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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hiring male escort?

174 replies

Wolfinthewintertree · 04/01/2014 19:25

Blush

Hear me out before judging, I haven't had sex for five years and I'd really like to. Not loads, but I do feel quite 'up for it' when ovulating Blush

There was a storyline on this on a TV box set I've been watching this Christmas and I thought it was nonsense at first but have done some research and it does seem I could 'hire' one for two hours for £60!

Terribly wrong or a good way of my needs being met?

OP posts:
HOMEQCRICH · 05/01/2014 06:16

I've have also googled male escorts. On the site I found I thought it WAS plenty of fish.!! A couple of dodgy selfies and cheesy sounding profiles..I must remember to clear my search history!
sixty pounds for 2 hours was it? Sounds dodgy by that I mean this post

EBearhug · 05/01/2014 11:43

Ebearmy misgivings about this scenario is not about the morality of it, as the OP has no issue with that, but the quality of the sexual experience.

What are you going to get for £60? A moonlightling Polish brickie with missing teeth...

Well, there is that, too, and when I was looking into it, I found I was a lot less forgiving about things like missing teeth than I might be in "normal" life, because if I'm paying for a service, the whole package counts. So the bloke who responded to my enquiries about prices, who replied with a load of typos and "lol"s just came over as unprofessional and a bloke who was looking for sex for himself, rather than offering a service, if you see the difference. I could be misjudging him, but I'll never know. Whereas a couple of other sites did look a lot more business-like, with photos and list of personal stats (height, build, eye colour, hair colour and so on.) So you'd know what they'd be like physically (even if a studio portrait is probably more flattering than reality) - that still doesn't mean the sex would be any good, but I did have more confidence that they'd be more customer-focussed than the other guy I mentioned. I don't know if they have any guarantees of "satisfaction or your money back" sort of thing.

HOMEQCRICH · 05/01/2014 12:46

As in I googled male escorts after reading this thread. Each to their own and all that but it was purely for. .ahem.. research. Honest

MostWicked · 05/01/2014 13:41

I think the problem is not a lack of sex but that your experience of sex and attitude towards it is dysfunctional.
I do think you would be much happier with some therapy. I'm not trying to be insulting btw. I think this is not a healthy or happy attitude to have for you.

Why is seeing sex as a physical, more than emotional need, considered by some, to be dysfunctional? Why does wanting sex with no emotional strings make her unhappy?
This is all your opinion about how YOU see sex. It isn't the same for everyone.

Healthy sex is about free consent whether it is a marriage or a ONS.

Free consent - yes, but paying for the service, is just like paying someone to give you a massage. A prostitute is providing a similar type of service, only they are using a different part of their body.
Someone being paid has the same free consent to someone you have picked up in a club.

So person A can pay person B to massage their back and legs and that is perfectly fine, but if A pays B to rub their genitals, that is somehow wrong/dysfunctional?

MasterP0 · 05/01/2014 13:42

Wolf apologies I've not bothered to read all replies. If this was written for shock value, YAWN!

If you're genuine about just getting laid, why on earth aren't you on Tinder/POF and just stating your intentions??? It's VERY EASY AND CHEAP to get no strings attached sex in this day and age without paying for it! Men do it all the time, and it will be much easier for you, unless you look like a troll, even then you WILL find someone willing to "show you a good time". Good Luck

Offred · 05/01/2014 13:43

It wasn't seeing sex as a physical rather than emotional experience I was commenting on. It was the op's inability to experience sex as anything other than a transaction for services in return for money... Which is undoubtedly dysfunctional.

Offred · 05/01/2014 13:45

Paying for sex is not at all like paying for a massage. Not by any possible measure.

Offred · 05/01/2014 13:49

(If she could experience sex as a physical thing as you described she'd surely be more open to ONS and these so called "shag sites", she needs the escort because she cannot do sex which is not sex for money, was my point)

GarlicReturns · 05/01/2014 14:11

I'm just thinking about this massage/sex analogy. It's an obvious thought, because prostitutes often advertise massage. I'm thinking on screen here ...

If you went for a massage, and the practitioner made it obvious they were getting a kick out of it, you'd grab your towel and run, wouldn't you? Then you'd make a strong complaint about their unprofessionalism.

When people go to a prostitute, they expect the practitioner to fake pleasure to the point of orgasm. They might even complain of unprofessionalism if this wasn't done. So they are paying for the pretence of shared intimacy, as much as (or more than) the physical experience. It's so NOT like going for a massage, it's practically the inverse.

Isn't this, too, why we use the term "prostituting oneself" for professional tasks that involve creating false friendships, as in some sales situations and political lobbying? When we're paid to pretend we really like people we find obnoxious, we feel the job's demanding a little too much of us and we'd better get a bloody good bonus for this one ... because intimacy, even without sex, is too important to sell.

Actually I did a lot of that in my career. After leaving the field, it did take some heavy readjustment to stop feeling everyday relationships must have an 'angle'. When I meet people now, I'm totally free to choose how I interact with them. I kind of get how this could also extend to sexual relationships.

Fairenuff · 05/01/2014 15:11

Why is seeing sex as a physical, more than emotional need, considered by some, to be dysfunctional? Why does wanting sex with no emotional strings make her unhappy?
This is all your opinion about how YOU see sex. It isn't the same for everyone.

The OP has never had sex unless she was paid for it.

She has never had sex with a man other than as a client.

She has no emotional attachment to sex at all, has never had a relationship.

That is what is dysfunctional, no nsa sex which plenty of posters have suggested.

MostWicked · 05/01/2014 17:21

intimacy, even without sex, is too important to sell.

For you, not for everyone.
And there are people, who can have sex, without any feelings of intimacy. Just a physical act.

There are loads of professions where interest in the buyer is faked. I don't see where the big deal is in that.

The OP may well have issues that need addressing, but I don't see how encouraging her to have a ONS, is any better than hiring a prostitute.

StripyButterfly · 05/01/2014 17:33

Ooh, cringe. Sorry OP but this would be my worst nightmare. Imagine the point when you hand the money over. Do you specifically have to say what you want? Wouldn't you be wondering whether he was watching the clock dying for it to be over? At the end does he just say, "right, that's it, I'm off" even if you're in the middle of something. Those are the sorts of things I would be thinking of. As other posters have said, just try and pull. When I was OD, I'm sure there were sections on certain sites where men made it fairly obvious they were just up for sex.

GarlicReturns · 05/01/2014 18:43

Wicked, I may have phrased my posts badly. I do not use intimacy as a pseudonym for sex. It sounds as though you & I have different understandings of what intimacy is: I've had plenty of uninvolved sex, but I wouldn't say consensual sex is actually possible without intimacy. When I stick parts of another person's body inside my body, exchange spit and mucus with them, lose control of myself emotionally and encourage them to do the same - whether I know the other person's last name or not, I'd say that was intimate.

Transposing this to a commercial transaction lends some distance to it, as each party then assumes a degree of control: the buyer believes they've purchased the right to use the seller's body intimately; they also expect the show of intimacy. The seller fakes intimacy, thus keeping her feelings to herself while pretending otherwise.

You seem to have totally missed my point about the schmoozing I did in my old job! I didn't have sex with my clients, I made myself into their best ever friend. That, too, is emotional dishonesty & faked intimacy for the sake of the money.

Fairenuff · 05/01/2014 19:02

OP did you kiss your clients? I am only asking because I wonder if you've ever kissed passionately without being paid for it?

MaeveBehave · 05/01/2014 19:19

Ofgs, i dont think op needs therapy.

It is so easy for some who are in marriages or relationships to say she has a dysfunctional attitude to sex!! They havent been "tested" in the same way. (5 years of celibacy)
I am not considering hirinf a gigolo but there would be aspects to that that would b less awkward than habing a one night stand with somebody who is probably thinking u are a desperate old slag. No way would i have a ons. Too humiliating.
wouldnt be as cheap after using a gigolo.

Fairenuff · 05/01/2014 19:23

Maeve OP has never had sex. Unless she had been paid to do it.

Would you call that normal?

Of course she needs therapy.

GarlicReturns · 05/01/2014 19:26

Well ... maybe she doesn't. With due respect to wolf, she seemed to grasp what posters were on about fairly soon. With some personal issues, you just need to become aware that it is an issue, and you find yourself sorting out :)

GarlicReturns · 05/01/2014 19:28

I've never felt humiliated after a one-night stand, Maeve. Not even after a lousy one! How do you know what you'd feel, if you've never done it?

MaeveBehave · 05/01/2014 19:37

Well plenty of people find them rwally unsatisfying and degrading so op is not 'wrong' to have ruled them out.
I wouldnt think about paying for aex mtaelf as it would be just sex and pointless to me but people dont seem to accept her prerogative to rule out ons. She doesnt want that. I would never execute so to speak but i get why male escort preferable.

MaeveBehave · 05/01/2014 19:38

Ps i have had ons.
That's how i know they arent for me.

maddy68 · 05/01/2014 20:09

If it's something you want to do then go for it, my only concern would be how safe it would be in every sense of the word. Just be careful

sadaboutmum · 06/01/2014 06:52

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-25588234 don't know how to post links properly but thought this was interesting

BarbarianMum · 06/01/2014 07:29

Lots of male prostitutes are prostitutes for the same reason women are - drug, debts, coercion. Which is why I think its wrong.

LividofLondon · 06/01/2014 17:01

Hey, where's Brian from Leeds?! He was offering "yoni massage" wasn't he Grin

AnyFucker · 06/01/2014 17:32

It was Hull, not Leeds Smile

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