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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Girlfriend careless with mini pill

346 replies

concern3d · 01/01/2014 16:21

I would greatly appreciate some input into my situation so I can try and work out whether or not I'm over thinking things.

My girlfriend is taking Cerelle. I have done a lot of reading about this and understand that it should be taken at the same time every day in order to be ~99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

However, my girlfriend is adamant that the '12 hour window' means she can take it any time within a 12 hour period. She has chosen 7am to 7pm. She therefore takes it whenever she remembers between these hours.

I have explained to her my understanding of how it should be used, but she is insistent that she has been using it for a long time and has been assured by a doctor that her use of the mini pill is fine.

We have had a number of conversations about this, which always end in hard feelings. What should be a discussion turns into an argument.

We have only been using the mini-pill for contraception as I trusted she was using it correctly. However, over the past few weeks as I have got to know more about her attitude towards and practice of contraception, I am concerned that we should be using a second method.

I feel as though I have no control over the situation and am placing all my trust in her. I am nowhere near in a position to have a child at the moment - either financially, or in terms of maturity. Additionally, we have not been dating for long. I would appreciate your opinions on the situation.

OP posts:
Offred · 02/01/2014 14:10

Yes, there is anger on the thread which has been explained many times and I'm many ways.

Pan · 02/01/2014 14:11

Sorry to patronise you again. It just seems so easily done to you.

Keepithidden · 02/01/2014 14:12

Ha ha!

Fair enough Join, I'm not sure you can translate your approach to others quite as easily though. Shame really, because life would be a lot easier if people were as self assured, confident and honest as you and your DH.

SinisterSal · 02/01/2014 14:12

Not to worry love.

Offred · 02/01/2014 14:12

Oh FFS Jaffa. If you are aware you are not wearing a condom with a new gf you are not being tricked into a pregnancy. You are just an incredibly stupid, entitled misogynist.

curlew · 02/01/2014 14:12

"It's not about donning a condom and taking responsibility- it's about lack of communication and the GF possibly not being honest with him about what she wants." Well, if the second- then even more the first!

Jaffacakesallround · 02/01/2014 14:13

Ah, I see my post was too subtle to reach some people.

it was about communicating- something that seems to be a missing gene on here at times.

Chacha23 · 02/01/2014 14:13

fair points, SinisterSal

curlew · 02/01/2014 14:14

"None of us know her thoughts on this- she may very well hate condoms and have told him she doesn't want them used- that is why she takes the pill.

I don't know if this is the case- but it could be. No?"

He has no right to dictate what contraceptive she uses and how. But "neither does she^. "Told him she doesn't want them used"- on what planet is that OK? By either sex?

Offred · 02/01/2014 14:14

That was certainly why it made me angry... I certainly didn't miss that allusion in the op...

No-one is forcing him to put his penis in his gf even if she HAS directly told him not to use condoms. If he chose to continue having sex with her the pregnancy wouldn't be a trick would it?

Jaffacakesallround · 02/01/2014 14:15

I wouldn't have sex at all if I were him and didn't trust the GF.

Isn't that clear?

A condom might be your solution but it doesn't say much about their relationship does it if there is not complete honesty and transparency.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 02/01/2014 14:15

a guy comes on and asks for advice

he wasn't shitty in any way - and he was jumped on

in a committed relationship, having looked up and done his research - comes to get more advice from a parenting forum.

this is more shits given right here than most I have ever come across.

I think the majority on this thread have been unnecessarily rude

and that's coming from me!! ffs

Offred · 02/01/2014 14:16

He was pretty disrespectful about his gf custardo.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 02/01/2014 14:19

you're reading it differently than me - because I can't see him being disrespectful about her anywhere unless I missed a post?

Offred · 02/01/2014 14:22

Perhaps you are. My reading of it is that he thinks he knows better about her contraception and is annoyed he can't make her agree.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 02/01/2014 14:24

"Told him she doesn't want them used"- on what planet is that OK? By either sex?

I know, it's fucking weird Confused

But the reality is that whenever threads like this come up on MN at least one woman comes on to say how she wouldn't stand for her partner starting to wearing condoms.

FetaCheeny · 02/01/2014 14:27

I didnt think he had been disrespectful either and I read all his posts, think he only managed four before he ran for cover

dozeydoris · 02/01/2014 14:28

He was pretty disrespectful about his gf custardo

Not how it read to me.

More disrespectful of the gf to brush off his concerns (completely justified imo).

I'm with Jaffacake. The OP has to 'man up' and have the conversation as he said 'what should be a discussion turns into an argument', and get this sorted out.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 02/01/2014 14:30

my reading of it is that he concerned and wants to be responsible and check his facts by asking advice

and he hasn't mentioned his partners attitude to condoms

Offred · 02/01/2014 14:32

She doesn't agree that she isn't taking it properly because she is following advice from her GP. It is perfectly reasonable for her to believe her doctor's advice trumps her new boyfriend's on this issue.

Not agreeing is not the same as dismissing. In reality what she chooses to use for contraception is not up to him.

The only thing the op can reasonably do is use a condom in this situation as his gf is happy with her choices.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 02/01/2014 14:38

I just read it differently

dozeydoris · 02/01/2014 14:40

Yeah, but would a GP encourage erratic pill taking? Seems unlikely, more like the GP said that there is a 12 hour window when she can take the pill and be safe , but not that that is the rule for daily use.

FetaCheeny · 02/01/2014 14:44

There's no way the GP encouraged erratic pill taking. he had every right to be concerned.

Lweji · 02/01/2014 14:47

From the leaflet

"If you forget to take one or more tablets
If you are less than 12 hours late
Take the tablet as soon as you remember, and take the next one at the usual time. The contraceptive action of Cerelle is maintained."

The gf use of the pill is fine, if she always takes a pill between 7am and 7pm.
Storm, tea cup.

In the OP's place I'd always use a condom if I really didn't want babies.

Timetoask · 02/01/2014 14:47

Maybe I have very thick skin but I didn't see anything offensive in his question. He just wants to clarify his concerns with women, he cannot go and ask his friends, his mum, his sister, he cannot go to his girlfriends GP to ask them, so he comes to a forum like this to ask for help. What is wrong with that?

The truth is that some people here take offence for everything and anything. Liven up a bit!