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Original poster

Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

271 replies

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 01:39

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Strongmum72 · 30/12/2013 09:41

Oh that happened to me with an ex bf I never really got to the bottom of it as when I did meet them they were perfectly normal people. I was upset though as I met him in the march and by Xmas I hadn't met anyone and my children went to their dads I was on my own and he spent it with his family. I would voice how you feel as it upset me it was like he was ashamed of me or something and it's not good off the relationship, it makes you feel your not important or they're not serious. Is the relationship good otherwise ? X

Glimmerberry · 30/12/2013 09:43

Agree, this is a FWB situation in his mind...you're probably not "the one" for him.

TheHippyWhoWearsLippy · 30/12/2013 14:03

When you met his friend did he introduce you as his girlfriend?

I was with a guy for 3 years, the last year of that he cut all contact between me & his family. Turns out he td them we had split up & he had been shagging his hairdresser & moved in with her :( so as impossible as it may seem it's vey possible. He stayed with me 3/4 nights a week until I found evidence & dumped him.

You could be the ow I would serisouly investigate!

randdom · 30/12/2013 14:09

I didn't meet my now Husbands family for absolutely ages. He was well into his 20's by this stage and living away from home but I was his first serious girlfriend and he just got really anxious about telling them. It really upset me at the time but once he did tell them all was fine. There was no big secret, no big issue just that he had over dramatised thing in his head. I would talk to him about how you are feeling.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 16:07

He has introduced me as his girlfriend and the relationship is lovely... I don't ask him for money for bills as he hosted me for the most part of the year in his flat, before he moved back home.
He says he loves me and all that jazz...

He came to my parents for Christmas and has met them many times. He's good(ish) friends with my sister.

I just don't want to bring it up with him again as I feel it just causes so many arguments.
I feel lost really. :/ I love him a lot.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 30/12/2013 16:26

Arguments? So you've already had arguments about this when you've raised the issue?

There's something not right here.

KatieScarlett2833 · 30/12/2013 16:28

DH was very reluctant to introduce me to his parents. He was worried that they would interrogate me and scupper our relationship (they really hated his ex Hmm).
I had met all his friends fairly quickly though.
Eventually he ran out of excuses and made the introductions. It was fine.

MuttonCadet · 30/12/2013 17:06

I'd be more confused about the friends than the family (most families can feel like a bit much), but he should have introduced you too his friends.

Unless he hasn't got any, is that a possibility? (I mean except for your mutual friends).

Original poster
MissBurrows · 31/12/2013 16:04

Oh he has LOADS of friends, he's always going out with them but they're all "lads" and would probably feel a bit weird bringing a girl on a lads night out. Which I can understand.

Yeah, HellonHeels, arguments Sad

I wish I could get to the bottom of it all.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 31/12/2013 16:09

Dodgy. Dodgy.

I've had 3 friends who have been caught up in double life scenarios. Each time they never met the families...

Do some digging...

Lizzabadger · 31/12/2013 16:09

I think you have to bite the bullet and speak to him about it again. It doesn't sound right.

JeanSeberg · 31/12/2013 17:55

It doesn't have to be anything sinister, he just doesn't see you as a girlfriend and wants to keep you separate from the rest of his life.

I had similar and it was one of the main reasons I ended it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 31/12/2013 19:43

I didn't meet DH's parents til about 18 months in. He just didn't really see the need, he's quite a private person. One day he introduced me to his entire family. We've been together 7 years. It doesn't always spell disaster, however irritating.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 31/12/2013 19:44

I'd like to add we are now married with a child, and I see his family a lot.

ProphetOfDoom · 31/12/2013 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2014 06:22

If it's important to you, make it a condition of the relationship continuing. A whole year has gone by, he gets argumentative rather than arrange a simple meeting with his family and something is very wrong with this picture. Whether he's ashamed of you, ashamed of them or there's some Jane Eyre type 'mad wife in the attic' big secret.... you can't carry on with him until it's properly addressed. 'I love you' is ridiculously easy to trot out when it suits.... as is carrying on a double life.

Donkeylovesmarzipanandmincepie · 01/01/2014 10:27

OP if he were 18 studying or working far from home I'd say okay it's unusual but nothing too weird, at 32 I think it is. Unless they're naturists perhaps. Sorry.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 01/01/2014 18:59

It gets worse. Today his dad was to collect him from my house... well... he collected him from the local shop because "that's where he knew" despite the fact I live a street away from the shop.
Sad

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 19:21

So you've described the problem, what are you going to do?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 01/01/2014 19:22

I really don't know now. I really don't.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 19:26

Sorry that you're going through this, as I say I went through similar and it wasn't nice. Felt so much better when I took control.

What do your friends say?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 01/01/2014 19:37

They say the same as all of you guys. But if I tell him other people think it's weird, he says "they would agree with you, they're your friends.".

I feel pretty heartbroken right now so forgive my slow replies.

OP posts:
MatryoshkaDoll · 01/01/2014 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanSeberg · 01/01/2014 19:57

Don't make a big deal of it, just tell him you want to meet friends/family in January then say no more. If it doesn't happen, you've got your answer.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 01/01/2014 20:00

I guess my only choice is to give him an ultimatum.
Although every time I bring it up he says I'm being unreasonable and it's my hormones talking (I have PMDD).
I just don't understand why he doesn't realise how it makes me feel.
He's always really good about the PMDD, unless I bring up something he doesn't agree with.

OP posts: