I beat my husband today please help me

[Ashamedofviolence]

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Dh has come back.

He wants to forget it but said we need to talk as he cannot carry on like this and we need to find ways to cope with the problems we have.

He's decided to take ds2 out for a bit to give me a break

Bogey you're right, that way bitchy and unnecessary and I apologise.

I'm over-invested in this so I'm backing out.

I hate all the 'well I shouldn't have done it, but...' To me that shows they still think they are somehow justified, how many people who are violent think its ok because the other person was 'asking for it'? Too fucking many

If you commit domestic violence then of course you are abusive. Even if the victim is being a total bastard that doesn't make it ok. It's like someone saying well I'm not a rapist, I've only done it once

I hope your husband is safe and not injured and that your children won't be too affected by your appalling actions

Worral ive been in the position myself .ExH broke my nose and my jaw.

Id tell any loved one the same as I told op ... consider separating and go to gp .

I'd suggest it's probably the end of your relationship.

My DP was constantly punched, slapped, kicked by his ex. She kicked him in the face and broke his jaw on one occasion. Even now he still flinches if I move to quickly around him and if we even have a minor disagreement moves to the other side of the room.

It's a terrible way to treat someone.

It might be beneficial for you to discuss this with a counsellor, rather than just the two of you.

I hope your children are ok

I didn't mean to put the end of that, was meant to be

In the end I retaliated with exh , finally snapping when he lifted his hands once too many .

That was the final straw , when I became violent as well . Left that night , divorced him.

Walter :)

I don't know who you are.

You know what you did was wrong. Now can I say that I understand how a situation can escalate like that without being accused of victim blaming?

I think going to the police is ridiculous. If your dh wants to press charges, you can deal with that then.
I think you should deal with what caused you to become violent. I sounds an ongoing issue of not being able to cope, so you do need help. If your dh can't see it or refuses to help, you need to get it elsewhere.

GP on Monday sounds a good idea, be honest.

To those who think it makes no difference if the man or woman is being violent - of course it does. The underlying issues are the same (loss of control), the outcomes are very different, and I think a man knows if he repeatedly beats a woman she will be in hospital. The other way round this is unlikely.

Of course concerning the damage this does to the relationship there is no difference.

I have a friend who hit her husband under extreme stress during an argument. I noticed bruises on her upper arms and questioned her. She told me these were bruises caused by him gripping her arms in order to stop her hitting him. He had no bruises btw.
They got help, had therapy, are still together 10 years later and it never happened again.

OP, get help, please.

LEM I usually really respect what you post but I am staggered that you amongst others, are minimising this attack on someone's partner, purely because he's male so the implication is that he can take a good beating. I find it really horrifying. If a man came on here and said that he had repeatedly punched his female partner would anyone be asking questions like 'oh but is she bigger than you? Cos if she is then that's just fine'
What if op were in a lesbian relationship and had beaten her girlfriend, would that be ok too because fairs fair if it's two women?
Is it really the case that beating a loved one is only bad if it's a male hitting a woman??

OK, there's clearly a back story which the OP doesn't want to give but some posters are aware of.

With the information given on this thread, the OP's husband has been a victim of domestic abuse and should probably contact the police. The OP needs an anger management course at the very least.

It's a bit of a pointless thread, though, if we're only given half a story.

This won't make me very popular!
If he was calm and left the house,he wasn't badly hurt.If you punched him in the face,that is pretty serious stuff,if you punched him on the body,chest,arms,legs I doubt you done him much damage.Most women can't deliver an effective punch.I think you acted out of pure frustration.Talk of handing yourself over to the police is absolute nonsense.

I don't understand the advice on here. It is up to the OP's husband if he wants to go to the police. Either way, going to the police is not going to solve the OP's problems wrt to how she reacts to a situation. I would suggest the OP needs counselling or anger management to help her change the way she behaves when things 'get out of hand'. It sounds like she knows she is wrong and is remorseful. So if her husband is willing to forgive her and give her another chance then what's needed next is some understanding on the part of the OP as to why she behaved like this and what she can do to change the behaviour.

Do you usually revert to violence or lose your temper easily OP?

I know your dh wants to forget about it but really you can't forget about it, and you probably aren't going to be able to talk to a solution without outside help so please do go to your GP on Monday.

If you're stressed, depressed or need anger management counselling, they will be able to point you in the right direction. You also need to have counselling to deal with the dynamics of your relationship and enable both of you to move on.

I don't know your history. If there is a history of EA or/and DV then you should have counselling separately from your dh. Joint counselling will just reinforce the unhealthy dynamic between you.

For all your sakes, please let this be the point where you end this.

So if my husband hit me but it was on the body and it didn't leave me injured then that's ok? As long as it was because he was 'frustrated'

Since when has domestic violence been all about the severity of injury? So what if someone is bigger/smaller/stronger/weaker

So if a woman posts that her husband has broken her ribs we should tell her to leave but if she posts he gave her an open handed slap we should tell her that fine and normal and maybe she should just stfu and do as he asks?

People saying well a woman wouldn't hurt a man as much or couldn't deliver an effective punch aren't really helping the OP here. Yes she attacked him out of frustration but its still assault. If one of my service users did this to me it would still be assault and they would be liable for prosecution. That's not the issue here. The OP has asked for help not for validation of what she did

This won't make me very popular!
If he was calm and left the house,he wasn't badly hurt.If you punched him in the face,that is pretty serious stuff,if you punched him on the body,chest,arms,legs I doubt you done him much damage.Most women can't deliver an effective punch.I think you acted out of pure frustration.Talk of handing yourself over to the police is absolute nonsense.

The sad thing is, that pile of shit ^^ will make you popular with some of the apologists on this thread.

m.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-abused-men

And www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/help-for-abusive-women.php

Hope this helps ashamed .

where have i minimalised? I have said, like everyone else, that the OP needs to get help - she has said she is going to get help, i think thats why she strted this thread actually, to look for help.

Apart from the obvious physical difference, MOST of the time a punch from a man is far more damaging, there is absolutely no difference between a man and a woman. Being at the end of their tether and snapping. I would like to think tht i would point anyone in the same direction - GET HELP, get help now - I have told the OP to get help on monday or sooner from A&E or the samaritans if she doesn't feel in control over the weekend.

I hope her DH comes home and they are able to move on, i don't know the back story but this FAMILY needs help and i really really don't think this is something i would take to the police at this stage.

OP many of us have guessed who you are, and I for one am amazed that you have not snapped before. You have to get more help.

Perhaps getting yourself arrested might bring matters to a head. Some one would have to take notice then.

I've worked out which past threads are OP's :(

I predict he will use this to keep her in an anxious & apologetic state. "Careful now, we know what you're like," etc.

I know you're going to carry on 'trying', OP, so I have one very strong piece of advice for you. It is NOT okay to express frustration through violence, and this DOES need working on, even if it was a total one-off. My advice is to refer yourself to the GP and ask for an urgent psych referral. This should get you some quality therapy for a time (or go private if you can afford to.) H ought to support you in this: you do 'need therapy', in a real sense. Please go through with it - good luck.

Some of these posts are completely odd, why is it even relevant that the other person is bigger and stronger? if it was a fight then it would be relevant but being bigger and stronger doesn't suddenly make being repeatedly punched not hurt.

From now on all DV threads we must establish the height and weight of all people involved before we can judge whether DV occurred.

LEM, but if we are judging the severity of the incident on the severity of the injuries, then it's ok for my husband to slap me, pinch me, pull my hair etc, because that isn't physically very damaging? If my husband came on here and described doing those things to me would you really wish him a nice relaxing day as long as he made some noises about getting help?