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Original poster

Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

271 replies

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 01:39

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 21:15

Okay, after reading a few links and looking up the symptoms of sociopathy, I don't see it at all.. I don't think he has it at all. He has maybe one symptom.
Seems bizarre he'd say that. I think maybe he was exaggerating.

OP posts:
bisjo · 05/01/2014 21:15

How old are you?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 21:17

bisjo, I'm 28. He is 32.

OP posts:
Ragusa · 05/01/2014 21:18

Maybe he used the wrong word. It's a very odd thing to say about yourself. Why do you think personality disorder?

bisjo · 05/01/2014 21:19

So why waste any more time with him? You are in your prime. Go out and find someone who deserves to have you and your child in their life. Someone who is proud of you and wants you to be a full part of their life.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 21:26

Ragusa, I think there is definitely some sort of issue there.. I have vague experience of mental health problems.
He does use the wrong word for things sometimes!! (He's blonde Wink )

I love him bisjo, that's why I'm "wasting my time" with him.

OP posts:
bisjo · 05/01/2014 21:30

What do your friends think of him?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 21:32

My friends and family LOVE him. They really love him. Even my dad who hates everyone Smile

OP posts:
Wuxiapian · 05/01/2014 21:43

Have you had any confirmation from him about meeting his folks tomorrow, Miss?

bisjo · 05/01/2014 21:51

Do they know about your rows and his verbal abuse? Do they make any comment about the fact that you have not met his family and friends?

Was your latest row about tomorrow's arrangements?

DrNick · 05/01/2014 21:56

OP

relationships dont need to be this hard

bin him

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 22:00

Wuxiapian not today no, we've only spoken a little bit and he's been his normal self.

bisjo they do think it's odd I haven't met his F/F. They know we fight, but accept that all couples fight. It's only... once every three months maybe?
Yes, the row was about meeting his parents.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 05/01/2014 22:11

So still no definite plans for tomorrow? Are all the people involved working tomorrow?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 22:17

His parents are both retired.
I'm off sick until Thursday. He works for himself so can take time off whenever he likes.

He's meeting me at midday.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 05/01/2014 22:28

Did you ask him exactly what his sociopathic tendencies are? My dad is a sociopath, he has no idea he is one though. He thinks he is fine.

For me it boils down to one thing, if you think you need couples counselling one year in then the relationship is a lost cause.

I tried telling a friend that many times. If you have massive problems in the first year then they aren't likely to get any better.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 22:46

SamU2, I will ask him next time it's... relevant. Not sure how can I can bring that up in conversation. Smile

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 05/01/2014 22:53

Just ask him straight out.

It's a worrying thing he said, you have every right to ask for more details :) But I have never been shy on holding back.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/01/2014 23:07

OP it all sounds like such hard work! You've been dating a year, you should be skipping through sunlight meadows dreaming about the future - not trying to work out whether he has a personality disorder or not and thinking about counselling.
He thinks he's a sociopath? What is he doing, just making up excuses for behaving like a rude arsehole and hoping that if he gives it a name you'll think 'oh well never mind he can't help it'? What a load of bollocks.

You may think you love him, but he is not making you happy.

DrNick · 05/01/2014 23:12

not all couples "fight"

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 23:13

He says it's to do with a lack of empathy and the ability to shut off his feelings if suffering even mild psychological trauma.

I should probably point out, that during our one year relationship he has lost 2 family members to Cancer, and a close friend to Leukemia, which may go towards explaining some of his issues. (explaining, not excusing).
Also, he did nearly lose me, in June... that caused him a lot of stress and upset, when I came out of hospital he was so thin he looked like a spder!!

He had therapy before he met me and saw a psychiatrist.

In other news, I asked him to come to therapy with me and he said yes and that he's very "pro-therapy".

Like I said before, the therapy is not for US as a couple, but for us as people. Separate people... but together for support.
This meeting the family/friends thing is the only issue we have.
He has only once ever directed his anger AT me... and it was not physical.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 23:15

I don't know a single couple that doesn't argue about stuff now and then,. it's, healthy to have a different opinion to other people.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/01/2014 23:24

You can't fix him

The End

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 23:30

I'm not trying to, he's trying to fix himself.

OP posts:
MatryoshkaDoll · 05/01/2014 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 05/01/2014 23:33

How ? By sitting in on your therapy sessions ?