Girlfriend careless with mini pill

[concern3d]

I would greatly appreciate some input into my situation so I can try and work out whether or not I'm over thinking things.

My girlfriend is taking Cerelle. I have done a lot of reading about this and understand that it should be taken at the same time every day in order to be ~99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

However, my girlfriend is adamant that the '12 hour window' means she can take it any time within a 12 hour period. She has chosen 7am to 7pm. She therefore takes it whenever she remembers between these hours.

I have explained to her my understanding of how it should be used, but she is insistent that she has been using it for a long time and has been assured by a doctor that her use of the mini pill is fine.

We have had a number of conversations about this, which always end in hard feelings. What should be a discussion turns into an argument.

We have only been using the mini-pill for contraception as I trusted she was using it correctly. However, over the past few weeks as I have got to know more about her attitude towards and practice of contraception, I am concerned that we should be using a second method.

I feel as though I have no control over the situation and am placing all my trust in her. I am nowhere near in a position to have a child at the moment - either financially, or in terms of maturity. Additionally, we have not been dating for long. I would appreciate your opinions on the situation.

Lighten up (even)

It might be a problem, if she took one at 7pm one day, then forgot at 7pm the following day and only took another at 7am the following morning, thus taking pills consistently at 36h intervals.

As it is, she is taking the pills at between 12 and 36h intervals, with a 12 to 24 hour interval following a 36 hour interval.
If the doctor is happy, so should the bf.

OP if you are lurking, I think that the advice to go to a pharmacist together is a good idea. I was on Cerazette for a year (also 12 hour window) and thought that I was told that taking it roughly the same time each day is good, but the window they give you is usually erring on the side of caution.

Unrelatedly, you may or may not care, but I think your title may have given the wrong impression. You don't think she's being careless (I don't think), you are concerned that her interpretation of the instructions is wrong- but it sounds like you think she is taking care to follow the instructions as she understands them? But this may have contributed to the responses you got. Just a thought.

Everyone else: DP and I do not want a baby for at least 4 years (we are getting married next year, want to buy a house first, wouldn't be able to afford as much for DSD if we had a baby, plus both early in careers, etc etc). If I got pregnant now, we have agreed that for the sake of us plus DSD it would be best for me to have a termination. We also agree that our best contraceptive option right now is for me to be on the pill (I take it responsibly, if I ever miss one I take the MAP, and we neither of us like condoms).
Genuine qu- do you think DP is being irresponsible? Or is it ok for him to say that I should "have control" of the fertility, on the basis that we have agreed and we live together, trust each other, etc?

take the next one at the usual time

When did that mean take any time over a 12 hour period? Surely it means take at the same fixed time every day - people are falling over themselves to make the gf the goodie and the OP the baddie. Nuts.

*"If you forget to take one or more tablets
If you are less than 12 hours late
Take the tablet as soon as you remember, and take the next one at the usual time. The contraceptive action of Cerelle is maintained."

The gf use of the pill is fine, if she always takes a pill between 7am and 7pm.*

You see, I read those instructions and your description of how she takes the pills and I think that her use of the pill is NOT fine.

The instructions clearly indicate that there SHOULD BE a set time that they are taken and that not taking them for hours after that time counts as FORGETTING.

There's a lot of room for different interpretations of how this medication should be taken.

Which is why I would barely trust MYSELF to take it, never mind anybody else.

I've never ever said he was wrong to be concerned. I said he's wrong to try and interfere rather than just wear a condom. Even with absolutely correct use I'd still be concerned about the mini pill because I don't think it is possible to achieve perfect use even if you try to.

I'd be concerned if I was him but I'd also think it was not advisable to go bareback in a new relationship either.

I entirely stand by my first post before he flounced which said basically if he has now realised the situation isn't adequate and she isn't pregnant no harm done and lesson learned. Just start wearing a condom.

I also stand by the umbrage I took to him thinking it is appropriate to substitute her view for his when she is happy with her choice, presumably based on her particular life. They've already argued it out. She disagrees with his opinion on her contraceptive choice.

But, Join, this particular pill is very forgiving, and although it should be taken at a given time, there is a large window of safety. I really don't see a problem with her approach, and apparently neither did her doctor.

You could say the usual time is 7am and that she is allowed to forget up to 12h each day past that usual time.

But there is always a risk of the pill user being run over by a bus and, being rushed to hospital so pills not available, ok unlikely, but it is possible user has sickness and diarrhea and one pill is not digested, the already 36 hour gap means risk of pregnancy would be higher, surely.

I took the pill for years, it sat by my bed and I took pill at bedtime, carrying it around with me to consume anytime between breakfast and corrie would have been disastrous for me.

That's when you use MAP or a condom for 7 days. Not hard.
And it would be the same if it was strictly on 24 intervals.

I entirely stand by my first post before he flounced which said basically if he has now realised the situation isn't adequate and she isn't pregnant no harm done and lesson learned. Just start wearing a condom.

I also stand by the umbrage I took to him thinking it is appropriate to substitute her view for his when she is happy with her choice, presumably based on her particular life. They've already argued it out. She disagrees with his opinion on her contraceptive choice.

Completely agree. She is an adult. She has made a contraceptive choice that she is happy with and using it in a manner that she is happy with (and lets face it the consequences of it failing are more far-reaching for her than him). He isn't happy so he has two choices leave or use other contraceptive i.e. a condom. His views are not more valid than hers.

I thought the OP had a bit of nasty undercurrent running through it tbh. "I know better than her and she is being reckless and untrustworthy" (when in fact she's taken advice and been using the contraceptive for a while).

How the fuck is this thread still running?

You lot need to get out more!

The consequences aren't necessarily more far-reaching for her than for him. Once she is pregnant she has choices about continuing the pregnancy, he has none. If he's a respectable man, he also has no choice about whether to contibute financially and emotionally to the child. it's as much his child as hers.
If he was the type of man to cut and run I doubt he would be quite so concerned about her pill taking.

"Genuine qu- do you think DP is being irresponsible? Or is it ok for him to say that I should "have control" of the fertility, on the basis that we have agreed and we live together, trust each other, etc?"

Of course he isn't. Because you trust each other and have talked about it extensively. The OP doesn't trust his partner and she won't talk about it. Th situation is entirely different.

How the fuck is this thread still running?

Since when is an OP needed for a thread to keep running in MN?

From what Lweji posted

"Take the tablet as soon as you remember, and take the next one at the usual time."

Surely the inference is that the pill should be taken at the same time each day?

I know that it goes on to say that the contraceptive properties are not effected but usual time would be the clincher for me.

Yes the consequences are more far-reaching for her FetaCheeny. Even if she had a termination she would still have to have an operation. And being pregnant and giving birth are more far-reaching consequences than providing financial support (which she would also have to do).

On what planet are the consequences of a pregnancy not more far reaching for a woman than for a man?

Well exactly curlew.

The consequences on her physically will be greater. But she still has the choice to terminate the pregnancy.
I don't think it's fair to say contraception is more important for women than for men, purely because she carries the baby.

I never said contraception was more important for women. I said the consequences of its failure were greater.

"purely because she carries the baby" - that is quite a big thing you know and potentially dangerous

If it didn't say usual time, people might end up taking the pill at regular 36h intervals, because they'd keep thinking it was ok.
To have a 6 hour window either side of what could be considered the usual time should be fine. It results on an average of 24 h interval, with no more than 36 h between doses.

And the doctor also agreed it was fine.

What's important is that the concentration of the drug in the organism does not go below a certain level. The pill dosage will ensure it's well above the lower threshold to account for minor variations. If the manufacturers allow for 36 hour intervals in the instructions, it's probably still well above it then.
The pill is designed to keep constant levels of the hormones in the body at 24 hour intervals, accommodating for occasional longer periods.
But in this case, a longer period is necessarily followed by a shorter or normal period, resulting in an average of 24 h. And so, it should be fine.

I'm not trying to cause an argument. I know what carrying a baby involves.

She has made a contraceptive choice that she is happy with and using it in a manner that she is happy with (and lets face it the consequences of it failing are more far-reaching for her than him)

I'm merely saying I disagree. Men don't have the option of termiantions, (and terminations don't always involve operations) so the consequences of pregnancy for a women still involves choice.
I'm not saying he shouldnt take responsibility for his own contraception, merely that he has every right to be as concerned as she does about the contraception they (I assume as a couple) have chosen.

We've been saying all along he should take responsibility, Feta.

But his part in it shouldn't be badgering her on her pill-taking. If he wants to take control, he can use a condom.

Ridiculous to argue that women are not more affected by an unwanted pregnancy than men, though. Even though she has a "choice" - an early termination is no picnic - and will have an emotional and physical impact on her.

"You could say the usual time is 7am and that she is allowed to forget up to 12h each day past that usual time."

Well, you COULD say that. But that's not not say it's what is really being advised.

It seems to me that the advice is to take it at a regular time each day, but that in the event that you don't manage to do so you don't need to panic as long as you catch it within 12 hours.

Not that you needn't bother your hole taking it at a regular time EVER and that the 12 hour window is there to be used every day.

If DH were taking the male pill and interpreting the given instructions as you are, there is no way I would be shagging him bareback.

OK I seem to have stepped into a parallel universe here . Where have I said that it doesn't involve a choice? A choice that the woman will HAVE to make (the man doesn't have to make any choice if he doesn't want to). But even if a termination doesn't involve an operation it is still something that is happening to the woman's body that will not happen to the man's body. It is a choice that most women don't really want to have to make. And so I was alluding to that fact and that the OP's girlfriend is going to be very aware of those consequences of contraception failure. What woman isn't? It was a bit of a 'state the obvious' really. Or I thought it was.

Yes the man's choices technically end at the moment they have sex (although in reality there are plenty of choices they can make if a woman is pregnant and in long-term relationships they are, in the main, made together) - hence the replies to the OP.

And I agree he does have every right to be concerned about contraception. Completely. And he should absolutely take more control if he doesn't want to have a baby.