Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

Yes, Counselling should be interesting!

I need to go and get my back sorted - its been waking me up regularly for the last 3 months or so - trouble is that its fine during the day and only starts objecting if I lie down - particularly if I'm on my back.

Re parent's evening - if he's not been before would it be sensible just to send him a text about it or something (preferably in with something else factual re DS or similar) so that he can't blame you for not turning up?

lisa thanks lovey. Your dad sound hilarious. See cats are spiritual

I am only 48 and everyone says I look younger, blokes my age seem to look so old. Trouble is in my head, I feel like shit. Funny thing when I was with FW he would always flirt with much older woman or very large ladies, or inattractive people sorry I don't want to offend anyone, I used to think how creepy and weird and why. More recently I had started to think he was creepy, but could not put my finger on it.
mistle he will have absolutely no interest in parents evening, I can only remember him going once ( under duress) and he sat and said zilch, it was embbarassing, just like him

That's why I'm saying just put it down - don't hide it, don't expect him to turn up, but make sure that the date and time has gone to him. Otherwise in 8 years time if DS hasn't got a job after Uni or college or whatever, he will say 'its all your fault, if I had been at his parents evening when he made his choices I would have told him to do x not y and because of that he's done the wrong thing / got the wrong qualifications / whatever. If you can hold your hand up and say 'I told you about it' he can't use that stick to beat you up with in the future (if he can be bothered)

Blossomflowers My dad isn't just a thread unto himself, he's a full board!

I think your reactions and responses are normal for someone who has had a field full of manure dumped on them. You are struggling a bit atm, which is understandable, but once you are finally free of the shit then you will really blossom. You probably won't even notice when you start getting better, you'll just suddenly realise that actually you are doing quite well. I would be very surprised if you were to be single in a few years time unless it is by choice. Counselling will certainly help.

I don't have the good advice of the other women here, but I would tell him about the parent's evening once to cover yourself and then make sure you have a friend/ally around if pigs fly and he does turn up.

btw evil cat wasn't spiritual, she was evil. I used to have to buy the vet chocolates after every consultation (and there were a few towards the end). I miss her loads. My uninformed suggestion is that you can do yourself a lot of good by crunching up a bit of silver paper and watching her play.

Good luck

blossom I was certain sure my love life was over for good - and didn't mind. Give yourself some time on your own to reacquaint yourself with yourself. Once you are free and independent, someone may well appear in the natural course of things - thus speaks MN and I poohpoohed it, but they were right!

I actually quite fancy some NS attached sex with the right person , I am not ready for a relatinship but sex would be good. is that bad? I feel I have spent the last few years being a non woman. FW was sexually useless for past few years, he veered between admitying it was him back to blaming me for his impotence. If he had loved me enough he would have sought help with that. I will not forgive him for that alone

I totally get it - my sex drive had switched off, now it is on again and lust has returned. However, my days of NS sex are long in the past. The usual advice on here is to have a year off - but you have been without it for far too long. Make sure your twat radar is up to scratch; and also beware of infatuation on your part accidentally flaring up. The dating thread is an interesting one to read and is one of the ways I know what you young things are up to these days

Well my sex drive did not switch off but his did, I just had to live a sexless because of him and for what! Oh be sure I will try OL dating, how the hell would I ever meet someone in deepest darkest rural SW, especially as I work from home. But my twat radar will be well and truely twitching. I will never allow myself to be treated like that ever again. Would rather be a mad cat lady

Was @ the school till 9 last night with DS attending presentation about his subject choices, hard to concentrate because of shoulder pain but got through it and think DS is now almost clear which subjects to take. Have managed to get an appointment with DR surgery in a minute as pain so bad I am unable to sleep when drugs wear off and driving proving a problem, hope they can help. Ouch

Didn't mean yours had switched off - only that now I am full of lust again I can empathisise on a bodily level iyswim

Hope your shoulder eases soon.

I hope the Dr can help Blossom. Glad DS seems to know which direction to head in - even if there's a bit of fine tuning, to know a general approach is very helpful. (And, no, who can blame you for wanting sex)

Well have been told to rest shoulder, umm easier said than done, but DS is a strapping lad so will have to do the heavy work. .hey thank god for the steamer I bought last week. Have been given strong pain killers but told to take with food, bit tricky as have no desire to eat.

Food could be as little as a slice of bread and butter, or a Weetabix.

yea that is about it right now. As fairly newly diagnosed diabetic I do worry a bit but GP said not to panic and get my self well again. Sure my sugar levels are horrendous.

Holy crap, he has just deposited £1000 into my account as he promised. That is a first, said he will not let me down. Bit late for not letting me down but money will be very useful.

Glad you saw your GP. And what good news, money in your account. And there will be lots of possibles in SW, get your shoulder healed up first.

Thanks donkeys am in shock, probably the first time that I can remember him actually doing something he said he would do. Maybe feeling remorse. Bloody strong painkillers not working, having to type left handed

So sorry your shoulder is still bad.
But really pleased some money has come through for you.
I really hope you have a 'decent' weekend (you know..., as good as it can be)!
Take care of yourself!

I was going to paint bedroom this weekend as have had paint sitting there for ages (lovely calming green) but unless pain subsides would be agony and no fun. Want to eradicate any evidence of him.

Ha! and just booked a hair appointment for tomorrow afternoon, think I need pampering.

Hope the painkillers finally kicked in. How's DS? Enjoy the hair appointment.

Still in agony, is getting worse probably managed only a couple of house sleep, what to do? I can't go on, as can't concentrate on anything.
Weekend ok, went out for the first time since the split, nice lively pub and ended up in local night club ( god it makes you feel old) Did get some attention, one man in particular seemed very keen iyswim. Found it all a bit sad.

Hi Blossom, get you at the club!
So what's up with your shoulder? Would a massage help?

F know what is wrong with my arm, would love to cut it off right now. Started in shoulder and they said it was a muscle problem, but now in elbow joint, so I have my doubts.

Club omg, has been a few years, got quite a bit of attention for an older biddy. Also chatting a couple of men on line, why not? is an ego boost, as self esteem has been rock bottom for some time, I need building up

Could it be repetitive strain sydrome? I have that in my right arm.

I wonder if you need a different chair are your back and shoulders getting proper support? Are you hunching over a keyboard or are you straining forward to see the monitor?