Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

Yea might do but feel I am becoming a right burden to out surgery. Me who never gets ill. You will be pleased to know I have stopped crying now and managed to eat a yoghurt. I am such a loser. I never thought my life would be like this, I fucking hate FW right now sorry for language

mistle yes nasty little snake, I hate snakes.

Sorry for language - so you should be! You are not a loser!

Maybe leave the ADs for a bit. Shoulder sounds enough for now

Come on OP who gives a stuff what the receptionist/GP thinks, you are having a bad patch and need a hand to get through it, probably hadn't been to a GP in years so it's your turn now.

I know one day I will look back and be glad I had the strength to kick FW out and sure I will find happiness again but right now it is dismal.

Did you cope okay driving DS home? Look at it this way, things can only get better.

Well painkillers seem to have taken the edge off but still agony. Had a lovely evening DS1 came with with GC's, cooked a nice meal for all of us and managed to get though the whole evening without mentioning FW once. I do feel for DS1 as know he is hurt that FW has not bothered to contact him, ffs he has know him since he was 2.

Glad to hear that the painkillers are helping. DS1 sounds lovely.

Well I gone and done it now, have joined a few dating sites, Fuck it, I am going to have a bit of fun. Being bombarded by good looking blokes ( some of them young enough to be my son is rather good for my ego, though why boys this young are interested in me is an enigma.
DS is lovely mistle and so is his girlfriend ( went out with her last Saturday) and GC are adorable, love cuddling them

Well done on the joining Blossom! Don't expect any of them to be 'the right' person though! If you go on a 'date' without the expectations that anything will come of it, you can't be disappointed.

Good morning, lots of positive stuff I see - DS1 and family coming over, shoulder better today and joinng dating sites!
This is much better, Blossom, go you.

Exactly mistle I have no expectations, will just see what happens, am rather excited about it all. Thanks donkeys am having a good day, I need to stand up and fight and stop being a loser.

ooh, don't do anything I wouldn't do and full report on here-

You can count on it sparkly Talking to a lush sounding bloke from Bristol right now, bloody hell I really need get some work done. Had some very interesting propositions this morning

Can this be the same person who only a few days' ago said,
...how the hell would I ever meet someone in deepest darkest rural SW, especially as I work from home.

Well exactly donkeys (just trying to justify online dating) I know it daft but being told some nice stuff by random blokes on the internet has given me a boost.

All the talk on MN about cheaters enjoying ego strokes - well who doesn't. The difference is, revelling in it at an appropriate point in life, not when in a relationship with someone else.

Sounds like fun. and if there are a few frogs you come across in meet ups, well, Rome wasn't built in a day.

Oh I do hope I can weed out cheaters, that is my big concern with OLD. But I suppose it can so happen in RL, on Saturday was chatted by this sleaze, his face was a picture when his girlfriend turned up unexpectantly in the bar. What is a wrong with people.

Without being stalkerish I guess you have to go online and see where their name comes up. Anyone who says he is separated or on a break, run a mile. Anyone who can only be contacted at very specific times and hardly ever at weekends, anyone who texts loads during office hours and then goes AWOL after 7, ditto.

Ah sound advice, I have jumped on the dating thread on here and am getting some great tips. Think key is not to take it too seriously and have fun. I have seen weirdos that on seem text early hours of the morning ( probably shift workers, LOL and I have it all wrong)

Fair point about shift workers! Well keep your sensible hat on, adjust your radar.

Yes another sleepless night, pain in arm and shoulder seems to have upped a level, painkiller just not working, well except make me feel completely spaced out. Have pain in the neck also now, was told if things did not get better in a couple of weeks to go back, I seriously cannot cope like this, simple tasks like making a cup of tea brings me to tears. Sorry for the moan. On a positive note, speaking to some nice people on OLD.

Think they call it referred pain, getting aches as a result of pain from the original site - anyway can well believe your neck is now playing up. the neck and shoulder are closely connected by multiple nerve pathways. You can't hold yourself properly so other areas carry the load so to speak.

Are you keeping the house too cool? Are you sitting for ages in the same posture? In the crap chair in front of your monitor. People always hunch up their shoulders when it's cold. At the risk of sounding like Granny Donkeys wear a thick scarf or shawl if you're sitting for a prolonged period.

Thanks granny donkeys . So you are thinking I need to ride this out? Give it some time, I don't suppose patience is my best quality. Just finding it hard to concentrate on anything, moan moan.

God, no. I just meant, keep warm until you see your GP again. .