Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

Yes I am, chair is shit. It does seem particularly bad when typing. Can't believe Naproxen and paracaetomol not even touching it, can't stay like this for another couple weeks.

sprakly I think it may well be, what can be done?

My GP said 400g Ibroprofen (but can't remember how many in a day, sorry) for 2 weeks, plus rest it as much as you can. Also gave me some gel to put on. To my surprise, it worked. Also I seem to remember a MN guest chat about rsi which said the same - perhaps you could search for it.

Can't take Ibtoprofen with Naproxen ( same type of drug but stronger) just not bloody working. Not able to rest sadly, though ds was so sweet @ the weekend as took it upon himself to clean kitchen and lounge, even steamed the floors bless him

Aaaw at DS :) The thing about Ibroprofen is that it is anti-inflammatory as well as pain relieving - so I imagine the same is true for Naproxen? It did take the full 2 weeks, so don't give up hope!

I sound like such a whinging baby, have just called surgery to see if they prescribe something stronger, as it is getting worse and I can't cope on a couple of hours sleep or not working, am typing this with left hand

I was going to say I think that you need to go back if its getting worse.

She now thinks Epicondylitis ( tennis Elbow) and prescribed Codeine, so hopefully please god it should help, god I am going to rattle with all these flippin pills

Glad you've got something else to try.

(Although I ended up allergic to paracetamol and codeine after taking cocodamol one New Year...)

oh don't say that I am terrified of taking drugs but am bloody desperate. I have taken it once in the past and made be spaced out but I think it was a very strong dose ( mum got it from her work, don't ask)

I think it was just particularly unfortunate timing that resulted in me becoming allergic to them.... But it doesn't help on those occasions where a paracetamol would make the headache go away.... I've only got prescription painkillers that I can have now

That sounds like hard work mistle.
Think I am immune to pain killers, taking Codeine and not touching the pain, only managed a couple of hours sleep again last night, so much to do but feel over whelmed and exhausted. I have so many pills I am supposed to be taking now it is scary. Just wish I could disappear right now, I don't want to wake up each morning with this feeling of dread and panic anymore.

It will get better Blossom, really it will. You don't have P living with you, pulling you down like a lead weight and making things for DS worse - btw, how did his Counselling session go last week - did you manage to get there for it?

Are you taking the ADs ?

Yes made counselling, was not really sure how he is because I sat outside. He seems fine to me but she is referring him to a group that will build on his self esteem. His behaviour has been better this ( kitchen cleaning episode) Is hard to know what is going on in a teenagers head. No self harming though since FW left.
I find myself wishing terrible things on XP, like hoping he will get some dreaded illness and suffer, god that is terrible but I am so angry he can just walk away without a care, seen his DS twice in 7 weeks, not even bothered contacting DS1 who he has know since he was 2, even left his dog and stupid chickens here he and not taken anything other than a few clothes. It is like for him the last 20 years did not exist. Total twat. Breathe!!!!!!

Boggling isn't it but try not to waste head space on him.

No sparkle Maybe I should. Not doing very well. I think being in such constant pain has made me worse.

The pain certainly won't be helping!

But the ADs should help with the waking with dread and panic. (I just had the dread)

I just mentioned your pain to a rl friend, she said you could do with seeing a chiropractor. Tbh I don't know what the difference is between a physio as I suggested last week and a chiropractor or whether you can get by on rest and codeine. If it is affecting how you lie down then I expect you're not sleeping well. Grim isn't the word.

Oh thanks for listening to me, I can't tell you how much it means. Having a good cry atm, think pain, lack of sleep and painkillers making me feel weird. Also have really cut back on alcohol recently and not not numbing pain anymore, it all seems to be flooding out. GP wants to give it a bit of time and if not better then will be referred to Physio, I will look into the chiropractor donkeys Trouble is sparkly the dread is real as have so much is really wrong not just in my mind.

((Hug)) ouch probably should have squeezed less. I might be completely wrong but perhaps numbing the pain only holds it at bay,you need to get it out.

Yes dread is real, it is one way of responding to everything that is wrong in your life. There are other ways, the ADs should help, the dread can be replaced by determination, or by what a friend calls being poised and alert ie a state of readiness to deal with the crap.

I have the AD's on my desk, I am a bit worried to combine them with the strong painkillers as am feeling well spaced at the moment. Worried I will not be safe to drive later to pick DS up from school. Not sure what is best.
sparkly you are right of course, this is all about my perception, I have battled many problems in life and coped but atm just feel just too much for 1 person to cope with. Just wish I had some in RL to help me.

I would certainly see a chiropractor or osteopath if you can get to one. I would not drink for several months to afford a visit if necessary they can be that good. Ideally you could do with one that you've had some recommendations for.

I can't believe how some men appear to be able to walk away from previous lives as though they're shedding a skin and just leave it behind without a thought. In fact... perhaps you can think of him like a reptile that needs sweeping away with a broom anytime he creeps back into your thoughts?

You could post on the Mental Health board re possible drug interactions, where you will find many wise and supportive folk. Or ring GP again?