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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

617 replies

disappointedandsad · 20/12/2013 11:11

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 22/12/2013 00:25

Nhs has limited resources,GP can refer, it's assessed on need as opposed to should have

ALittleStranger · 22/12/2013 00:26

Or he could go back to an old messages and retrieve the number that you presumably gave him at some point.

My BF broke his phone after an early and lost my number. He found a way to get it back.

Honestly, I get so frustrated with "what if" posters on threads like this. I think we need a kind of dating Occam's razor. Somewhere out there there may be a man who was scared of rejection after sex and incapable of contact because unicorns ate his sim card, but he's not energetic enough to be dating everyone who posts on MN.

Bant · 22/12/2013 00:28

Unicorns only eat SIM cards from Virgin mobile phones, stranger

Original poster
disappointedandsad · 22/12/2013 00:28

We met via OD, however I deleted my profile way back in the summer; at the time there were a couple of guys I was chatting to that I wanted to keep messaging, so exchanged mobile no's with, he was one of them (other one petered out shortly after, this one I stayed in touch with). So no, he couldn't contact me via the site.

OP posts:
ALittleStranger · 22/12/2013 00:31

Well from henceforth all posters must LTB if he's on that network Bant.

melanie58 · 22/12/2013 00:37

OP, he may be avoiding you but there is a possibility that he can't get hold of you so why not try contacting him one last time? You have nothing to lose. I was in the 'leave it, keep your dignity' group until last night I dropped my phone in the loo and it's buggered...

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/12/2013 00:39

I'm being selfish. The reason I said "nothing registers" is that I think all my advice to you has been brilliant, and yet you're still unhappy. I don't get it! :) Sorry I irritated you.

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/12/2013 00:41

If he had also deleted his online profile, would that delete all the emails you'd exchanged? So if he re-started his subscription, they'd all be lost? So he couldn't get your mobile number again..?

poorturkeys · 22/12/2013 01:06

Being a man I have no business reading a forum for women but am tempted to look once in a while. I do remember I noticed a very interesting thread a while ago. It was a tiny bit like this one in some ways.
A lady from NY was terribly upset because she'd had a relationship with a man of about 50 for almost a year. She said she'd often met losers in the past but this man was quite different and highly intellectual and so on. But he'd suddenly gone cold and wasn't contacting her any more. Not like him at all. Days and days were passing but still nothing. She claimed he was such a nice man, so kind to her, she just couldn't believe he'd do this.
However, another woman, an old friend, had appeared on the scene and the OP knew he had always liked her in the past. She was desperate to get him back at first because she felt he was 'the one' for her and wanted them to eventually get married but was finally forced to give up. But she was very, very hurt in the end. She was advised many times that it was hopeless before she finally had to agree. But you could feel her pain at having been dumped.

Hogwash · 22/12/2013 01:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

olathelawyer05 · 22/12/2013 01:14

poorturkeys

You don't need to apologise for being a man, ever.

poorturkeys · 22/12/2013 01:38

Maybe someone should just apologise for men? Who is usually guilty of most of the vandalism, random attacks and acts of aggression, causing an affray, fighting in the street, using a knife, indecent exposure, robbery, burglary, swindling, hacking accounts and mobiles, spreading viruses on the net, hitting and abusing partners, rape, abducting children, molesting and even killing them, having sex with babies, arson, manslaughter, murder, dismembering bodies and hiding and/or destroying the parts....? (a random list).

poorturkeys · 22/12/2013 01:45

Hogwash - I'm going. Honestly! Hogmanay, 2013..... That'll be it!!! A new new new leaf for a brand New Year... and all that. Maybe you'll miss me? (He said hopefully)

differentnameforthis · 22/12/2013 01:46

God this thread has turned vile. Telling op nothing registers, interrogating her about counselling, telling her to get some more etc etc.

'Forgetting' her parents died when she was younger & telling her to call them.

Vile.

differentnameforthis · 22/12/2013 01:47

I estimate the OP went on about 8 dates with this guy.

And your point is?

lollerskates · 22/12/2013 01:53

poorturkeys you're nit wrong with your list there but it's not because men are inherently bad. It's because gender is a heirarchical system and men are assigned the top slot and are actively encouraged to despise and mistreat women, who are assigned to a lower position.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2013 01:57

Your not expected to apologise for every male act brutality/inequality poorturkey
I won't apologise for female brutality,ghastly acts perpetrated by dome women
You see I won't generalise about women in such a way,not do I generalise about men

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 22/12/2013 02:17

OP why don't you focus on the kind and empathetic posts and reply to them only? Alot of people have been lovely but obviously the other ones stick out most strongly...

I see this thread as a microcosm of daily life... This is why you need to cut out the nastier friends, not just try and ignore them, as the effort you put into ignoring them is effort better spent on caring about yourself, and also the comments prickle through anyway.

Btw you keep saying you've no time / money for councelling, and I get that you don't want to prioritise it, but I wish you'd give it a chance to see if it can help you get the most out of you and heal from the past. I too an a single working mother who lives in London, and I am starting councelling after Christmas via my gp. Oh and I'm severely disabled. I just think you don't want to for whatever reason rather than cant?

kaumana · 22/12/2013 02:21

Oh good grief, if you hear hear hoof beats think horses not zebras ie stick to the obvious.

ImpOfDarkness · 22/12/2013 05:23

Horses or zebras is context-dependent. If you're in the Serengeti, think zebras.
OP, it is not completely beyond the realms of possibility that he's had his phone nicked, or that he's in hospital without it, or with a flat battery and no charger. Give the man a call.

varigatedivy · 22/12/2013 09:01

If hi s phone has been stolen he won't get the call. Don't you realise this?

It may ring and go through to the phone provider's standard voicemail.

This is what also happens when you send texts or phone numbers where people have ended that phone contract.

OP- try ringing but if his phone has been stolen then you are going to be faced with writing to him or contacting him at his place of work.

FWIW I always keep important nos. elsewhere too- paper and pen, address book kind of back up. I'd hate to rely on a phone as the only means of records.

MasterP0 · 22/12/2013 09:14

......You see I won't generalise about women in such a way....

HA! And your hysterical melt down/rant earlier was what exactly?????? Some people, Shaking My Damn Head

Bakedpies · 22/12/2013 09:31

OP, i really like what doublelife has said, that this thread is like real life.
Some people are lovely to you, but that is overshadowed by the digs, the attacking, the dragging you down. The effort that is put in to ignore it, takes away from what the effort of nice things, and the barbs still poke through anyway.

I think its something of a ' woman syndrome' to be so people pleasing and to care so much what others think. Society seems to cultivate that, but its rarely good for womens self worth ( as evidenced by maybe 75%of this whole talk board)

When you are very much on your own, with no partner or family, the barbs arent being even slightly dulled by niceness, so they become more powerful.

The only thing to do is to cut them out. If someone is nasty, dont have anything more to do with them, dont put effort into people who are not putting effort into you. You will lose friends, but the ones you will have left/ or will gain will do more for you than any of these hangers on.

Counselling might be right for you, or it might not. I dont believe its the be all and end all and can very much depend on the skill of who you are seeing, but you can make some decisions for you, what you want out of life, and implement them. The small changes ( and they dont all need to be done at once) will add up and i should think this time next year you could be in a very different emotional place.

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/12/2013 09:38

Why was "forgetting" in quote marks then, differentnameforthis? Are you actually accusing me of deliberately telling a poster to call her deceased parents? Are you SERIOUSLY saying that? That's a quite incredible accusation you're making, so I'd like to be sure I'm not getting it wrong?

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/12/2013 09:44

It couldn't possibly be that this thread has over 400 posts and someone reading quickly might have, oh I don't know, missed one?

Swipe left for the next trending thread