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Original poster

fear I've been dumped by silence YET again

617 replies

disappointedandsad · 20/12/2013 11:11

Have been dating someone for a couple of months. All seemed to be going brilliantly well (I thought). He is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and generally lovely - or seemed to be. Heard from him last Friday when he said we'd sort out our next date after the end of term. I said that was fine, as was finishing work then for Xmas too, so was fairly free. And nothing since, I text him on Weds but no reply.

I have a horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from him again. This will be about the 6th time I've been dumped silently :(

I really thought he wasn't the type though - his general behaviour is quite gentlemanly, he's not an immature idiot. Plus, a few weeks ago we were watching tv and a famous(ish) singer came on, he said 'that bloke's a complete arse' I asked why and he said that one of his uni friends had dated him, and he had silently dumped her - and what a completely shitty thing that was to do to someone. Which I agreed with.

And now it looks like he's done it to me! Oh, the irony...

OP posts:
varigatedivy · 21/12/2013 22:49

It's unlikely you will find weekend counselling anywhere. But you could look.

Are you never able to go out in the evening- babysitters etc?

Original poster
disappointedandsad · 21/12/2013 22:52

Utterly, I was in a violent and EA relationship for a number of years. However I was able (eventually) to get myself out of it without help or support, and did have a normal, non-abusive, relationship after it. Unfortunately that ended almost 6 years ago, since when I have been single.

OP posts:
Original poster
disappointedandsad · 21/12/2013 22:59

The problem with evenings is I am not normally home from work until 7-7.30pm, have to prepare dinner, spend some time with my DC etc. I suppose in theory I could attend from say 8.30-9.30, assuming a counsellor worked that late and it was within half an hours travel from home. Or possibly on the way home, though that would make for a long (but not impossible) day.

OP posts:
MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 21/12/2013 23:04

I've seen various counsellors over the years. Wouldn't say they're the be-all-and-end-all. The best tonic I have found has been THIS.

34DD · 21/12/2013 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pepperandhotmilk · 21/12/2013 23:09

OP..it is very simple. Pick up the phone, and call him.

Pepperandhotmilk · 21/12/2013 23:12

He won't answer, by the way. But nothing anyone says seems to register with you, so you will probably have to find out the hard way.

This man has moved on, and left you behind. But call him, and see for yourself.

Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 21/12/2013 23:22

Op, you sound lovely and polite and everything a decent man should have crawled over hot coals for. I really hope, for your sake that this is not him being a git. You don't deserve it and have every right to feel wronged.

AnuvvaMuvva · 21/12/2013 23:23

Nothing does register, does it? I've noticed that.

AnuvvaMuvva · 21/12/2013 23:27

385 messages about an unreturned text, in a relationship where they must have seen each other - what, 12 times maximum? If it was once a week for 3 months. Although it wasn't that often - it was sometimes once every 10 days or even 14. And it hadn't quite been 3 months.

I estimate the OP went on about 8 dates with this guy.

MasterP0 · 21/12/2013 23:35

I think it's unfair to be saying it's not registering with OP, she's DWELLING, let her dwell all she wants, until such time she's ready to make contact or not and if we don't necesserilly agree with how she's handling this whole situation then we have the option to change "channels/stop watching"!

We are ALL different!

Original poster
disappointedandsad · 21/12/2013 23:42

How patronising to say 'nothing registers'

What exactly is it you're expecting me to say? I wonder what reaction you're expecting me to demonstrate - am I supposed to say oh actually none of it matters so please stop posting everyone?!

I've never made this out to be a long-term relationship, I don't think I've even referred to it as a relationship at all. I didn't consider him my boyfriend as such, but I did think that was what we were moving towards. I was upset by what happened, and posted. Quite a few people have said they would feel similarly, so I don't feel my reaction was ridiclously extreme.

OP posts:
wileycoyote · 21/12/2013 23:44

I would phone him, but only to point out how rude he is if it does transpire he has finished with you 'silently' - not to get him back. I'm all for pointing out to people that their behaviour is sub-standard and making them a bit uncomfortable if they are cowards!!

scottishmummy · 21/12/2013 23:46

Max 9-10dates,Only have mobile phone nos,op thinks he can't spell her surname?
It wasn't deep enduring bond was it

wileycoyote · 21/12/2013 23:50

yes, but human decency should come into it and is worth pointing out to him.

patienceisvirtuous · 21/12/2013 23:55

OP please ignore mean posts which minimise your feelings and imply you're making a fuss over nothing. Your feelings are just as valid now as if you'd been in a ten year relationship - it's just a different situation. You haven't tried to make something out of nothing.

Some of the 'advice' smacks of zero empathy from people who've not been in your shoes. Those of us who have know that what's happened to you is crappy. Dwell all you want until you feel ready not to. Ring him or don't ring him

You seem perfectly normal and sensible so please don't take any criticism to heart.

Maryz · 21/12/2013 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
disappointedandsad · 21/12/2013 23:56

The fact we only have mobile no's is fairly standard I think - most people I know don't have landlines, I have a few friends email addresses (mainly current or ex work colleagues).

Before I met this guy for the first time he told me his full name, address and place of work, in case I wanted to google him for safety's sake etc. He didn't need my address yet as he wasn't in a position to visit me.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 22/12/2013 00:00

Fair enough,I'd make now make plans on basis he won't call
You've got time off I hope your leave is relaxing
Put it down as an experience

Utterly · 22/12/2013 00:13

Disappointed so sorry, missed that. Then I think counselling would be really helpful if you can find it free/nearly free.

Bant · 22/12/2013 00:18

Sorry OP - how did you meet this guy? I couldn't see it up thread. I presume it wasn't through online dating if you don't have an email address for him. Is there a mutual friend you could check with?

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/12/2013 00:19

How did you meet? If you met online, couldn't he send you a message through the site..?

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/12/2013 00:19

Oops xpost

Tobermory · 22/12/2013 00:23

Exactly what patienceisvirtous said.

Some people on here being pretty uncharitable. IMO you have every right to feel upset about his lack of contact. You met someone, had a number of dates, it appeared that it was going somewhere- of course you'd be put out that he appears to be behaving badly.

Hogwash · 22/12/2013 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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