gone to the dogs.

Hedgehog, if I was in N London I would volunteer to drive you to appointments once a week. Sorry I cannot offer that kind of help. Of I would do childcare for an hour while you sat in the library with a book.

I wonder if there is a volunteering organisation in your area? My Mum used to do respite for parents with fisaed children, sometimes just helping with bed time and stories. Only now do I realise what an important thing it was.

I find it absurd that some people on here don't recognise the level of violence used matters.
Assault is assault,well it's not,not according to the law.
A tap on the wrist will be viewed somewhat differently to a hammer through the skull,regardless of gender of the perpetrator.

Hi Hedgehog I commented on your thread yesterday and I knew you were close to breaking point.Your dh needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and put his family first.He NEEDS to give up work to work with you at home.YOU cannot go on like this any longer and he may need to get out to work ( do I remember rightly that he went on holay and left you with all the kids too? ) but his wife is at absolute breaking point and he needs to look at what he can do to make your life a fraction easier.

Holiday not holay.

Not at all qualified to post here, lots of thoughts, keeping mouth firmly closed. Have read most of it. Brain whirring!

Hedgehog original post said husband left the house... has he come back yet? Apologies if I've missed something.

A tap on the wrist is different to an axe through the skull? Who knew?

I think posters were concerned earlier that punching was very much an assault. This was prior to disclosure of the background which now changes how people feel about this op.

Is punching not assault, in your view?

You'll get an easier ride on thread cause you're female.the apologists will convolute a reason
What are you going to do?what if you get the rage again?what steps will you take
You need to seek out some help. not aww Hun from mn cause your female

Yes, Chilli, H is back.

Thank you! So... GarlicReturns/Hedgehog... is it OK with husband being home... have you talked?
Personally (and am talking PERSONALLY). I have never hit anyone, nor has DH. But if we were to hit each other, he would floor me as is heavier and goes to gym and is very strong, I would look like a cartoon character (and unless I hit in tender areas they'd be no pain!). Neither of us would ever do. I'm not saying fine for women to hit men. Not at all. Am against all violence full stop. But I do understand. Everyone has a breaking point. I can't imagine your life Hedgehog...

We have talked a bit, not much as busy with dcs but dh really doesn't want to give up work. He wants me to learn to drive but even if we had the money it could take months so I don't know what to do.

I need a solution now and support now, I'm going to speak with him again later but I can't see any other options.

What is his job? could he work freelance, so control his own hours and diary? Could he work part time or find a part time job in a different sector, and you do the same so you both get some respite?

He has the legal right to apply for a change in hours due to his family commitments, although they dont have to agree.

He needs to understand that there are alternatives to working FT for someone else, and that regardless of what he wants your family needs more input from him, and that need trumps want every time.

Was on mn thread recently,op partner went on stag do,unplanned and undisclosed destination
The advice was leave him,change locks,throw out his stuff.all strident.yo go sista
I see a woolliier response here,female perpetrator.oh must be stressed,must be reason

Quite simply people on mn don't say that about male posters

OP as usual your DH is not prepared to be a proper partner. His needs top yours. I feel your pain which of course is no help at all.

Your children are so lucky to have you.

I really don't see how him giving up work would change anything for you OP because he does not want to help.

He might have more time to go fishing, or whatever. What makes you think he will help more?

You asked for help and he refused so you punched him. Him giving up work isn't going to change that is it. You will still ask for help, he will still say no. What are you going to do then.

Would a male who'd punched female be told wife,kids lucky to have him
I don't think so.the mn prejudices are in freefall tonight
If this were male perpetrator it would be wholly different thread

In my opinion DH should stay at work (sanity). You should learn to drive (harder when you're older, but VERY useful). Acknowledge, very expensive too. Perhaps you should also get a job (little one) when all DC are at full time school). Not necessarily for the money, but for sanity and meeting people. I've no idea really. Just trying to be helpful, but feel you must take yourself out of the situation for more than you currently do (1 hour on a Saturday when you do some cleaning). YOU NEED TO MAKE WHOEVER NEEDS TO HELP YOU TO LISTEN AND HELP YOU.
Hedgehog... how old are you? Am thinking late 20's/very early 30's...