I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Rooners I have to disagree with that

An injury doesn't make it ok or not ok. If my DH punched me in the stomach it probably wouldn't injure me (because I am quite well padded!) it might not even leave a mark but would that make it ok for him to take his frustration out on me by punching me there? Throwing freezing cold water on someone wouldn't injure but it would be horrible and humiliating and abusive

To me, Fut, a spitting incident would require context before I could have an opinion on its seriousness.

I see what you are saying but the context and the details are important.

Different levels of danger - oh right.

Next time I see a woman posting about domestic violence I'll make a note of how many people spend a few minutes ascertaining:

The height of the man versus the height of the woman.
The weight of same.
Physical characteristics - after all the woman might be physically smaller but stronger.
The nature of the attack.

Yep

Op

If you are unwilling to contact police, can you contact OOH? Explain how you are feeling, say you need to step up and get help right now. Explain your mental state and what's happened.

Recognise that this is the sign of something very wrong in your life and it needs to be addressed right now fir your family's sake, especially your children.

I've skim read the first couple of hundred posts. Apologies if in repeating anyone.

The reason MN would advise a woman punched by her partner to leave is because she would not be capable of changing his behaviour. She can only change her own and the only thing she could do to keep safe would e to leave. It also assumes that the behaviour from he partner would likely escalate, which statistics show is the most likely future.

However, OP is the one who has been violent, she is clearly ashamed and does not want to repeat her behaviour and is looking for help to ensure it never happens again. So this is not the same situation as advising a woman (or indeed man) who has been abused.

OP, do go to your GP. Do not turn yourself into the police. Your DH may do that and if so, you can deal with that as it happens. You do need a serious talk with your DH to see if he wants the relationship to continue. Do you want the relationship to continue?

Things clearly need to change and this can never happen again. You have the power to ensure it doesn't but you need help.

Kaleesi, anything that causes pain, or humiliation or indeed injury to someone is wrong. Of course it is.

But there are levels of seriousness.

I do not know the context here and I don't know who the OP is.

No, dh is not injured at all, I punched and hit at him on his arms and body about four or five times but he has no marks.

To be honest, I agree that's not the point whether he has no injuries or I'd broken a bone. The outcome of the attack is not the point its that it happened in the first place and it shouldn't have.

Even under all the stress I am and believe me its a lot I know I shouldn't have hit him. I am going to see the gp on Monday and I am going to ask for help and counselling on my own for anger issues and for us as a couple. And for those of you who know who iam I think its time I insisted that dh gives up work because that's where a lot of the stress and pressure is coming from in that he's not doing all he could to ease the situation.

Also the 'well if I hit my DH it wouldn't hurt' don't take into account the immediate break in trust for someone who is supposed to care about you, that can be devastating black eye or not

I can't say - she doesn't want to be 'outed', but no, it's not due to 'new baby tiredness' - it's really not.

It is almost (if not actually) impossible for her to leave him without massive massive massive amounts of help from 'agencies' who wont/can't/don't have funding to give it.

She is so stuck and whilst he's not 100% and does help some, it's absolutely nowhere near enough :(

CalamityKate - trust me, her children are not in the slightest danger of being hit by her.

Mad - as I said, I don't expect people to have any understanding if they don't know the OP's situation. It is dire, very sad and very difficult and impossible for her just 'to leave'.

I am FAR more worried about the OP than her DH. FAR more.

Also there is the power situation

A person fully in control, using their power to abuse is IMO more of a threat than someone with very little power, trying to regain some of it.

OP can I ask if you feel you are in an abusive relationship as other posters who know you seem to be suggesting?

Even without the backstory I feel strongly sympathising with the violence isn't helping the OP. It cannot be justified. Ever - except in self defence. Not the case here.

Equally the relative size of the couple and damage done is not relevant. At the point of punching him she wanted to physically hurt him. The fact she may not have done so is moot. What happens the next time if she has a knife in her hands when's she loses it?

That said I am not unsympathetic. There are clearly some big underlying issues in this relationship that need to be addressed.

See your GP OP and both of you clearly need some support and counselling.

Oh I can see Chipping know who she is

if she is the one I remember then the H here has nearly all the power.

There's a world of difference between DV regarding men and women. I've been hit a couple of times or had something thrown at me in a heated argument. I was frightened or even hurt for that matter and I certainly wouldn't have even considered going to the police.
If it was the other way round, she'd be petrified and rightly so. I'm twice the size of her.

OMFG the double standards are making me fume.

Completely regardless of gender we have an OP who has been violently abusive to their spouse.

OP and many other posters have made excuses for this behaviour throughout the thread with comments about there being a stressful domestic situation etc.

This is completely irrelevant.

There is no excuse for beating your spouse. Never ever. Nobody deserves it, asks for it or had it coming.

OP you need to leave the family home until you are certain you've got your violence and anger management issues under control.

Sorry. Meant to say WASN'T frightened.

I am not in an 'abusive' relationship, I am in a family situation which is impossible to deal with on a day to day basis.

Neither dh or I can cope, neither of us can just up and leave and changes need to be made because things have just got progressively worse.

Tbf Neil your attitude does nothing to help male victims of DV

I'm glad your DH is not physically injured

Councilling sounds like a good plan

The other issues you have are awful but really you and your DH need to decide where you go from here and if the relationship is worth salvaging. There is only so much you can do to get the outcome you want because you both have to be on board

Princess (& others) the DH will not be scared of the OP hitting (and hurting) him, he will not fear for his safety - he will not have lost 'the trust' because it's not relevant.

It's never impossible to just leave. It's always difficult, sometimes alot more difficult for some than others, but never impossible.

If you're not in an abusive relationship I'm a bit concerned why people seem to understand why this has happened. If its due to lack of help you desperately need off your husband I would however define that as abusive

Sometimes i suppose it may be seen as emotional abuse, I'm not sure, there are a lot of issues and I may not see them clearly

OP, so pleased to read your latest post. He has to give up work and support you.

If you break down how would he manage then-he couldn't.

Well,that's decided then.

Next time a woman posts on here saying her oh hit her I'm going to ask her what she has been doing to provoke him and tell her it's ok,he was right and she deserved it.