Girlfriend careless with mini pill

[concern3d]

I would greatly appreciate some input into my situation so I can try and work out whether or not I'm over thinking things.

My girlfriend is taking Cerelle. I have done a lot of reading about this and understand that it should be taken at the same time every day in order to be ~99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

However, my girlfriend is adamant that the '12 hour window' means she can take it any time within a 12 hour period. She has chosen 7am to 7pm. She therefore takes it whenever she remembers between these hours.

I have explained to her my understanding of how it should be used, but she is insistent that she has been using it for a long time and has been assured by a doctor that her use of the mini pill is fine.

We have had a number of conversations about this, which always end in hard feelings. What should be a discussion turns into an argument.

We have only been using the mini-pill for contraception as I trusted she was using it correctly. However, over the past few weeks as I have got to know more about her attitude towards and practice of contraception, I am concerned that we should be using a second method.

I feel as though I have no control over the situation and am placing all my trust in her. I am nowhere near in a position to have a child at the moment - either financially, or in terms of maturity. Additionally, we have not been dating for long. I would appreciate your opinions on the situation.

[Waltons]

Show her this

Tablets must be taken every day at about the same time so that the interval between two tablets always is 24 hours.

And use a condom.

[sparklysilversequins]

She's not being careless, she's using it the way her GP has told her to. She should try to take it at the same time but does have a 12 hour window.

cerelle

Not sure why you couldn't google it yourself. I hope she isn't one of the few that contraception fails for, I have a feeling you wouldn't be too sympathetic.

[joanofarchitrave]

TBH my version of this would be 'if you don't trust her, stop having sex with her'. If she's already playing fast and loose with your life and opinions, and not respecting your very sensible needs in life, she's not necessarily someone you should spend your time with.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Don't be so silly, of course you have control over the situation. You can say condom or no sex. If you are shagging someone you don't trust it is a bit pathetic.

[HECTheHeraldAngelsSing]

Hmm, I am concerned about the risk of pregnancy. As a man, what to do what to do what to do
it's a toughie, I grant you.

[BertieBowtiesAreCool]

She's obviously happy with the way she is taking it, so I agree with the others. If you're not happy then you need to use another form of contraception. Or, it's a dealbreaker really.

If it was the other way around and a woman posted saying "My boyfriend won't use condoms properly, I'm worried" then she'd be told to take the pill or leave him.

Pregnancy is not something you want to mess around with if you're not ready for it - it can and will change your whole life, forever. So if you're not happy with the risk as you see it, stop taking it.

[duchesse]

If you're not fully confident your girlfriend is using her contraception effectively, you need to use some as well. How about condoms?

Therefore, I agree with you about the second contraception.

[Inkblinkandmustard]

Cereals does have a 12 hour window, one of the reasons it's used more often than the other POPs now (GP)

[Inkblinkandmustard]

Not cereals clearly, silly autocorrect

[EirikurNoromaour]

If you haven't been dating long have you both been tested for STIs before forgoing condoms? It doesn't sound like this situation has been well thought out, it would be advisable for a man who definitely doesn't want to have a baby to use condoms, every time.

[concern3d]

When I mentioned using a second method, I obviously meant condoms.

I was looking for advice as to whether or not you think I have cause for concern in this situation, or am overreacting. I was just curious as to how others would view the situation.

I have only now come to the realisation that there's potentially a serious problem with our choice/method of contraception and am clearly on the case to sort it out.

Although I appreciate the responses, quite a number have been pretty unhelpful and, dare I say it, rude. Why the attitude problem from a number of you?

[Waltons]

Because you said this: I feel as though I have no control over the situation and am placing all my trust in her.

[concern3d]

That should read: I feel as though I had HAD NO control over the situation and HAVE placed all my trust in her.

[concern3d]

This is in hindsight of course.

[HowManyMincePies]

The attitude is that you were abdicating responsibility for your fertility onto another person.

The only person with control over you not having a child is you. No one else. Especially not someone you have not been dating long.

If she got pregnant you would be saying it was her fault for not taking her contraception correctly not your fault for not ensuring your own.

[Mignonette]

He IS taking responsibility by asking for guidance on here. Here is a man saying he wants to produce unwanted unafforded children and some of you are having a go at him?

Would some of you like it if 'take some responsibility' was parrotted at you every time you posted a thread asking for guidance about some bloody aspect of caring for your children?

Jeez there are a few aggressive posts on here.

[Offred]

I think you're unfair expecting to not get a woman pregnant when you know you aren't using condoms. Precisely because you can have no control over another person taking hormonal contraception. If you have only now realised that not using condoms may equal a baby and she is not pregnant then no harm done and lesson learned.

Just use condoms from now on.

How or what she takes or doesn't take is none of your business really.

You're both responsible for your own contraception.

[AnnieLobeseder]

I have never understood why men are so willing to rely on women to be in charge of the contraception anyway. I would never trust another single soul with my fertility. But then, as a woman, I'm the one who would, quite literally, be left holding the baby.

As others have said, your GF is using her contraceptive correctly. But if if you're worried, take control of your own fertility and use condoms. If you don't want to be parents, it's usually a good idea to use more than one method anyway.

And as to why some people were "rude", I think if you re-read the posts, you'll find it's more that they were blunt in providing the obvious answer.

[sparklysilversequins]

I think it's your accusatory tone that irritated me. As you can see she is using it correctly and therefore not being "careless". Using a condom does seem to be the obvious solution to your concerns, I just detect a mistrustful undercurrent to your posts, which makes me wonder why you are with this person at all?

[Offred]

Especially in a new relationship.

[Mignonette]

There is an attitude problem Concern because unfortunately some MNers project their feelings onto people who do not deserve it.

I took responsibility for my contraception because it affected my body, not his. If my DH had posted on here asking a genuine question no doubt he'd have got the same shitty response "why are you putting it all on her" when in fact behind the scenes that is not the case at all.

[BertieBowtiesAreCool]

We can't answer as to whether she's using the contraception correctly, it's not a great idea to get medical advice from the internet. Somebody might well say "I took it like that and I was fine!" but that doesn't mean anything either.

Posters are just people and while somebody might happen to be an expert on contraception or a doctor or have lots of experience with this particular drug you can't know somebody is just because they say so on an internet forum.

I tend to take mine at roughly the same time every day rather than at a set time which I am happy with according to the research I have done.

"I have only now come to the realisation that there's potentially a serious problem with our choice/method of contraception and am clearly on the case to sort it out."

But don't you think it would be better to talk to HER about this? If you're not happy with her response or you don't trust her research, judgement etc then you have a pretty serious problem. For a long term relationship it would be a dealbreaker, for a short term or more casual relationship or if you're not yet at the stage where you can trust her implicitly like this then you need to take it into your own hands and use condoms.

[Offred]

Yes it was the accusatory tone in conjunction with the abdication of your own responsibility.

Really, this is not a dilemma and I don't know why you are here unless you're trying to humiliate her I don't know why you wouldn't just use a condom and/or google to check the correct method of using her pill.

[BertieBowtiesAreCool]

It's perfectly fine, BTW, to disagree with how she's interpreted advice she's been given etc but at the end of the day you either trust her to do it or you take additional methods.

[HECTheHeraldAngelsSing]

If you dont want people to point out the obvious, then dont say that you have no control over something that you patently have total control over.