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Original poster

Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

271 replies

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 01:39

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 02/01/2014 19:57

Hang on.

You lived there rent free? But you had a home too, didn't you? You weren't homeless?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 20:00

Oh yes, I lived there so he could take care of me. I do have my own home.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 20:01

Basically he understood that I was anxious and didn't want to sleep alone. Plus he lived in a flat so it was easier for me to get around than in my house where we have stairs.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 02/01/2014 20:13

He just wants you in a separate compartment.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 20:15

Yeah, and I don't see a future with him, being in that compartment.

He says "you are involved in my life, if I'm not with you I talk to you every day". I don't think he gets that, to be part of his life... I should meet other people he shares his life with.

He has a lot of issues. We both do. He accepts mine and is usually so kind about them. If we could only get past this, we'd be great.

I hate that it makes things so complicated.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 02/01/2014 20:17

Good for you for identifying this isn't what you want.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 20:25

You've all made me realise that he doesn't really care about my feelings at all, and confirmed what I thought about him wanting to keep me in a separate box.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 02/01/2014 20:26

I know of a person whose partner had another life. The original partner wasn't on Facebook, the new partner was linked to his page. His friends had been told her finished with the original partner and the new partner had even met his friends. He had two lives and was bold as brass.

mammadiggingdeep · 02/01/2014 20:27

If you can follow that...like a plot on emmerdale...

JeanSeberg · 02/01/2014 20:31

Don't feel bad and that he doesn't care, I think he does but it's only in the way he knows how. Don't let it feel like it reflects badly on you.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 20:43

I feel like a bit of an idiot for letting it go on for this long. I just always took it as one of his "quirks".
Now I see his excuses are all rubbish and there are other issues at work.
You've all really opened my eyes and I may be crying about it now, but it will help me in the long run.

mamma, it took a couple of readings but I got it Grin

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 02/01/2014 22:19

But if a friend stays with you when she/he has their own home, you don't say they stayed "rent free"!

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 22:40

I'd never expect to stay anywhere for a long period of time without contributing financially. But perhaos that's just me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 22:40

*perhaps

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 22:41

I'm not entirely sure what your point is in regards to the thread anyway... Confused

OP posts:
Kitttty · 02/01/2014 23:31

"He has a lot of issues. We both do." - what are his?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 23:33

He has some very severe anxiety issues, requiring a lot of medication. This started about a year before we met.

OP posts:
DrNick · 02/01/2014 23:39

He's ashamed of you. ?

Ragusa · 02/01/2014 23:43

MissBurrows don't feel like an idiot - you're so very clearly not. And please don't feel you are being judged because your DS lives with your ex-p.... Not by me, you're not Flowers and I bet not by anyone else on here either.

It sounds like you have had some pretty bad luck in life with illnesses etc, and I really hope it works out well for you whatever decision you come to.

WRT your partner, do you know what if anything precipitated his anxiety issues?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 23:51

Thankyou Ragusa you are so very sweet. I appreciate the lack of judgement irt my son. He is very precious to me and I see him when I can, but my continuous health issues would still even now, prevent me from taking care of his needs full time. (I just had him for a week from Christmas to New Years eve... I'm exhausted! Grin )
I think his anxiety issues we down to his job and an unsupportive partner at the time.

I am very unlucky when it comes to illness and it drives me mad! They're all related in a round about way though.
Sometimes I worry that he regards me as a "cripple" and that's why he hasn't introduced me to anyone and isn't proud of me. :/

Thanks DrNick, that's hadn't occurred to me at all. Hmm

Anyway, he just called me, but it's late, he will be drunk, so I declined the call.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 23:52

I realise that post is littered with mistakes, apologies!

OP posts:
stickysausages · 02/01/2014 23:58
Thanks
Original poster
MissBurrows · 03/01/2014 00:04

Thankyou stickysausages.... and also, now I want sausages Grin . x

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBurrows · 03/01/2014 00:17

So, he text me asking me to call him saying it was "important".... I didn't. But I DID pick up when he called me, he's quite sober (big shocker) and he says he has arranged for me to meet them for coffee on Monday.
Fingers crossed this is genuine.

OP posts:
Blondeorbrunette · 03/01/2014 00:21

Other than my husband I never took a boyfriend home. My father was very strict and as ac19 yr old he didn't want me having a boyfriend. Bringing someone home would have been like vthrowingvavhand trenade into the kitchen. And my fathers mood was unpredictable so I wasnt going to put myself innthat position.

The only thing I was hiding was my mental home life. I didnt want it to put my boyfriends off.

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