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Original poster

Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

271 replies

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 01:39

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Wuxiapian · 05/01/2014 09:11

He obviously has much bigger issues to deal with.

I think you should part company until he has done. You deserve better, Miss.

Lizzabadger · 05/01/2014 09:30

LTB

(And couples therapy with a boyfriend of a year? Absolutely no point. Just end it.)

fifi669 · 05/01/2014 09:42

In all honesty I think there's a lot of overreaction here. Double lives etc really? That has to be the exception not the norm!

I didn't meet DPs family until 18 months in. I thought it was a bit weird but then nothing had come about organically. I was living at my mum's with DS and he met and got on with all of my family. A year on from us getting together, I got my own place and he stayed over frequently whilst still living at his parents. It was only when there was a formal occasion I was invited to that I met everyone, all at once! (Dad's 60th).

Over a year has passed since then, I went to his sisters wedding but apart from that I haven't seen his dad or sister, briefly seen his mum and spoke a bit to his brother. We know that'll change soon as we're expecting a child, so just enjoying the peace and quiet now :)

When it comes to friends, we knew each other for years so I vaguely knew his friends. I did make a thing about not being invited out with them and so went along one night. Bored the crap out of me. I think girls have the whole couple going out thing in their head, blokes would rather chat football etc.

JeanSeberg · 05/01/2014 09:44

This gets worse the more you post. You started off by saying everything was perfect apart from the meeting parents/friends issue.

Now you tell us he's a sociopath with a bad temper. You've had two big rows in as many days. And were they in the middle of the night, going off the times you posted?

You need to get rid and work on yourself, the therapy (for you) sounds like a good idea.

purplebaubles · 05/01/2014 09:45

Oh my goodness...he has a temper and sociopathic tendancies??

And you think he's a catch??

Seriously??? Oh dear.

Get out now.

bisjo · 05/01/2014 10:27

Why would you want to trick him into attending therapy (your suggestion of I'll say something along the lines of I want to go and will he come hold my hand... then get him involved.)?

If you really want to have therapy then you have to be open and honest with him rather than pretending it is for you alone.

The one good thing you have done in all of this is not to integrate him into your child's life. That makes it easier for you to walk away. I can see absolutely no reason why you would want to continue dating this man.

The only reason I could see for having couples therapy (where you both agree to this) is if you are in a long term relationship, married or have children together. In your case you have been dating a year and really aren't involved at all in each other's lives. Although you may not think so at the moment the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away.

AllOverIt · 05/01/2014 14:06

If he is a sociopath, or is towards that end of the scale, he can't 'sort it out' with a bit of therapy.

That's who he is...

olathelawyer05 · 05/01/2014 14:42

"...I'll say something along the lines of I want to go and will he come hold my hand... then get him involved. Therapy of any sort would be good for him as he has issues of his own he needs to work through..."

WTF? You plan to trick him into therapy because YOU think he needs it?... Whatever issues he may or may not have, that is a hugely manipulative and controlling thing for you to do to another adult. Honestly, I think you might be so desperate for this relationship to work that it's warping your judgement.

You need to learn to take people as you find them. If he doesn't want to introduce you to his family, deal with it. Either accept it and carry on, or you say you aren't happy with the situation and part ways. Be careful of trying to 'fix' people when they haven't invited you to do so.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/01/2014 15:09

Couples therapy with a sociopath ?

Are you crazy ?

JeanSeberg · 05/01/2014 19:21

If I remember correctly, the OP's last partner was EA so it's understandable if her twat radar is a little off.

OP - I hope you can move on from this guy with some support in RL ( and here of course ).

Rollingriver · 05/01/2014 20:14

Ask him the truth and if he makes excuses Bin him he is pulling your strings emotional ones and it is not fair on you , sorry I have so been there with a bloke turned out he was two timing me , so that is why he kept me hidden from friends and family , good luck , but please be true to your self andlisten to your gut instincts .

JeanSeberg · 05/01/2014 20:18

To be honest, this thread stopped being about the meeting parents/friends a long time ago.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 20:31

I'm so lost. Sad

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 05/01/2014 20:34

I can understand that.

How about you wait and see what tomorrow brings and take it from there? You probably won't agree, but I hope the meeting doesn't go ahead so you can see he's really not worth all this.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 20:37

You're right. You're all right.
What a mess I am.

OP posts:
Ragusa · 05/01/2014 20:43

Oh mate, you're not. You don't need this person. There will be a nice, uncomplicated man out there for you somewhere.

D'you know why his last relationship ended? I am wondering if there was DV involved, with the mention of sociopathy and 'a temper', and the hiding you from friends and family.

I had some awful partners in the past who I thought at the time were the best and only. They were disasters and had I not left them I wouldn't have met my sane, normal husband.

Ragusa · 05/01/2014 20:44

Oh mate, you're not. You don't need this person. There will be a nice, uncomplicated man out there for you somewhere.

D'you know why his last relationship ended? I am wondering if there was DV involved, with the mention of sociopathy and 'a temper', and the hiding you from friends and family.

I had some awful partners in the past who I thought at the time were the best and only. They were disasters and had I not left them I wouldn't have met my sane, normal husband.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 20:52

Him and his ex split up because she couldn't cope with his anxiety.
He's never been violent, or even hinted towards it. He only gets angry over this particular situation and work stuff.

He's normally so wonderful. I don't understand why he makes it so difficult.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 05/01/2014 20:53

How did the sociopathy and temper thing come up?

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 20:58

He mentioned it aaaages ago when I told him about my mental health problems.
But yesterday he said he wanted to get those issues sorted.

I can't just walk away if he's willing to sort himself out. It'd be horrible of me to do that when he's stuck by me with my PMDD.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 05/01/2014 21:04

Have you ever seen any evidence of his temper in the last year?

How long were you single after your last relationship?

Ragusa · 05/01/2014 21:08

Trouble is, sociopathy is not something that can be fixed :( If he really did mean sociopathy and not social anxiety or Phobia and there is evidence he is actually a sociopath, you need to walk away. Honestly.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 05/01/2014 21:10

JeanSeberg only once when we were fighting about this subject. He was verbelly abusive.. HOWEVER, we all say things when we're angry. So I forgave him for that.

I was single a few of years... 3/4 maybe? After my last r/ship.

I think it's more a personality disorder that he has. Which are horribly difficult to treat, but not impossible.

OP posts:
Ragusa · 05/01/2014 21:13

Please don't try to fix him :( :( Personality disorders are awful awful awful. A friend has had his life ruined by his wife who has one of these: treatment compliance was a big issue.

Ragusa · 05/01/2014 21:13

Please don't try to fix him :( :( Personality disorders are awful awful awful. A friend has had his life ruined by his wife who has one of these: treatment compliance was a big issue.