I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

do you get any respite at all op?

OP you both need help support and understanding. Neither of you are bad people by the sounds of it, just struggling with limited understanding support and resources

Chipping, the OP beating the father of her DCs (while they were present) is a very big deal. It is not just her relationship with him that has been damaged, she has damaged the entire family. That cannot be minimized.

OP, go to your GP on Monday and get whatever help you need to stop this extremely destructive spiral of behaviour. Obviously you and your DH are unable to sort this on your own and need outside help to stop destroying eachother and your DCs.

can you speak to you dc's community nurse team?

get a Statement of referral for help from social services. Use this event to make things better.

Sorry for the questions OP. Is it actually practical for your partner to give up work? Is his job (hours, being away etc) making the situation worse (would a different job help)?

How is he being EA?

I am sure you have been through this but what support are you getting from SS in terms of respite?

When you go see the GP you need to tell them everything. Not just what happened today but everything you are facing.

No respite yet, we were meant to be getting three hours a week but the social worker said her manager said we were not suitable for the scheme as there were too many issues and we had to be re referred to children with disabilities team.

Home start shut so we lost that support in may last year and the team around family meeting is in two weeks time so I have to wait till then to see what support they are proposing. It all takes so long.

I have virtually no rl support with dcs. Trying to build bridges with dsis but it will take ages as the relationship is very damaged but I'm hoping it could work out. I have nobody else.

Hedgehog, I haven't read all of this thread. Saw your OP & the last page or so, where you gave your normal username. I remember an earlier thread where it sounded like you were close to breaking point with your situation.

Of course you're responsible for your violent behaviour, as you acknowledge; but you're not solely or even mainly responsible for the extreme stress you're under on a day to day basis. I couldn't cope with what you are coping with in the absence of a supportive partner - possibly not even with one. I hope I would never behave violently, but am less confident about this than some posters. I think most people can probably be pushed to the brink.

I don't agree that you are any kind of danger to your children. I doubt that you hit your husband purely because you're stressed & tired. I imagine you also have a massive load of anger & resentment that you've been suppressing.

I'm so, so sorry you don't have support in RL - but you need to see your GP & you do need help. You said in your OP that you would leave your husband if he hit you. That means you CAN envisage leaving him in certain circumstances, & I honestly think that somehow you need to plan to do this. I don't know if there are positive parts of your relationship that you haven't mentioned in previous threads, but it just sounded like a nightmare in the thread I saw. Please try & get some help. I'm sorry, I know your situation is very complex & that you need concrete, practical help, not a load of opinions on a forum.

Because, YellowTulips, this op has a back story which apparently justifies her "beating" her husband. If this is the case then why post under a nc? All it does is create a sort of two-tier system of replies with both sides getting needlessly frustrated with each other. Look at all the drama that has been stirred up by this. I am not the one who is upset by this thread but others earlier on have been.

I agree with you MorrisZapp.

OP has no respite. Husband does.

Dh says a lot that I wanted dcs so I should be able to cope. He does help but says I need to manage but I can't.

long term emotional abuse does damage a person in a pervasive and abhorrent way.

So much so , they may not even realise its abuse .

Little compasion for a woman who is clearly suffering .

Instead because she once lashed out , shes classed as a man-beater .

Chipping , given her history i wonder if she would have had the same reaction if she had posted under her usual name ?

Is there a danger that if she goes to the SS for help in their situation, that THEY might look at things in black and white and could take her children away from her?

OP I can't feel for you enough. Working with families like you and the lack of help available and all the bureaucracy and red tape involved while people's lives are a daily struggle really frustrates and disappoints me

As you can see from my posts Mintyy I do not condone or excuse the violence at all.

However in context the drama/upset to MN posters seems far less an issue than helping the OP and her family NC or not.

I am not saying "don't post here" I am saying its not a good idea to post without adding the extra details in, if that is what the thread is going to become about.

I suggested not posting in this way again. Madisthenewnormal said exactly the same thing.

I was embarrassed of what I had done so NC. Thought I'd get some help and advice and could do something but it didn't work out like that.

The double standards are absolutely amazing and disgusting.

I'm glad that some women on here have sense to see that a woman hitting a man is just as bad as the vice versa.

'bless you OP' Really? She attacked her husband and punched him repeatedly. If a man came on here and posted about this we'd have his head on a plate.

No wonder there is such a stigma for abused men coming forward, when their attackers are getting sympathy and being told they just need 'help'. What they need is to be pulled up for their crimes and seen to by the police.

Neil you clearly don't have the slightest clue about the chance of children's services swooping in and removing four disabled children for one isolated incident

X- post . Just saw update .

I didn't realise everybody would want all the details as I'd said I knew I was wrong and just wanted advice on how to redeem myself/not do it again not to give my side of the story as I didn't want to excuse myself.

But now you know anyway.

you need to contact social services and tell them, get a change in your life.

you havent been hitting the dc.

Droves - I don't know. I think some people are just out to bang their own drum, irrespective of the actual situation. They aren't actually interested in helping someone, only in telling everyone how perfect they are, or what the 'law' says.

I think the only thing we can change that would actually help is for dh to give up work, that would solve the problems of difficulties getting to all dcs appts and would mean I have an extra pair of hands each day as I cannot cope with their needs alone