Come and tell me to not contact this chap.

[UterusUterusGhali]

I know you'll be firm with me and make me see sense. :-D

I've been casually seeing someone for a few months. FB type thing. Predictably I've fallen for him. He's been clear from the start it was never going to be serious.

So I need to stop contact, right?

But he's a really good friend too. I love having him in my life.
But I'll be heartbroken when he finds someone he really likes. (We're both still dating half heartedly)

Kick me up the arse, please!

NO!

Please stop trying to persuade yourself that this will ever change. They crave the attention and they know the best way to get it is to alternate silence with lovebombing.

The trouble is, I think you've all gone 'no contact' in the past and they know you secretly don't mean it. So you can't even just ask them not to contact you any more.

I honestly would get one of the apps that block SMSes like this and then I think you need to support each other through going cold turkey. I would be very surprised if any of these guys are still persisting after an entire week of no contact, as the only purpose is to get a reaction.

My suggested action plan for you would then also include you all taking up one new activity to make sure you don't regress whilst bored. One of you mentioned crochet above - we actually have a very active knitting and crochet community on MN so that doesn't need to be a joke :)

You can do this - honestly, you are wasting hours of your lives on this angst. It doesn't make you feel good, it doesn't help you find your Jack Black and it's feeding the egos of some worthless individuals, none of whom would hesitate to dump you completely if someone they liked more came along.

Take back the power in 2014!

I wrote a reply to this earlier but it doesn't seem to have registered.
Anyway, in a nutshell, my guy seemed confident but behind that facade he had very low self esteem - my counsellor suggested he may be a narcissist so I looked into it.....

I read everything I could about narcissism and it was my guy to a T!!!
Strangely by realising his treatment of me wasn't 'personal' it made it easier to go NC.

They don't ever change, we just need to be strong and ignore the constant texts.

And tribpot is spot on.

tribpot I know you're right - I absolutely do. I have had every conversation with myself about how I am wasting my time, he doesn't care about me despite what he might say, he would drop me in an instant if he got a better offer (and frequently does).

Logically I know all this and if I was reading this thread I would be screaming at all the posters to walk away from these idiots.

But there is still a tiny part of me that craves the attention and thinks that the little I get is better than the nothing I will have.

and the little part of you (and me) that think he may change??

How about you delete their numbers if you are serious about getting these idiots out of your lives and some self esteem back in?

You daft women sound like a bunch of lovelorn teenagers, not grown ups

I hope you don't have any daughters learning this kind of manpleasing behaviour from you. One kind word from Mr Ego and you are wetting your knickers.

Make 2013 the last time you swap self respect for an empty compliment. Please ?

< meant kindly >

Ha ha you are right there merry fucker! Guilty as charged my Christmas gift of teaspoons and 'nibble bowls' has really strengthened my resolve to close the door

From him. .twat

Uterus

I would suggest you dump and delete this person asap because these emotional vampires just drain you dry. Its all a game to them and you need to stop playing their games.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up, that needs your serious consideration.

Such men like this person like women with innate low self esteem and self worth because it helps build their own selfish egos up by further wreaking yours.

I would also suggest you read Women who love too Much written by Robin Norwood.

You are all right obviously. Never mind losing weight orfgetting fit - my New Year Resolution needs to be getting rid of this guy. And finding other things to occupy myself so I don't cave.

Recently I made the diabolical mistake of going back on NC. At least it's not back to square one, I know now that he'd merrily cheat, something I only hitherto suspected. He's a schmuck. Not a friend. The one thing in The Holiday that does ring true is the sheer joy Kate Winslet's character feels when she finally sees that she can shut the door forever and feel nothing but exhilaration and self respect.

I really need to watch that film!

Disengage.

Gosh I have one of these too. I was happy with it at first because I had separated from my ex and new chap was actually a blast from the past, so seemed like a safe way to start dating. We get on very well.

Over time the balance of power has shifted a bit because I have feelings that go beyond friendship. He doesn't. I need to break away in 2014 but I will miss him a lot. The sex is terrific too. Hey ho!

Plumber; no he's not a plumber.

Merry, you're exactly right! That's how I feel and I hate it! I hate that he has me acting this way! And no I'd never show my daughter this behavior!

Odd thing happened. So yesterday he sent me a selfie with booze. He was at home. He said he was with his family in another part of the country. What has happened I guess is that his ex, who he is essentially a carer for, had a problem and he drove back in the storm to be with her!

I am well rid....

But I can't help be a bit, well, worried for him shouldering the responsibility of her health 18m after they split. I'm pretty certain they have split.

God I hate that I care and I'm actually feeling angry about it!

How many more women is he going to do this to?

:( Uterus. Wish I could give you a hug.

I am feeling ok today as v busy. Had lots of comms with M again; finishing with "love you"!

Load of old baloney.

I can't help be a bit, well, worried for him shouldering the responsibility of her health 18m after they split.

Why? It's his choice. If he needs support he can ask his friends, it doesn't have to be you propping him up.

Maybe he lied to you about going away - or maybe he did come back. It doesn't matter. You can't be his friend whilst you go cold turkey.

Plumbing, can you not see how pathetically manipulative that is?

Please delete their numbers! This is so bad for you and you all sound like lovely people. What would you say to your daughters if they were being treated like this? Please delete the numbers. You are worth so much more.

Ok I've deleted & blocked.

Had a big cry.

He sent a message saying "let's make a deal not to care about each other any more".

So that's it!

Feel so fucking lonely.
STBEXH is loved up with ow. Kids are away. I'm skint. Off to work in a mo. Will help to be busy.

what a fucking twat! You do see and realise even that comment is manipulative, don't you?

These men are turning my stomach. I hope you women wise up very soon.

You are going to feel very fucking annoyed with yourself when you look back and see how much bullshit you lapped up

I had two' I love you ' verbal and in a text. Fair en