Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

[MissBurrows]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

By having therapy of his own.

If you both requite therapy separately and together in order to save your relationship after only a year, there is something fundamentally not fixable about it. Seriously.

"Like I said before, the therapy is not for US as a couple, but for us as people. Separate people... but together for support."

....

its healthy to have a different opinion to other people

It is, except when the difference of opinion is between you feeling valued and equal in your relationship and not. It isn't really a difference of opinion though is it? It is utterly fundamental to your relationship, which is a bit different to liking different music, or supporting a different political viewpoint, or you preferring Chinese takeaway and him Indian.

You also keep changing your mind about the arguing. First it was that you argued loads when you first got together, then it is only every three months. But two days in a row you've posted saying 'we've just had a huge fight'.

You have just completely minimised everything you've said in the thread so far, which makes a bit of a nonsense of the help and perspective people have tried to give you.

I hope tomorrow pans out as you want it to.

Yeah, we've just had a fight in the last two days, but it's our first in three months.
We did fight more when we were fitst together yes.

*first

None of this is even relevant to the original question... i

The point is though, that if you raised the subject of meeting his friends and family every week you would have a fight every week. It is only because you accept him treating you as a sidekick to his life rather than part of it that you don't fight more often. You standing up for yourself = a fight. Which is not good.

I am genuinely curious about what you fought about when you were first together, because that really isn't normal.

Um, yes it is! It is totally relevant - do you really not see that?

We only have ever fought about this one situation. By the start, I don't mean the first day. I mean a couple of months in. I asked to meet his friends.

I'm not going to bring this subject up every week, because I will not nag and pressure him if he is not ready.
He has accepted he is ready not, apologised for not being honest with me in the past and vowed to sort it out.

His emotional issues and the fact we both require therapy for separate issues, but will go together for moral support is not relevant to the original question.

Like others have said it just seems like such hard work when you are at the stage in your relationship where it should be fun.

I think you have a lot more issues as a couple and individuals than the one you are choosing to focus on (not meeting parents).

You keep going on about how thin he was when you came out of hospital having nearly died. I wonder how much of the focus at that time was on him and how he was feeling rather than your needs? I know what it is like to be very seriously ill and in my experience the people who loved and cared for me put my needs above theirs and made sure they were not the focus of my concerns.

Not particularly Preciousbane. It's more a case of not being willing to just whimsically give up on someone I love.

He knows if things don't happen tomorrow... that that's it.

I think you are being far more "whimsical" in thinking that this is a viable relationship, tbqh

OP you really remind me of me 4 years ago. I was the same age as well. I was in a relationship very similar to the one you describe and it was destroying me. I finally did some digging and discovered massive lies (a supposedly dead mum who was actually alive - I'd comforted him and sent flowers early on in our relationship when she 'died')

The problem with relationships like this is they make you ill. I was physically and emotionally unwell due to the stress of this relationship. When I finally uncovered all the lies and dumped him I felt almost instantly better. Don't underestimate how much this type of relationship can fuck with every part of your body and mind. I thought I had depression and IBS - symptoms disappeared as soon as he was out of my life.

I really hope you get to the bottom of this because deep down your instincts are telling you this isn't right.

Is it still on for tomorrow OP?

My husband has a personality disorder. We have been together for 4 years and at times it has been really hard going. Do not underestimate that, you need to seriously think about whether this is the life you want for yourself before you commit. There were massive lies he had told me which I didn't find out about until after the wedding, and now he is seeking proper professional help things have slowly been getting better and moving forward.
99% of the time he is kind, funny, thoughtful and sensitive, he is my best friend and I love him more than anything. I am still with him not only because I love him and he loves me, but because he truly wants to get better. There are no more lies between us, and he does not minimise his past behaviour.
If this is the first time he is saying he will get help then I don't believe he means it. My husband said it tons of times, but it's only recently that he's actually been serious about it. And both he and I know that if things didn't continue on the right track, I would not be afraid to end it and be on my own. As much as I love him, if it came down to it my happiness and mental health comes first. I don't minimise his behaviour or make excuses for him. I'm not sure your relationship will work if you don't have the confidence to do the same, you'll just end up in a very unhealthy, unhappy, co-dependent relationship.

Powerful post, Alphabook.

OP, please read this and consider why and how he has endeared himself to your family.

www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

This meeting the family/friends thing is the only issue we have.

It's really not though is it. You've said he had temper issues and sociopathic tendencies!

Christ, I'm exhausted just reading about this. Don't you ever feel like having a bit of time off from it all? Even when you're not with him, you're posting on here into the small hours. No wonder it's making you ill.

Good luck today. I really hope it actually happens...

Fingers crossed for midday, Miss! Hope you the meeting goes well.

It's really not supposed to be this difficult.

Seriously.

A good relationship is easy.

No game playing. No mind reading. Certainly no couples therapy needed.

This is all far too complicated and difficult. He is not the right man for you! Move on!

How did your meeting with his parents go?