Please Help- I think I have hit rock bottom

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry I have so start a new thread, sure some kind soul will link for me, please?

But very briefly I asked my P of 20 years to leave a couple of weeks before Xmas, it has been a tough Xmas as NY as to be expected, I know if I was advising a friend I will tell her she was did the right thing.

But this weekend I think my mental state has taken an all time low, DS 13 is being very aggressive and difficult, normal teenage stuff all be it a bit extreme, I am struggling with him. I feel totally a drift.

I have just driven back from dropping DS off @ school and have sobbed uncontrollably and made myself sick from crying. I actually think nobody would really give a shit if I was not here. I am stuggling to see any point in anything. I have massive debts, not helping because it is hard to concentrate on work, I hate my beautiful house right now, just reminds me of us. I have a constant pain in my right temple. Eating really badly which is really not good for my diabetes.

I thought I was doing so well and this weekend it all seems to have come crashing down. I just want it all to end.

Sorry for the long rant but I need to sensible advise on how to get past all these horrible thoughts I am having.

Blossom, if I was in your position, I would go to seen an osteopath - provided that I got one that a few people I knew locally had recommended them. (I have no idea where you live but there's one in mid-Wales that I would travel an hour or possibly more to see if I could)

Funnily enough, I have just been to pikc DS up from school and local health osteopath is advertising for patients ( I though they were physio so did not go in) Stupid I actually know so little on this subject, having never had problems like this.

Might be worth a try Blossom.

Just booked an appointment for Thursday, having read what they do sounds def worth a go, said they treat exactly my symptoms. Well conventional drug methods are not working are they.

Dunno why but I feel so low this morning,having a sob. Just wish I could escape all this, the pain, this house, money problems. Just want to wake up and feel happy instead of that feeling of impending doom, Wish someone could whisk me away recharge my batteries. I just don't get it really thought things were looking a little better and then for no reason I feel like this. I just hate myself, hate my life. Sorry just need to get this out somewhere.

You're bound to have downs as well as the ups Blossom... but the ups will be there more of the time and the downs won't be so down and so regular as you move on.

I know you are right, just now I just want it to all end. I can't remember being properly happy, mind you that includes when FW was here. Right I have just taken my first AD, things have got to change. Hope it does not make me feel weirder.

and and

You've had a lot to deal with, why shouldn't you feel overwhelmed at times. On top of that physical pain that you've had for weeks and add to that any usual hormonal blip during your cycle and you're almost bound to feel ropey.

I know, you are right. It is very scarey when I feel like this, Am feeling a bit better now had a couple of cups of tea and forced some cereal down. It just not having anyone to turn, even fw had his uses and would listen and offer advice. Now I have no one.

Just us, at your service.

Sorry I am so ungrateful, you guys a fab. lol

Ha ha that was calculated to push a guilt button and I knew what you meant. It is still early days Blossom don't be hard on yourself.

I am always hard on myself, inside I am dying and being eaten up with anxiety and doubt. To everyone else I am doing great.

Btw how is DS, you said a while ago the pastoral care at his school had been very good, everything okay now?

DS seems fine, hard to tell, I am always asking him if he is ok. Def the SH's seems to have stopped. He asked me only yesterday when he next couselling session was, so maybe his way of saying he still needs support. He is on report again at school though. So hard to read teenagers.

Hugs

Don't underestimate the awful draining effect of constant pain. I think once that has gone you will find things a lot easier.

Sending lots of hugs and good wishes

oh thanks lisa I am sure you are right. It seems so unfair to have this pain, as if life was not hard enough. I have Osteopath appointment booked for Thursday and just had a call from private Physio who could see me tomorrow, I am now torn knowing what would be best for me, having never experienced something like this before . GP are useless

Okay I'm not medical but I would see the osteopath first. I think this all stems from misalignment. They can help with that and the physio will get you back to fitness. Armchair diagnostics aren't to be relied upon but that's my two penn'orth.

Thanks donkey I actually think you are right, Physio was quite damming of the Osteopath, but guess she wants her £40 lol. Will give it a try and see, I don't think it could be any worse.

I went to a physio when I sprained my ankle (really badly) last summer - it was definitely the right place for that as he was able to tell me what exercises to do and gave all the muscles that were really tight a good massage. However, osteopaths get alignment of bones sorted out - I get so that some joints don't move properly, so the others around move more to make up for it - then some muscles get over worked and some underworked and tensions build up and it all gets horridly knotted - getting the joint working again sorts that out.

Still puzzled as to why GP sent you for an X ray. The X ray would only show up bone damage, how it would it have helped with any soft tissue damage? Anyway you have had this for weeks, too right you'd be feeling cheesed off.

Wouldn't the X-ray show up bone misalignment? Maybe not if twas slight but critical.

DM found physio helpful for her shoulder after she'd fallen over last year and her idiot neighbour had yanked her to her feet by the arm

We are talking about the GP who even told to X ray wrong shoulder, duh I am not sure what to do for the best. just want it gone now