why do they do this to us? if we are so fabulous, and shouldn't let ourselves be treated this way, then why do they do this and why don't they want us? properly?
Because you let them. The phrase 'first time shame on them, second time shame on you' has never seemed more appropriate.
I once met a guy like this, we had dated for a while, then stopped, then a year or two later, up he pops, it was all the big reunion, words, flowers, the whole thing, then radio silence for 10 days. When he popped up again, with some crappy excuse message, I remembered what a twat he was first time around and just didn't' text back EVER. I never dated people who let me down/gave mixed messages/couldn't decide what they wanted, why waste your time?
I can't believe all these women not only putting up with being treated badly (which it really is if these people know you'd like a relationship but are choosing to dangle you on a fwb thread) but also seeking it out by actively texting these idiots 'to see if they want to pop by'. No wonder they don't feel obliged to treat you nicely, they don't have to and you still return for more!
I have a friend who wasted years with a guy like this. By the time she came to her senses, she was late-thirties and didn't meet the lovely man she's now with til well into her forties, too late for babies for a start. I wonder if she thinks back to that time and sees it as wasted- it for sure was spent on a waster (who was good-looking of course, and liked to have a back-up plan but no intention of ever dating her).
But it's not about settling down anyway, why not either be single or find a good guy who thinks enough of you to have a proper relationship?
These fwb mess-ups are really painful to witness from the outside, sorry!