I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Whatever you say OP, you need to use your DLA money for taxis, driving lessons, a car, some help. Is there anything stopping you doing this?

"OP you would have got more help if you had said from the start that you have been suffering an emotionally abusive relationship for years and, in a final moment you snapped and hit out at him."

She pretty much did say that, but MN loves to play the "double standards" outrage at any abused woman who dares to ever fight back physically.

No Join she didn't.

So people just started into their "violence is always wrong" simplistic crap and didn't even read what she was posting.

I have read all her posts and nowhere did she say that she was in an abusive relationship.

Like I said on the other thread you had speak to the Citizens advice,speak to the children's schools they may know of organizations that can help you all,speak to a Special needs Health visitor,get on to Social services and keep on at them until they provide the help you need,children's centers might be able to help as well,your local MP can also be a wealth of knowledge sometimes and might be able to push to get you the help you and your family need a lot quicker.

Find out from any local colleges if they have any students that are trained or training to work with disabled children,a lot of the time they require hand on experience(Ive known mum's with twins,children with extra needs ect get helps this way)and they're help is usually free.

Some of it does pay towards dh car but the vast majority goes on bills, food, dcs needs, taxis etc. there's none left over.
If dh gave up work the issue of getting to schools appts etc would immediately be resolved.

Could you find out if you can get a double disability buggy.

but you would have to pay petrol and still pay bills.

Petrol for the car would cost Hedgehog a lot less than the taxis are costing her at the moment.

i read on hyour other thread you are on anti D's.
have you changed them recently because you shoudl mention your reactioin to your psychiatrist.

I'm not sure I could push it to be honest with older two dcs in ! They are heavy, well dd1 is. Some days they can walk a few mins, those days are a bit easier, other days dd cries if she has to go upstairs to brush her teeth its very hard.

Dh drives so could take them everywhere we wouldn't need to worry about them not being able to walk far.

Has anything changed for the better since you first started posting on Mumsnet about all this Hedgehog?

If it has not then are you sure that this is the best place to come for support?

I think you are dangerously fixated on your dh giving up work to help with getting the dc to gp appointments. That seems to be an enormous sacrifice to make, why can't the gp come to you sometimes in emergencies? Not to mention how fraught it will be at home if you are both together all day every day.

My dh and I both work from home a lot and sometimes, frankly, I can't stand it!

Where are your rl friends in all this?

No, same anti ds but also vitamin b6 due to severe pmt. I have been taking a lot of painkillers too due to bad migraines maybe its a bad combination, also a lot of piriton (allergic to mould and can't sleep otherwise)

I have no rl friends, I know a few people to say hello to but nobody who could actually help.

No family support either both sides.

It depends whether you would be better off financially and emotionally. If he stopped work you could both end up irritating each other. Some men feel very uncomfortable not working or they busy themselves with other things and end up being no help at all. I wouldn't expect that to be the solution to your problems.

Try this organisation - perhaps your DP could speak to them because they will show you how to work things out without DP losing his job.

www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/parents-and-carers/benefits-and-tax-credits/contact-us-for-more-advice

An obvious suggestion is you learning to drive. What's preventing this?

Are you certain that DH giving up work will actually help? Additional stress over money might escalate the situation.

Where I live there is a village service where volunteers offer to take those in need to hospital appointments etc.

Is there something like that near you?

Sorry I mean could your husband push the older two if he gives up work.

I know it's really hard I'm in a wheelchair and our youngest daughter can't walk very far as she's disabled as well.

Would one of your oldest one's or both of them be able to use children's scooters?Even if your using the car I was thinking you still have to walk a bit when your out of the car,going round shops ect

in your other thread your posted how work is your dh's respite.
i am sure it is.
you need a break yoruself of some kind.
i hope you find it somewhere

Tried lessons before, failed. No money left for them at all.

OP you need to learn to drive. It costs a lot of money but it will be worth it. You might be able to get a special fund to cover it.

Hedgehog is ther anyone who could help with kids at all ?

Dla I thinkmis only paid to one in a family now ( might be wrong ) , so funding another mobility car might be impossible.

None of the DLA should be going to your h if he's not making the car available when his children have appointments.

Why isn't his wage paying for food?

Had a ff grant previously for lessons second time around and just couldn't do it.

We don't have a penny spare, I can't go into it all again as did yesterday on other thread. We really just need both of us at home.

If the op's husband stopped working they would receive extra money in benefits and as I've understood Hedgehogs threads it's not just about appointments it's about everyday support at home with the children throughout the day.

I think its impossible. We only have half the story. Good luck with it all, op, but don't pin all your hopes on your dh giving up work. It seems entirely wrong.

The dla doesn't go to dh it goes in our account from which all bills come out.

Family fund ?