Girlfriend careless with mini pill

[concern3d]

I would greatly appreciate some input into my situation so I can try and work out whether or not I'm over thinking things.

My girlfriend is taking Cerelle. I have done a lot of reading about this and understand that it should be taken at the same time every day in order to be ~99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

However, my girlfriend is adamant that the '12 hour window' means she can take it any time within a 12 hour period. She has chosen 7am to 7pm. She therefore takes it whenever she remembers between these hours.

I have explained to her my understanding of how it should be used, but she is insistent that she has been using it for a long time and has been assured by a doctor that her use of the mini pill is fine.

We have had a number of conversations about this, which always end in hard feelings. What should be a discussion turns into an argument.

We have only been using the mini-pill for contraception as I trusted she was using it correctly. However, over the past few weeks as I have got to know more about her attitude towards and practice of contraception, I am concerned that we should be using a second method.

I feel as though I have no control over the situation and am placing all my trust in her. I am nowhere near in a position to have a child at the moment - either financially, or in terms of maturity. Additionally, we have not been dating for long. I would appreciate your opinions on the situation.

[scallopsrgreat]

Or what Sabrina said much more succinctly

[FetaCheeny]

Of course I understand it is no picnic, although doesn't always leave a lasting impact (depends on the woman). I didn't meant to turn this into a thread about abortion so I'll leave it there, but I still stand by what I said. I just think the element of choice is vital.

I don't think he's badgering her, just discussing it with her and by the sounds of it she clams up. To be honest he left far too early to get enough info out of him. Does she prefer not using condoms? why does she avoid the conversation? how would she react if he suggested using them etc.
I do agree that he should just take control in this situation and use a condom in though.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Men walk away from unwanted pregnancies all the time, though - with zero choices to make or impact on their body.

The woman is the one whose body is actually pregnant.

[curlew]

It sounds as if you are saying that a pregnancy has a more lasting impact on a man than a woman because a woman can have an abortion. You're not saying that, are you?

[FetaCheeny]

No I'm not saying that.

[FetaCheeny]

Sabrina I credited the OP with a bit more of a sense of responsibility due to him being so paranoid about contraceptives. He didn't seem the point, aim and run type. I could be wrong though.

[curlew]

So what are you saying?

[Offred]

IMO the "point aim and run" types are also the ones who see the contraception as the woman's responsibility and think if the woman hasn't taken adequate care or has accidentally fallen pregnant on contraception that the pregnancy is her 'fault'... Despite being aware they had taken no precautions to avoid pregnancy at all themselves...

[Fairy1303]

I was on cerelle. My understanding was also that you can take it within a 12 hour window. It used to be rigid but it has been improved now to be more flexible. I think the longer you leave it the less effective it is.

If I were you I would wear a condom to be sure.

[Blu]

This could have been an OP. from a MNers teenage son , posting because he knows his Mum comes here for advice. Good advice is more effective if the receiver is confident to keep coming back to ask for more help when needed . The reaction this man was met with was horrible. Not on the 'use a condom' content but tone.

I hope if my gauche and inexperienced DS ever posted for advice he would be met with some patience and kindness

If I really wanted Crelle to be effective I certainly wouldn't be leaving it 36 hours, then 24, then 36 regularly through the month. It would feel like a risk when the first line of the leaflet says take it at the same time every 24 hours.aybr he did google it and maybe that opening sentence made him anxious . .

[Pan]

Well quite. He didn't use the correct diction, is clearly v irresponsible, expects worry-free sex and wants to be treated like a lord with all of the entitlement that brings, and enjoys harassing his gf (and where better to get that supported than by coming onto a mainly female web-site ).

[Lweji]

f I really wanted Cerelle to be effective I certainly wouldn't be leaving it 36 hours, then 24, then 36 regularly through the month.

That's not how the gf is doing it.

If she did it at 7am, then 7pm, then 7am and so on, it would be 36, then 12 (not 24), then 36. Giving an average of 24 hours. Quite different from 36-24-36, which gives an average of 30 hours.
The 24 hour average (and never going over 36 hours) keeps the average concentration stable and always above the minimum.
The 30 hour average would slowly lower the average concentration and would end up getting lower than the minimum required.

[Offred]

If it was a gauche and inexperienced teenager they would have been treated gently. I have seen this before.

Unsure why you're so invested in misreading and incorrectly repeating what's been said.

If you read the op he wasn't asking for advice about what to do. He wanted opinions. In all likelihood so he could use them to continue trying to impose his feelings about his gf's contraception on her.

If he was that concerned about having control over his fertility then he would just wear a condom and no real discussion would be needed.

I would also hope that no son of mine would ever be so disrespectful to his gf.

[Pan]

Nope Offred - utterly none of that is true, particularly para 3. You're just wishing to make unpleasant assumptions to support your position, nothing less. (opinions/advice - are really differentiating between those here?)

[Offred]

Have you read the op... Where he asks for opinions and doesn't ask for advice?

[Offred]

And yes we are differentiating because asking for advice about what he should do is totally different to asking for opinions so he can keep trying to impose his feelings on his gf.

[MatildaWhispers]

Agree that the aggressive tone here is uncalled for.

If someone of either sex is in a relationship that they believe to be a trusting and 'good' relationship, then of course it's not going to be easy to explain why they feel they need to use a second contraceptive. It is only on MN where I have encountered this idea that contraception choice is an individual decision, concerning individual responsibility alone. When I was at school and we learnt about contraception, I recall the focus being on the importance of talking together about contraception, that it was a joint decision, that it was a joint responsibility.

fwiw I am a woman and I posted a while back under a different name about my own concerns over having control over my fertility. I do now agree with the view that contraception is an individual decision alone, but I do not see myself as having been stupid, a numpty or whatever. I was not in a 'normal' relationship, and maybe this OP isn't either.

[Pan]

I would appreciate your opinions on the situation

Pretty broad appeal there, incl 'advice' which he received. You're just making yourself look silly.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

In all likelihood so he could use them to continue trying to impose his feelings about his gf's contraception on her.

Wow, just wow.

[Fennec]

There's no fail safe. Every time you have sex you are risking getting someone pregnant, regardless of the contraception statistics and obviously it's also possible if the woman has been sterilised, albeit rarely.

Even condoms have a failure rate.

Take all precautions then grin and 'bare' it. What else can you do?

Oh yes. Not have sex :)

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

When I was at school and we learnt about contraception, I recall the focus being on the importance of talking together about contraception, that it was a joint decision, that it was a joint responsibility.

What a fucking stupid and irresponsible thing to be teaching young people.

How the fuck can two TEENAGERS have "joint responsibility" for ANYTHING?

Young people need to be taught to look after THEMSELVES, and their OWN INTERESTS, and not taking on responsibility for some boyfriend or girlfriend they probably won't be speaking to next month.

FFS.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

And surely you misunderstood. Surely no teacher on earth would stand in front of a classroom of teenagers and tell YOUNG GIRLS that their decisions about contraception are a fucking JOINT DECISION with whatever bloke is trying to shag them that week?

FFS.

Sometimes I am thankful that I went to an all-girls Catholic school where we were taught to look after our own bodies and not consult some horny young eejit about what contraceptive he would prefer we choose for his benefit.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

I think that was misunderstood too - but perhaps it depended on the school/teacher?

At my school it was all "contraception is the responsibility of both partners" - a different thing from "joint" imo.

I was a teenager in the 80's and the emphasis on "both" was, I think, an antidote to the prevailing view that contraception was the woman's responsibility as she was the one who got pregnant. It was about getting men to take responsibility too.

I was a teen just as the AIDS thing started too - so the emphasis was very much on the men using condoms to protect themselves and their partner, and the women not being afraid to ask a man to use a condom.

Seems that this message has been lost more recently? I mean, here we have the OP, a young man, who embarked on a new sexual relationship without feeling the need to use a condom to protect himself/his gf. Pregnancy is the thing he's worrying about - no regard for STD's.

[MatildaWhispers]

I was a teenager in the 90s, at a mixed sex school. I don't believe I misunderstood. Of course it wasn't a case of the teacher telling young girls that their contraception decisions were a joint decision with 'whatever bloke is trying to shag them that week'. The context was (unrealistically! ) that you wouldn't be having sex unless you trusted your partner and were adult enough to talk about contraception.

[Pan]

I went to a Jesuit boys grammar school in the 70s. In the 3rd year we were given a book about how fish 'do it'.
It was very informative, and I now know more than I ever need to know. About fish.