I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

did you say upthread that he was going to cut his hours? your DH?

what do you want to happen to help

Op I really think you should get in touch with social services for an urgent referral

Your children are living in a home where neither parent is coping and there has now been violence. That is not a healthy environment for any child let alone children with additional needs. I'm not saying this to get at you or blaming you for the entire situation,but something has clearly gone very wrong and you are all going to need as much support as possible

I'm not sure that DP leaving work will solve the problem, it might just make you both more angry with each other. Paying for home help would be the answer. Use the DLA money to pay for someone to come and declutter, a regular cleaner once a week and for some respite at night. Every local authority has a respite budget which must be used, take your share of it.

OP you would have got more help if you had said from the start that you have been suffering an emotionally abusive relationship for years and, in a final moment you snapped and hit out at him.

However, that still does not excuse violence. You need to end your relationship with him.

You want to stay with him because it's easier for you than doing anything else.

Quite excusetypos. I wouldn't be scared if my DH hit me - I'd be concerned for his mental health and frog marching him to the doctors.

Wouldn't you be scared he might hit your children?

This thread seems to have disintegrated into people being outraged because they think there are double standards at play, i.e. man hits woman = violent abuser who will escalate, woman hits man = person in need of help.

I'm defending the OP not because of her gender but because she's taking responsibility for her actions and I dont think life is that black and white.

I used that example because I wanted to say that for me this isn't a gender issue. If my DH hit me it would be so massively out of character that I think he would have something wrong with him. I would of course take any precautions necessary to safeguard my children. But none of this is really relevant or helping the OP.

Hedgehog , id help you if I could .

Even just doing the stupid stuff like washings or dishes or picking up bread ,& milk . Anything to ease the pressure on you a little .

Im in east fife , is that any good ?

FutTheShuckUp- That's why I asked. Stop being so aggressive.

Hello I see the thread has moved apace from this morning when I first posted.

I stand by everything I said then and I'll add now I understand more:

You need to see your gp first thing mon morning and use this to get help and support - gp needs to be speaking to ss and saying 'look this family is about to implode, they need help and they need it now otherwise there will be a bigger (& more expensive' mess on their hands'

As someone else has said, use this horrible moment as evidence you need help urgently. Poor you and everyone involved.

Isnt there anyone near op who can help take her & dc to appointments ?

Someone with adapted vehicle if possible ?

Thankyou for the offer, we are in nw London though so very far away.

I will definitely go to the gp on Monday and seek help for what I did today

hedgehog, I think the idea of using this as a clear indication that you desperately need more help is a good one.

Go to your GP and explain what happened and insist that you need more help via your social worker. tell the SW, too. They absolutely will not take your children away in the circumstances you describe.

I am sorry you have so little support in rl.

Could you move to within easy walking distance of a GP?

Chasedbybees, I totally agree with you. I would feel exactly the same way if my DH (married 14 years, together 17) suddenly hit me. I would know he was ill to the point of not being fully responsible for his actions.

I'm astonished that so many people are so confident that no matter what life threw at them, no matter how extreme their mental / emotional suffering was over a period of years, they would NEVER behave with aggression - because only bad, abusive people are even capable of that. I don't life is so black & white either. I dread to think what most of us would be capable of if we were in the OP's position.

Op I would find out if you can get a helper for at home every day,even if it's just someone to clean the house.You might have to pay but if your husband gives up work you wouldn't have to pay for taxis anymore so that might free up some cash.

I know what you've done is really bad,but I do also understand the immense stress your all going through,you really need to get onto your social worker and moan and shout so they'll get you some well needed help,it's no good them just nodding they're heads and giving sympathy,they need to get you some extra hands to help out with everyday living.

If she has four children on DLA she will be getting a substantial amount of money which should enable her to buy in help. DLA is not means tested and is there for the children, or for the adults to support their childrens needs. In addition she will be getting carers allowance which also helps.

Getting four disabled children out anywhere must be impossible without extra help so she needs to employ PAs who can do that for her.

Our gp surgery is about a ten min walk, I have a double buggy for younger two but on bad days the older two wont walk that far, ds1 cries as gets leg and stomach pains and dd1 gets dizzy/faints/legs hurt so even that is a nightmare.

During the day I'm often in another town as dcs go to school and pre school there and if we have an appt its a taxi journey that costs approx seven pounds each way.

During holidays we are virtually housebound as I don't drive and its horrible. I can't even take dcs to the park as if one or more of them is unwell I can't get any of them home. I feel trapped.

"OP you would have got more help if you had said from the start that you have been suffering an emotionally abusive relationship for years and, in a final moment you snapped and hit out at him."

She pretty much did say that, but MN loves to play the "double standards" outrage at any abused woman who dares to ever fight back physically.

So people just started into their "violence is always wrong" simplistic crap and didn't even read what she was posting.

You should be able to afford a motabiity car?

Well learn to drive OP, it's going to be the only way and will completely change your life!

And if you don't you can get taxis for these trips.

Our finances are in a state, I actually started a thread about that yesterday I really can't go into it all again here as well it makes me really unhappy.

If your husband leaves work,could you get another double buggy for the older children?so that way they'll all be in a buggy.

cant social services provide a taxi service to get dc to school?

So your finances need sorting out - what needs to be done?

Older two are 7 and 12 so too big. Dd1 has a w chair she uses occasionally and ds1 often sits in the buggy as well he can just about fit but its not safe.

Not sure yet the sw is looking at all the options for us. Its taking a long time though.