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Original poster

Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

271 replies

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 01:39

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 00:23

Okay. Sad

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Ragusa · 02/01/2014 00:27

Really, honestly, please listen to the people who're telling you something's very wrong here. My money is on another woman. Sorry Sad. If it was just family you'd not met, that's one thing, but friends too.... well, that's just odd.

The excuses he comes up with sound very much like ones one of my exes peddled out. Guess what? I never met his family either. I met one old friend, to whom he didn't introduce me as his partner? Guess what? The divorce he claimed to have had hadn;t actually happened and he was living weekends with his wife.

It mightn't be that but your partner is being evasive and blaming you for being 'paranoid'. Really, that's all you need to know.

Another possibility is that something he's told you about himself (job, background, previous relationships etc etc etc) is a fabrication and introducing you to people who've known him longer would expose him. I've also been out with one of these Shock. He invented an education and childhood which were complete fabrication. I don't know why I attract them!

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 00:29

VelvetSpoon, I should probably have elaborated on that, I'm not one for getting just "anyone" involved with my son... Lord knows his dad's brought enough girls into his life.
Also, due to severe post-natal issues my son went to live with his dad as a baby (can't say anymore... due to the chance of being identified).

I know I'll get backlash for that but, it'd be extremely selfish of me to take him back from where he is healthy and happy, and settled.
Anyway, that's not the issue.

I have only ALLOWED him to meet my son twice, it's not my BFs choice.

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Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 00:31

The relevence of me telling you that my son lives with his dad doesn't quite come out there... it just means that the times when I've HAD my son staying with me are times I've chosen to spend away from my BF, choosing 1 on 1 time with each of them on separate days of the week. Hence why they have only met twice.

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BillyBanter · 02/01/2014 00:31

You have to insist on meeting his parents and being introduced as his girlfriend. Maybe one month deadline.

tallwivglasses · 02/01/2014 00:32

Have you googled his name or checked the electoral register? I'm assuming he's told you he's not on Facebook. ..

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 00:33

He's on Facebook, we are "in a relationship" on there. He has his friends and cousins and brother on there too.

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UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 02/01/2014 00:41

But it's such a terrible thing to have to push someone on, I could not get over that.

Ragusa · 02/01/2014 00:41

Ok, he's on facebook and linked to friends/ cousins etc. My money therefore now less on the other woman theory but the other idea about him having something about himself he is not keen to reveal might still be relevant.

PS tallwivglasses that makes me laugh, as my double life STBXPs told me he wasn't on facebook, oh no, far too modern for him. Which turned out to be bolleaux ;)

Kitttty · 02/01/2014 00:47

Does he talk to you about his friends and family? Does he share details of their day to day life. Do you feel like you know their characters?

Ragusa · 02/01/2014 00:49

Both my liar exes gave me chapter and verse about their family and friends. Hell, I felt like I knew them inside out even though I'd never met 'em!

RockinAroundTheXmasTreeHippy · 02/01/2014 01:33

My sociopath ex did similar, though I think he genuinely had no friends - in his case it turned out to be not what he worried about his family thinking of me.

But what they might slip up & tell me about HIM -

ie the history I knew was a very abridged version of the truth, lots of outright lies about his health & family history too - including the fact he had been married more times that I knew about & was STILL married & that he had a daughter I knew nothing about for over a year too, his scars were not as interesting & he had even changed his name by deed poll to fit his fantasised history & probably avoid IR & CSA too - the list goes on

IME both with myself & friends, there is never a good reason for this level of deviousness & I think you know that already.

You are much bigger & better than this man, get the f* out of there & regain some self respect

AttackOfTheKillerMonsterSnowGo · 02/01/2014 08:16

Very easy to have a Fb account that you only put certain people in the know a put the situation on. The situation I told you about before, my friend didn't meet her ex's parents for a year, he too used the 'I'll sort it, I promise' line for 6 months til she gave him an ultimatum. Then, even when she did meet his parents they colluded inthe lie. I'd be for the 'turning up unexpected' route personally. This guy is peddaling you bullshit of one form or another.

JeanSeberg · 02/01/2014 09:38

I couldn't forgive him for the hormonal comments, never mind anything else.

horsetowater · 02/01/2014 15:21

Can I just say what a remarkable person you are to have given your ex your blessing to look after your son. That must have taken a lot of strength.

Regarding this new partner, I think you need to go round there, just turn up one day when he's not expecting it. You have a right to knock on someone's door.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 02/01/2014 15:58

My guess is:

  1. He's lied about himself and meeting friends/family would out him. Could be a big lie or just an embarrassing one.
  1. He's lied about you and a meeting would out him again.
  1. He's a thoughtless, immature idiot who will string you along for as long as you can stand it.

Just walk away with your dignity intact. No ultimatums or deadlines. If he comes after you and offers a sincere apology and a change in behaviour you can decide what to do then.

Joysmum · 02/01/2014 16:00

It's a bit weird. I couldn't wait to show my boyfriend off.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 19:05

I think I'm just going to give up. I'm not strong enough to do anything else.
If he bothers, then he bothers.
I'm not going to contact him any more. I'm just too unhappy.

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JeanSeberg · 02/01/2014 19:08

I think that's a wise decision and I'm sure you've not reached it lightly.

Keep yourself busy over the next few days and be kind to yourself. Post on here whenever you need support.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 19:12

Thankyou. It's going to be so hard. Sad

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JeanSeberg · 02/01/2014 19:17

I know. It's like breaking any habit, giving up smoking or drink or anything else.

Perhaps put your phone away tonight so you won't be checking it every 2 minutes. When are you supposed to be seeing him next?

doasyouwouldbedoneby · 02/01/2014 19:18

I think he is stringing you along but l am not sure why. His FB status says he is in a relationship but does it say who with??
All this secrecy isn't good and not meeting family and friends after a year is just not normal.
you do honestly deserve to be treated better than that OP.

Kitttty · 02/01/2014 19:19

What will you do when he contacts you? Will he not just turn up for his usual 3-4 days living/working at yours?

Who has he spent most time with among your friends and family? What do they think of him?

Do you have any niggles about his situation? Is there anything else that just doesn't add up about him or info he has given you?

JeanSeberg · 02/01/2014 19:23

I think you need to be prepared that you'll never get an answer as such.

Original poster
MissBurrows · 02/01/2014 19:54

doasyouwouldbedoneby his Facebook says he is in a relationship with me, our profiles are linked. x

He will contact me later when he's drunk (he's gone to his friends). He will likely call me and I just wont answer. I need some time to think.

My friends and family all really like him. He is friendly and considerate, which is why this situation is so bizarre. There is no evidence that he has a double life, it would impossible for him to do so.

He says he is serious about me, and, to his credit, he sat by my bedside whilst I was in a coma, and looked after me for 2 months afterwards, allowing me to lvie with him rent free whilst he waited on me hand and foot.

I just don't understand.

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