My partner has posted videos of me on a porn website

[cannotfuckingbelievethis]

I have namechanged as I'm mortified to think that this has happened.

Together 18yrs, 2 young DCS aged 5 and 3. Had the usual ups and downs you would expect during 18yrs together. Our sex life used to be pretty good, we experimented with different things and OH liked to take pictures of me which I wasn't into at first but then came round to the idea. As long as they were for his use only I didn't really have a problem but only let him take them when I felt like it. He was trying to spice things up over the last couple of months and recorded me a few times when we were having sex. I did not explicitly say "do not post these anywhere else" (because I shouldn't fucking have to I would have thought !) But I have mentioned in the past about how I would horrible it would be if a partner or an ex did this. So he knows my feelings on the subject.

When I found out last night I just asked him flat out why he did it. He said he liked the idea of people watching me and getting turned on. I said what about what I like and what I want ? He said he "thought" I would like it too. I told him I was fucking raging and wanted them off the site now and that he knew how I felt about it as I'd already said they were for him to watch and no one else.

I feel like such a fucking idiot. I know it was my decision to trust him but we're not talking about some teenager who is coerced into making a video. I've known him for a bloody lifetime. He doesn't seem to be seeing it as that big a deal and was kind of joking last night about "any chance of a blowjob then ?" I told him to fuck off.

Apart from all of the above which makes him sound like a complete prick he is a brilliant Dad and a good partner, though not the most affectionate. I could fucking kill him just now I'm so angry.

I'd say a total disregard for the rights, consent, dignity and privacy of the person in the videos constitutes malicious intent, MostWicked. And if not specifically malicious, then just downright cruel and disgusting.

And not caring if she was embarrassed or distressed is not the same as not thinking it would cause her those things. What he has done is so callous and repellent. I am getting really annoyed with people talking as though he has just done some daft, casual thing in a moment of thoughtless spontaneity, whereas he has been uploading videos of her for nearly a year, wothout her knowledge or consent. That is calculated activity, and, moreover, is is sustained disregard for her rights, dignity or privacy (not being able to see her face doesn't mean it's totally private; thousands of men have seen her naked body and genitals doing the most intimate acts).

Just because you agreed to the video being made doesn't mean you can't ask the police to take it down. You didn't agree for it to be shared.

Regardless of a possible criminal case, it could be a good reason to get an injunction. He clearly can't be trusted to respect the OP's privacy.

Glad you've got some RL support Op (love the X factor comment ). Stay strong & I agree with those saying to bide your time, make a plan & get legal advice. Good luck.

I've been quite upset today so I'm trying to tell myself to get a grip. My Mum (who is recovering from breast cancer) has just been taken into hospital again this afternoon. They think it's her kidneys. All I've wanted today was a hug, a big proper man hug and a kiss. I'll be glad to see the back of this year.

He's basically sulking like a teenager.

Reading all of this back you'd think it was Eastenders wouldn't you !

You do not need to get a grip!

I am sorry you are worried about your mum.

Have a big virtual hug. ((((()))))))

I hope your mum recovers quickly.

If it helps, some of us here have been through a few East Ender's like episodes.

Can you talk to friends and get the hugs from them about your mother?

I've read through your thread. I don't have much to add to others' responses, so I'll echo the view that this is a terrible betrayal of trust. I told DH about your situation and he was appalled for you. Despite the awfulness of the last couple if days, you have come across as a very considered, thoughtful person. As others have said, don't be afraid to let the rage through. A terrible, terrible wrong has been done to you.

I have been dwelling recently (for other reasons) on a really good line I heard in a film: "we accept the love we think we deserve." Sometimes a jolt can make us realise we deserve better. Just wanted to say that you definitely deserve better - don't be afraid to change your situation so that you can go looking for it.

Have another huge very unMN hug {{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}} shhhh!!

I hope it's nothing too serious with your DM and that she will be home soon.
Let him sulk.. he does not deserve a second of your thoughts or consideration--he certainly did not give you any thought when he posted the videos.

He just doesn't really get it does he!!

Well done for telling your Aunt, have you any family you can have a hug with?

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, and I hope things turn out ok. xxx

I'm also sorry to hear that your partner has not stepped up to mark in the circumstances. Worse, that he is sulking for something he did wrong. How dare he?

I've just had a look and one of the videos is still available to view ! What a fucking prick I have been with for the last 18yrs. I've tried to contact the website directly but it had one of those filter things where you have to click on a series of pictures (except in this case it's pictures of women with their legs wide open) to confirm that you are a "real" person in order to submit a request. Can't find a direct email address. Will keep on trying.

He's sleeping. I feel like putting a fucking pillow over his face.

On a plus note I have someone in the comments section called "Cammy" wanting to "pump me rotten"....Jesus wept...

I'm actually laughing at how ridiculous this is now.

Could you post
fuck off to the far side of fuck and fuck off some more?

It does seem appropriate.

Just kidding, leave it alone. :)

It's a tribute to you that you've kept a sense of humour through this.

Snoozing when your mum's in hospital & he's just ruined your life?

I'd wake him up & tell him about 'Cammy'. He must be so proud.

I know what you're driving at twinklestein, but I don't think the OP shows any sign of letting this careless, thoughtless man "ruin her life". As Eleanor Roosevelt said, other people can only hurt you with your permission. Sounds like Cannot is in the process withdrawing her permission for any further hurt. Good for you Cannot!

I would be finding it hard not to smack his stupid fat face but would use the time better and pack all his stuff.

It has just occurred to me. Who does housework?
I hope you are not doing his laundry and meals.

OP, are you married? - I thought you said you weren't - your name is on the deeds and mortgage isn't it??

If you can't cope with this through Christmas, could you go to your mums?

I know it isn't ideal for your children, but you mentioned earlier that they will notice an atmosphere. Would it be possible to tell them that as Granny is so ill, you're going to spend Christmas there and help to look after her?

Goodness, he's such a dick. Sorry Op & hope your mum is ok.

I am really sorry to hear about your mum being sick. I hope that it's nothing serious.

I notice you're not married and I just wanted to warn you (although you sound like you'd smell the 'hoop' from twenty paces, I don't know why you're not married,but my x fancied himself too much to get married I think, thought he could have a family with all of the benefits and none of the risk. he only finally started begging me to marry him as I was packing around him. Dollar short and a day too late, and thank goodness I never married him is all I can say now!

Talkative - No, I'm not married...yes my name is on the deeds...some good news at last, eh ?

*N0llaighSh0na - No, thankfully not married, he proposed years ago but I refused (was that a fucking omen or what !!)

I actually live next door to my parents so I can't really suggest moving in without it being obvious that something is wrong.

I'll cope with it through Christmas. What I'm actually quite worried about now is OH's sister. She and I are pretty close, she's quite sensitive and will pick up that something is wrong between us. But I honestly don't want to have the conversation with her that I've had with all of you.