Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

[MissBurrows]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

Sorry if I've missed this OP, but have you asked him for a clear explanation of why he won't allow it? Why does he think wanting to meet his friends is unreasonable?

Not getting around to it is one thing and still weird after a year but actively refusing to is another matter.

That alone would be grounds to dump him in my book. Blaming a medical condition as being abnormal to meet friends/family?

Completely not unreasonable to expect to. Meet friends and family unless you have both agreed not to; it is a normal part of any longer term relationship.

Him using an illness against you like that is a huge red flag. Sorry, but it sounds like he has you in the 'not very serious' box and is being quite controlling about it. I wouldn't even bother with an ultimatum, just walk away.

I would be suspicious.My dh doesn't have a close relationship with his family but I still met them in under a year and they were not local.

You say you love him yet you my concern is that ypu don't really know him as there is some reason for not introducing his parents and you don't know why..when you find out you will learn something about him.
The relationship he has with his parents will shape who he is and without seeing that you are struggling to see the whole person.I would be very cautious, the fact that you argue over this and its never resolved is a red flag.

He just says (irt friends) he hasnt the money to go out and meet them (yet meets them frequently on his own.. I'm not a nag though, I don't mind him going out with the boys).
And with his parents... well, I don't think he's ever given me a reason, he just says "I'll sort something" but never does.

He's got you well-trained so that you're doubting yourself. What would you say to a friend telling you ths tale?

It's your hormones? I'm amazed he has the gall to say that

As Jean said, imagine it's a friend in your position. What would you say?

Oh MissBurrows, please just LTB. He's fobbing you off with excuses. I'd almost respect him more if he was honest and just said that you're not an important part of his life and won't be around for long so there's no point meeting them.

That's just weird, forget what I said before.

I wonder if he's actually married or something.

Oh God my heart hurts.

I'm sorry OP, but better to make him buck up or leave now then be dicked around for any longer.

I guess I should talk to him later then. No idea where or how to begin.

Just speak to him like you've spoken to us - it's been one year today and you're very hurt that you haven't met any friends or family. It's not normal. (It is inconceivable that at some point over the last year there hasn't been a friendly social event he could have brought you to). This is not the type of relationship you want. He either has to introduce you to his friends and/or family and make your relationship public, or you are going to have no choice but to end it.

What did he do to mark your anniversary?

Um, nothing JeanSeberg, we're not really big gesture kinds of people. we've arranged to go away for a couple of days next pay day.
We just spent the night/day together even though he was under pressure to go to his parents for his brothers birthday (which he didn't taken me to, like ALittleStranger said... a social occasion when his parents and brother were there. He could've done... )

I don't think there's much further we can do to advise you then is there?

This was like a very good friend of mine a couple of years ago. They went on holiday together and when they got back there was a message on her phone from his other gf....whom he lived with and had a child with...he had told the live in gf that he had to work away several days a week....which is when he stayed with my friend. His parents lied and hid the live in gf (whom they disliked) pictures when my friend visited their house. Honestly, you couldn't make this shit up.

Smells of fish to me Op, sorry.

I really don't think it's that sinister though but the reason is irrelevant now.

Thanks everyone. I guess I'd better talk to him later and see what's going on.

Be prepared to have it blamed on your hormones again then.

Sorry but what do you think will be different about the next conversation on this topic?

Why don't you just drop by?....Knock at the door of his parents when you know they are all in...either with flowers to say Hi - or asking a question/dropping something off. Do you never had to drop him home or pick him up?

Also if you know where he drinks with his mates - drop by with yours.

What do you think would happen if you did this? Do you think he would be relieved that you had broken the ice/ceased initative - or would he be furious for you "intruding£ on his compartmentalised life?

What about work colleagues - have you met any of these?

Is he socially shy? Whats his relationship history?

I th

I think we all know what will be the answer to the surprise knock on the door but at least it will force his hand.

They live to far away to drop by. I'm also too shy to invite myself anywhere!

He works alone, running his own business... either from my house or his own.

It would be odd if I happened to bump into him on a night out as I don't go out all that much (I have a chronic pain condition).

He is quite shy yes... he has had three previous LTRs, and before that I don't know.

JeanSeberg I think nothing will be different, but it will give me a reason to just tell him to fuck off.

Sorry for the bad language. Just upset. I do love him, a lot. He's the best thing (after my son) that's happened to me.