Mid 30's women and the desert that is dating at that age.

[leopardprintsock]

It seems to be a difficult age,

1. not many single men about, the decent ones are married, the ones that are left tend to be single for a reason
2. recently seperated/ divorced men seem to want to play the field and tend to be very bitter and/ or just want to shag around
3. when they are ready for something serious they look a lot younger ( as experienced at work this week, when a portly 43 year old man asked out a hot 24 year old woman who has just started working there, im the next youngest, single person to him, but i was totally over looked)

Bit of an observation, just wondering if anyone had thought the same, or experienced the same.

How old are you OP?

I found myself suddenly single at 31, having spent the previous 3.5 years with someone I thought I would marry. It was a massive shock to the system.

I got myself straight onto online dating. I live in a small town, and just thought there was very little chance of me meeting anyone new.

I met one guy who was clearly just out for a bit of fun - I had fun with him, I made the mistake of getting a bit too keen and I didn't take it too well when he disappeared - but it was a lesson well learned, and fun while it lasted.

The second guy I met is now my wonderful boyfriend of 3 years. He was in his late thirties, recently divorced, totally ready for a relationship. We are very, very happy. When I ask my DP what he was looking for in a woman, he said he wouldn't have bothered with anyone much younger, because they wouldn't have been after the same thing as him.

So not all recently divorced men are bitter or just want to play the field. Granted, some do, but that's the same of any age.

Get yourself our there, or online, and keep an open mind. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince - god knows I did - but you won't find anyone without trying.

Good luck

If you don't have kids and you are mid 30's I think many men will fear the biological alarm clock that may be ringing!

Mid 30s is a dating desert???

Sheesh, don't look good for me (mid 50s) then .

It's not a desert. That makes you seem like a glass half empty sort of a person and potential dates might be picking up on that.

Ive had a lot of dating experience, i have been single for 6 years. Ive kissed more frogs than anyone should ever have to.

Im not a half empty person and certainly no dates would be picking up on that even if i were as ive not been on any dates since early summer.

I have a child and dont want any more so im sure it cant be a case of men fearing the biological clock.

How are men supposed to know you don't want another child? I'm afraid talking to male friends of mine the fear of the ticking biological clock is a very real one.

I'm 34 and having a great time. It's true about some wanting to play the field but not the majority - the part about them
Having issues is more accurate. Now I have been divorced a while I have learned to avoid the never married or had kids (one or the other is a pre requisite) but mainly because I realised one of my exes is single at 36 because he thinks no woman is good enough for him

I'm enjoying being single this time around. Lots of blokes around and because I have dc already I am liberated from the ticking clock

I met my dp at 34 & he's not been married nor had kids & is now Dad to my 12 week old...plus is 'normal'' & very lovely. Just hadnt met the right person yet like me! They are out there! ;)

I think it's very easy to get to mid-30s without having kids or marrying so I wouldn't write someone off for not having done so. Most of the men I know seems to think it would be practically teen parenthood to have kids before 38, and men are less likely to hit early 30s and feel the urge to marry whoever they happen to be with at the time.

It's very easy to get to mid 40's and beyond without having kids or marrying...Circumstances are unique, I have met a bloke who was with a women who was infertile. He loved her and stayed with her and endured numerous miscarriages and cycles of IVF. He is in his 50's now, they were together for over 15 years.

why are you worried that a 'portly' 43 yo asked out someone younger when you are 'next in line' if you weren't interested in him in the first place, why would you be bothered..?

I have certainly not found it to be a desert, and I am 35 so right in the middle of your demographic. To be honest you do seem a little bit negative and ever so slightly defensive. Perhaps it is coming across without you realising, OP?

I wondered that too Snapespeare

oh and…gender change..'not many single women about, the decent ones are married, the ones that are left tend to be single for a reason'

would this fly? really?

Why is there no like facility on mn?

I didn't find that at all, in fact entirely the opposite.

I left my ex when I was 34, spent a year having lots of fun, then got together with my now DH at 35. He was just out of a long relationship and had no intention of getting heavily involved, but when I told him about 2 months into things that I wasn't up for just being his fuck buddy, we got serious.

Just over 3 years later we are married with a wee one on the way

My point is that I was really excited to be 34 and single - I was the best me is ever been, happy, confident and excited about who might be around the corner. I think that I projected that and I was fending men off, honestly!! It's a running joke with DH that I had a weekday guy and him as my weekend guy (because he lived in another city) and he wasn't far wrong!

Give yourself a kick up the bum, get out there with an air of positivity and see what happens - its exciting!!

Its more that he overlooked the few single women nearer to his age and went for someone 20 years his junior. Something that i have seen happen quite a bit.

I have noticed that a lot of single men in their 30s are generally looking for women in their 20s to have a relationship with, yes. Obviously not all of them are that shallow but it's definitely a trend.

Not a desert at all !

I met dh when I was 30 with one dd aged 8. He was 23 and living on his mum's sofa having just dropped out of university... didn't seem too good on paper but we hit it off and he wanted the same things as me relationship wise.

We are now several years later with ds 18 months and I am a sahm with dh now earning a decent ish wage and not sleeping on the sofa anymore but owning my house with me and paying the mortgage instead :) we got married 2 years ago.

Just be open minded and try not to judge people so easily based on age etc. And mostly have fun, go on a lot of dates. Kiss a lot of frogs.

I got to my early 30s without having kids or marrying. But I had similar issues to the OP - I got to my mid-30s & wanted to settle down, but the single guys in the same position were very rare. I'd done all my fun, no-strings dating in my 20s. Most guys were either divorced with kids (which might be fine for others, but I would have preferred a childless guy) or looking for someone in their 20s to settle down with. Or, and this might be a London thing, they were looking to move out if London (I certainly wasn't!)

In the end I was very lucky to meet my now-DP when I was 34. But I won't deny that it was a slog!

YES. I totally find this. Someone older once said to me 'spend your mid 30s building your career because when you hit YOR early 40s you'll be drowning in divorced men looking for their second marriage'.
I've certainly found that men in my age range are either attached or enjoying either no-strings or serial monogamy and aren't really looking to commit to anyone.
I've ended up accidentally having a reasonably good career simply through lack of relationship to put effort into tbh. I'm not sure whether I'd read shut I'd certainly like to meet someone. I've had it up to -here- with online dating though - full of guys who just want a few dates and some sex and have no intention of anything meaningful in emotional terms. And yes that has left me feeling a little bruised I'm afraid.

Maybe younger men are the answer! My DH was only 28 to my 34 when we got together, much like Fairylea and her man.

I have had fun, i do have fun and ive kissed a lot of frogs.Im open minded and have dated both 10 years up and 10 years down.

This was more a general observation than anything.

Your not YOR.
And 'read shut' ? Ready but' I think.

Disagree.
Plenty of normal, decent men around.