Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

temperamental - the sort of misalignment I get, no the xray would not show that up.

Your poor DM Temperamental .

When I spoke to Physio yesterday ( the GP ref one) she was surprised it have taken so long for GP to ask for an appointment. I just feel I have wasted last 4 weeks taking horrible pills, that have done nothing but left me feeling sick and dizzy. Now started AD's today and feel rather odd, bugger have to drive in less than an hour

I honestly believe that the problem I had with my shoulder was that it was just slightly out of alignment. I begged, pleaded and suffered for two years - and I really was bad. I was described as 'haggard'.

In the end they operated under a general and found nothing - but afterwards I was fine. I think I just needed to relax enough for the joint to go back. Physio and drugs did not touch it at all but the ibuprofen wrecked my stomach. btw, citalopram can be a bit of a laxative, be warned.

My case may be different, only mentioned it to show a potential parallel, but perhaps an osteopath may help. I wish I had even heard of them fifteen years ago. It would have saved me a great deal.

Sending massive hugs and I wish I could give concrete advice.

oh thanks lisa you poor thing, that sounds truely horrible, willing to give it a go, who knows can't make it any worse. I am worried about taking drugs long term, well lol citalopram may counteract the other drugs which has caused the other other end of the spectrum, sorry tmi

Lol!

My experience is that it was the painkillers that were the problem (and a bit of a ahem blockage), and the ones with codeine are a lot more likely to be addictive than citalopram (haven't taken any in years, but was on them for decades before that).

It is shit having all the pain on top of the whole field full of manure that your ex has chucked at you and continues to chuck at you. I honestly believe that if you can get through the next month or two you will be fine. You are reacting in a very normal way.

You are looking after your ds, and you are doing the right things. Just wanting to get better is half the battle. If you can just keep putting one foot in front of the other during these dark days then you are doing well.

btw you are looking into how to get things better, the physio, the osteopath, etc. That is pretty good going with all you have on your plate. You may not feel like an Olympic hero, but give yourself credit for keeping going.

Fingers crossed your ex will start getting bored of playing games. Good luck!

Thanks lisa Try not think about FW, everytime he pops in my head which he does far to often, I try to think of somethings negative about him, ( not to difficult )

GP just called me and has just referred me to specialist clinic. god knows what that means, have prescribed more drugs in the meantime. She was not terribly impressed by Osteopath idea but said it can help some people.

I think I need to be kinder to myself somehow.

Well you've been in pain since 15th Jan so you probably know by now how debilitating it is and if you weren't getting a physio appointment 'til next month through your GP maybe it's worth a try.

Feeling so ill so have stopped painkillers as I feel totally spaced out and sick and not able to work, so deep breathing through the pain. Have Osteopath appointment this afternoon, I am praying that can help as I am really getting to the end of my tether, I just don't do pain that well. Scarey drive back from school run this morning as a blizzard came out of nowhere, felt so vunerable

Good luck this afternoon Blossom. Some horrible driving conditions out there be careful.

Thanks Donkey, I am desperate for it to be a solution. Think I might get liver failure if I continue with this medication, I am in a constant fog. Not sure what is worse being out of my head on drugs or in agony, what a choice eh

I hope the osteopath session is positive this afternoon Blossom.

thanks mistle don't know what to expect but worth a try.

Hoping Blossom got there and back okay.

That sounds exactly like me on citalopram for the first few days. If you can tough it out the symptoms they should subside (it will feel like hell and like it goes on for ages). I have been that sick, dizzy, disorientated person but once the symptoms eased then it really helped me loads.

If the symptoms persist then go back to your gp as other medication is available, just as there are a variety of blood pressure tablets I would say, though, that is worth trying for up to seven days to give them a chance. That is my experience, I'm not medically qualified.

Please be kind to yourself and keep yourself safe. You are dealing with some tough stuff. Give yourself the credit for putting one foot in front of the other. Until you have lived with chronic pain then no-one knows how draining it is. Until you have had to deal with shoulder pain you don't realise how many movements involve that shoulder!

Hope the osteopath went well.

Well that was interesting, had the inital consultation and did treatment there and then, lots of pulling,proding and clicking, oh and acupuncture, he thinks it is pretty bad and not 100% sure what the problem is though. Am booked in for another treatment tommorrow and results of tests. Not sure if any if I feel any difference, well lighter in my purse.

Just hope you see some improvement Blossom your sleep has been affected so even after a painful day you've been unable to recuperate.

Can't really afford to pay for this but then saying that I lost 2 hours work ths morning because I passed out on the sofa. So if this works then worth it in the long run. I hope, not sure this my imagination but sitting here with little pain, mind you had a couple of glasses vino ha ha

Dare I say my shoulder feels a little better, is in my mind? Also my head feels clearer, trying to stay off stronger painkillers if I can. Called GP surgery to see if X ray results, surprise surprise they are not back. Feeling a little sad because valentines day, but then for last few years FW had not bought me anything, except last year when he went nuts and spent a fortune then promptly left me a week later. . No wonder my head is fucked.

I told DH not to get me flowers - overpriced at this time of year and its all become very commercialised. We might go out for a meal sometime next week (DS is away!!).

Glad the shoulder is feeling marginally better - despite being off the worst of the painkillers!

Much better to go out next week mistle you will get a better meal. You are right about the flowers, florists and supermarkets take the complete piss.

It almost doesn't matter if it's in your mind ordoesn't have to be if you aren't in as much pain and moving more fluently.

No Valentine offering here from either of us (yet) but I guess it doesn't have to be an orthodox card or gift (lets self off hook).

That came out garbled (am sober honestly).

Will not be going back to Osteopath, found the experience weird well him actually, still gave it a try. Still painful but coping a little better seems good to relax it. On positive note have been speaking with a chap on line who seems really nice, have arranged a date fro tomorrow evening. He is only 41, hope he does not think I am too old for him

Need a rapport with whoever is treating you or not going to relax. Glad tiny improvement.

Have a nice date tonight. Figured out what to wear yet?