I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

That's just the impression I'm getting OP. And in that case HE should also be seeking help, not just you. What you did was wrong but please don't put all the onus on you for getting help to salvage this relationship.
Good luck

OP may I ask if you have a physical disability? I don't mind if you don't answer. I'm just wondering if you're who I think you are. Sorry x

Chipping I disagree. I know the ops situation and she is under enormous pressure and I can see why she'd be incredibly frustrated with her husband

But however he has behaved doesn't make her being violent to him ok. I'm sure he finds their family life incredibly stressful too but would that make it ok for him to punch her?

I haven't read the whole thread so please forgive me if someone has mentioned this before. Do you see black and lose control OP? And not realise you're doing or saying something terrible? I ask because some people are affected by eating wheat like this .

You could try to replace wheat products with ryvita etc. and see if you can cope better with your life. (you do have to read the ingredients on EVERYTHING though) My ex DIL had these violent outbursts (hitting GD as well) and is much calmer now since eating better (she cuts out coffee too which makes her very stressed).

for God's sake, you've obviously spilled the rest of your sorry tale on MN so why don't you just tell us who you are? At least we'll be able to advise you based on the actual state of your relationship instead of this ridiculous game where some of us have the benefit of the backstory and some of us don't.

If you want the backstory to be mitigating then tell us who you are. If you don't want it to be mitigating then our opinions must remain unchanged. Your DH should kick you out immediately and go to the police.

What else do you want us to say?

Why shouldn't I post?

I have NOBODY at all in rl. I need to post here.

Mad - if you actually knew the situation I would defy you to find a way to make that happen, there just isn't the help available that the OP and her children need on a daily basis - just to get through the day :(

Fut - I would definitely describe it as emotionally abusive, but not physically abusive. I think the OP says 'it may be seen as emotional abuse' because she has been conditioned to accept it & is massively vulnerable :(

CalamityKate - trust me, her children are not in the slightest danger of being hit by her.

Sorry but that's not true...unless you're suggesting the OP planned to calmly repeatedly punch her DH?

Of course you're not suggesting that...so that leaves the fact the OP snapped, lost her temper and violently attacked him.

If that's how she reacts when pushed to the limit, you cannot rule out her children pushing her to the limit and receiving the same treatment I'm afraid.

She needs help to deal with this.

Cutting out smoking and alcohol will also help your moods (if you do those of course ).

I wish some posters would stop trying to position themselves as morally superior to everyone else so that the people who are trying to help this woman, who maybe know about the context of the situation, can try to help a little.

And Op seeing your GP on Monday sounds like an excellent idea.You will go won't you?

OP of course you should post. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk

Chipping I am definitely picking up hints of emotional abuse here, more than likely long term and a lot swept under the carpet. The OP sounds like she's at breaking point and of course hitting her husband is very wrong but of course anyone at breaking point deserves a degree of empathy no matter what they have done we find abhorrent

If you have nobody in RL, why are you scared of being outed? There's clearly a massive backstory here, and you're not helping yourself by being secretive. People are replying on the basis of what you've said in here, which may not necessarily be entirely appropriate.

The whole business of posting for advice would be far more useful if respondents were in possession of all relevant facts.

I'm 5'2" and a size 6/8 my DH is 6'2" and built like a rugby player.

If I hit him it wouldn't hurt him at all.

However I wouldn't dream of doing it and have never come close to hitting him or anyone else(including my dc).
The thing is, if I did one day try to hit him(after 24 years of marriage), it would indicate something was very wrong with me or the relationship.
He wouldn't be going to the police, he'd be taking me to see a dr.

And it would be exactly the same if he hit me. After 24 years of never doing anything of the kind, if he hit me this afternoon I wouldn't be going to the police, I'd be insisting he went to the drs.

Mintyy - really? No one had to respond to this thread. If it's causing you pain then bow out.

It's a sad day when someone is told "you can't post here" and quite frankly an unhelpful and selfish post.

Prey I xposted and missed some of your posts OP.

My post is irrelevant to your situation if you think there may be emotional abuse.

Quite excusetypos. I wouldn't be scared if my DH hit me - I'd be concerned for his mental health and frog marching him to the doctors.

Wow, this thread is bizarre. Some of the attitudes towards DV are worrying. I thought DV would have been taken seriously. It looks like a lot of posters think that DV can be justified.

Futtheshuckup in that case the same possibility should be applied to all women who have been hit by their partners.Or are women perfect little beings?I assume there is only half a story too with the op not proclaiming anything she may do to generally piss him off and forgetting how things will affect him.

Double bloody standards and I won't revisit this thread as,to be frank,it's disgusting.

I think it was a mistake to name change - you need people to understand the situation completely :(

Kaleesi - he doesn't need to thump her to take out his frustration on her, he has 100 other ways to do it that are far more effective :( In this case her hitting him is really not that big a deal, very much like a parent hit by an angry toddler - yes it's 'wrong' but it's not going to do any lasting damage physically or mentally.

triptrap - really, if you can't put down your black and white book on everything, there's very little point in posting on a thread where the OP needs HELP, not scathing comments.

OP - keep posting x

OP, given developments on the thread it seems like the only decent advice to give to you personally is to leave this relationship immediately. Although I suspect you've had that advice many times in the past and have not acted on it.

On a wider note, I'm sad and ashamed of the apologists on here. The men in my family are all passive by nature and I suspect that both my brother and my stepfather have received violence at the hands of their female partners. The women in question are of normal size, as are my relatives. What the fucking jeff does that have to do with anything. It isn't about size, it's about intention. An aggressive, angry person threatening and attacking a scared one is exactly that. I was beaten up once by a girl much smaller than me, I didn't hit back. I didn't really know how.

My views of some MNers will never be the same after seeing some of the posts on this thread.

Yes it is me. As a lot of you already knew.

No point in maintaining NC I don't care anymore. I've really had enough.

Chipping, your attitude is off, regarding DV.

Yep the same possibility COULD be applied to all women who hit their partners or all men for that matter. Life isn't black and white and unless you live through long term subtle oppressing emotional abuse you have no idea what it can drive people too. It's fuck all like someone hitting their spouse for getting them the wrong type of Hagen daz