I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

you say your finances are in a state - how you looked at the implications of losing your DH wages if he was to stop working?

A lot of people of this thread have alluded to the fact your husband is EA, some have gone to extremes of how much they hate him.

I've tried reading some of the context surrounding this in your previous but there's a lot. You're obviously in a very difficult situation.

Put it would appear from you posts here that you see him as EA, you don't have to answer but why do other posters feel he is?

OP - found your thread on AIBU re: transport.

Still working my way through it. Back later.

sorry you don't feel he is EA

Is there any posters near Hedgehog who can help her ?

If a few were to give her a few hours of their time , it would make all the difference .

Iif I wasnt in scotland , id drive her to schools until she gets a more permanent solution .

My husbands had to leave his job,we've had no choice we have 5DC and two of our children are disabled and I became disabled nearly 5 years ago a year after we had our youngest child.

I can't look after myself let alone the children because my health is so bad.And it's been ok,if my husband is up in the night with the children he either has an early night the next night or catches up on some sleep during the day(we are lucky that all of ours are school age now)both of you being able to get some more sleep would help a lot.

We both hated the thought of having to claim any benefits,it wasn't something we were used to.But we had no choice over our situation,when our children are grown up my husband will go back to work and we'll employ someone to look after me in the day.

Maybe you and your husband should see your situation in the same way,your husband giving up work,it's something temporary that will help alleviate some of the stress and lack of sleep and money that your all having to cope with.In the future when the children are older he can return to work.

There are government calculators online Hedgehog it would be well worth looking at them to get an idea of what your financial situation would be like if your husband did leave work.

Hedge - I worry that if your DH gives up work, things will be more stressful because although he will be available to help, I just can't see him being overly willing to help as much as he should. I don't know what the financial difference is between DH wages and additional benefits if he was to give up work, but I think it's something you really need to know before pressing him to give up work. IMO it would be even more difficult to have him home acting like he did this morning :(

He seems to refuse to believe that it's as much his responsibilty to sort the children out as it is yours. He keeps throwing the 'you wanted children' crap in your face, do you really think that will change if he gives up work?

He goes to work for respite - he's fairly upfront about that isn't he...

I think it might well make him more angry, resentful, belligerent :(

I don't think him giving up work will help. I think you'd both find it difficult being in the house all day together. Being stuck in the house together all day is a recipe for disaster.

We would be a lot better off we've known this for a year now but dh has insisted on remaining in work.

I panic if one of dcs is unwell and needs to see gp as I know dh will go mad about having to take the time off to take us and I almost feel too frightened to say I'm phoning as he makes such a fuss about being late for work as he has so much to do.

Its so confusing, yesterday's thread I was saying dh wants to keep working everybody said he needs to give up, today I admit that yes he does need to give up and people are saying it might not be best I'm so confused.

I think you've been really brave speaking about this and you sound genuinely aware of the fact that it is unacceptable. It sounds like you lost control and I'm guessing that what was said immediately preceding the lashing out struck a nerve with you. I definitely think you and your DH would benefit from talking about the wider issues with a counsellor. Good luck.

I don't think you should pressure him into giving up work and if he can't make himself available for your dcs that's his choice. It's not fair but he might have his reasons as his workplace may not be that flexible. Please get him to contact the link below, they will be able to talk to him about the rights he has at work and that he should be legally entitled to take time off for his sick children.

www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/parents-and-carers/benefits-and-tax-credits/contact-us-for-more-advice

It may be counterproductive for him to leave work because it might be hard for him to get back on track unless he has a specialism or is in high demand.

Another possible solution is hedgehog might be better off without her H .

Shed get more control over money , and probably wouldnt notice any difference with help for the kids
As shit as it may seem , she wouldnt have the extra work a lasy h brings on top of everything else and she would get the full dla so she might be able to pay for someone to help her with the kids . H would asl have to pay csa money for them .

I don't blame you for being confused Hedgehog - so am I!

Can you link to your other thread?

He does help, just not as much as I'd like. He gets to escape everyday to work and I know he really enjoys his job. It really is his respite but I am with dcs 24/7 and that's the problem I think.

I don't know how to it was in Aibu yesterday

Aibu to think that we are just as entitled to this help as older people (I think it was called) was about the patient transport scheme.

So your solution is for your DH to give up work so the taxpayer can support your family. I guess the rest of us better keep working to put the money in so you don't have to

Your h knows youd be better off if he stopped work ?

Wtf .... is he using his job to avoid helping with the dc ?

I agree that it is an extremely drastic solution to the problems that Hedgehog says she has which are transporting her disabled dc to appointments and being with them all day every day. She needs help with respite and accessing medical services.

There would be nothing worse than forcing this man to stay at home unless he really wanted to. He would be resentful and bitter. He would not be a good role model. Better he does what works for him. He does help a bit at home, but OP says SHE needs help. She gets plenty of DLA and she would be better off paying for someone to come in.

Someone needs to go through your finances for you OP.

Sillyoldcow ..fuck off , your being an arse . 4 disabled children are needing care here .

sorrelish.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/7-reasons-why-you-should-stop-bitching.html

Oh my goodness this is the total opposite of the thread yesterday when I was saying dh really wants to avoid giving up work everybody was saying he should and today we are accused of planning to scrounge off the state.

We would be hundreds better off each month as would get full hb but for the last year we could have both not worked dh has stayed in employment and I've struggled. I can't win. We have tried to do things this way and it hasn't worked.

Somebody did yesterday,I need to check ctc and hb as they didn't seem right a mnetter worked it all out for me.

We get no hb it stopped when dd2 got dla but that looks like it may not be right I need to check on Monday.

Even if the H stays at work , why does the dla pay for his car when its supposed to be for the disabled children ?

He could take over care of them and hedgehog could work instead ? He drives and has the car so hed find all the appointments and school runs easier than she does .