Mid 30's women and the desert that is dating at that age.

[leopardprintsock]

It seems to be a difficult age,

1. not many single men about, the decent ones are married, the ones that are left tend to be single for a reason
2. recently seperated/ divorced men seem to want to play the field and tend to be very bitter and/ or just want to shag around
3. when they are ready for something serious they look a lot younger ( as experienced at work this week, when a portly 43 year old man asked out a hot 24 year old woman who has just started working there, im the next youngest, single person to him, but i was totally over looked)

Bit of an observation, just wondering if anyone had thought the same, or experienced the same.

Actually I found it fine out there at mid thirties. Yes there were a few chancers and time wasters, I had a few 1NSs and a few 12NSs lol but I then met my ex who was lovely but had massive baggage. But that made me realise I wanted my own family unit. So I started dating my recent DP.

He had been in a LTR with a lady 16 years older than himself (they had met when he was early 20s). She had a child that he helped raise. So suddenly he was late 30s, no family, no ties bar work, and I snapped him up lol

Been with my chap nearly a year. He is 49, same as me. He has no kids, he and ex had fertility problems, failed IVF's etc.

Should he have been looking for a younger woman, cause I am well past it?

Thankfully he is a decent bloke. Plenty out there

mrstrellis. i didnt mean everyone, of course there will be some decent ones there but it seems they are few and far between.
people judge, everyone is entitled to an opion and thats fine. i dont believe i said otherwise? it was bant who said he should be able to ask out 24 year olds without snickering behind his back occuring.

Leopard the thing about men being single for a reason is such a silly, limiting thing to say. You are missing out on some absolute gems if you take that view. DH was late thirties when we met and had just spent years and years totally focused on his career. But actually he is a very family oriented man (used to spend his precious time off visiting family). I spent my life gallivanting about until I met him. We now have our own family.

Don't rule people out before you give them a chance. And I agree with the poster upthread - it helps to be happy and positive. DH said he remembered thinking, 'This girl doesn't need me.' And I didn't need him because I had a good job, home, hobbies, friends. He was the same. Because of that we knew we were choosing to be together for the right reasons - because we wanted to be together.

leopard I find your statement that the situation in your workplace is faintly stupid to be more than faintly distasteful. He may not know she is a lesbian if she is new. Nothing else is anyone else's business. Certainly not yours. There are plenty of apparently mismatched couples who are very happy. I'm sure that they would be delighted to know that you find them faintly stupid.

Alternatively they might not give the faintest fuck.

Leopard, I wouldn't put everything you said in but I might put "one DD and happy with that" or something - bit I don't know much about online dating!

Yes I should be able to ask out whomever I choose. I prefer not, as they are generally too immature for my tastes and I'd prefer to date someone with life experience but I know of several happy relationships where the man is 15-20 years older than the woman, also ones where the woman is several years older than the man. I think if people have a connection, that's the most important thing.

Maybe this portly guy didnt know she was gay. Maybe he thought she went for older men and thought she'd been flirting. Possibly she could have been interested but would never dare ask him out in case the office gossips started accusing her of being a gold digger. Seems like that kind of place.

There are several workplace relationships at my office which would seem at first glance unlikely, but it's not my place -or anyone else's place - to judge. The ones who do so are generally embittered single people who will try to find any way to feel superior to others. I'm sure that's not the case with your colleagues of course, OP, but that's the way it is here.

No one else should have the right to judge who I choose to date as long as its between consenting adults. If I go for 20 year olds or 60 year olds, it's my choice and everyone else can keep their opinions to themselves.

I've seen a dating thread on here - have had a look and seems to have lots of supportive people on it, all with their own experiences of dating.

I met someone in my 30s, he was in his 30s. Both of us out of marriages and both hoping to find someone else. Making generalisations about what other people want is a bit silly as each person is an individual.

I was single in mid 30's. Not a lot of change there now in 40's, though have dated on and off via OD and RL. Have to agree, it's a tricky age and continues to be. OD - where a lot of 30's and 40's men either have grown up children and don't want to get involved with someone with a younger child or have not had their children yet so are looking for someone younger. Then there's the, messed up the first family so would like to start a new one.
Now this is not all men and someone around my own age may prove me different one day, but it won't be through online dating. in RL I get "how come someone like you is still single?" whereas OD, not much interest until I up the age limit above 55 - bingo! Think I'll stick to RL, less frequent but better quality. Joining activity/social clubs helps.

i do like the way some posters make things up to try and justify what they are saying.

we dont even work in an office, the man is on min wage while shes on considerably more. she is engaged and wears a ring and its not me laughing, its the whole place.

i wouldnt say the whole workplace was full of bitter single people either. the majority are in relationships or married.

not quite sure where this is all coming from and slagging off my workplace wasnt quite what this thread was about.

You're coming across as very defensive op. Dating is funny! Or its meant to be. Even the old guy asking the lesbian out at work is funny. Nothing to get angry or bothered about.

Old fat guy asks young engaged lesbian for date. Priceless

Just remembered that when I was online dating I had a message from one guy who was in his 30s (so I thought oh let's have a read then).. saying that he thought I'd be nice for his dad- who was literally about 80! (He even sent a photo of his dad... and said he was very young at heart. Well he'd have to be...).

That was very amusing :)

without wishing to 'slag off your workplace' it doesn't sound very friendly if everyone is laughing at this chap because he asked someone out and got turned down.

'the man is on minimum wage while shes on consdierably more' is it usual for a man to earn more than a woman in order for her to possibly find him attractive (despite his portliness) or for a longer term relationship to be successful? I'm not sure how much he earns is relevant...

Don't know why leopardprintsock's getting a hard time about her workplace anecdote.

Of course the "portly" guy had a right to ask the younger woman out. Of course it wasn't his fault he didn't know she's a lesbian.

But cases like this do often attract a certain amount of mirth amongst onlookers, & I daresay it's because sometimes the pursuer - in my experience, generally male - can appear to be a little lacking in self-awareness. No harm in him giving it a go, but it may be a bit self-deluding of him to think he has a serious chance with someone much younger, more attractive, more highly qualified, etc. etc.

Sometimes opposites attract, sure. And sometimes people without a whole load to recommend them are utterly oblivious to this fact & make a fool of themselves. Not the OP's fault, she was just repeating what happened!

49 - to be fair it IS funny, which is why people are laughing at him. His choice and all, but people are allowed to find it amusing.

Dating is fun and i have had my fair share of it, I have run of out steam for the last year or so. Its less fun to be on the receiving end of being messed about and i think there are enough threads on this board to show thats the case.

bestonever - that is what i have found to be the case. In rl i get the ' how on earth are you single, while online i get 20 year olds wanting an older woman fantasy ( and they are happy to say thats the case) ,men who are 50 or men who are weeks out of a 20 year marriage and want to be saved or to get revenge on their ex wife.

Im not angry, im not anything about it anymore. It is what it is, like i said, just observations and wondering if others had experienced the same.

snapemerrilyonhigh - no, but Bant said she possibly didnt want to seem like a golddigger, so it was HIM who made the assumption and posted it all over the thread, i just corrected that.

loonvanboom - thank you, some sanity pervails!

aah! gotcha! :) that explains it perfectly, thank you!

Yes, and that was why i posted to say i dont know why posters make stuff up and post it all over a thread, just to back up what they were saying.

I clearly posted in reponse to bant, that was over looked and someone comes in and kicks me a bit more trying to make me look like a bad guy for just re telling something that happened as an example.

That wasnt even the point of the thread, it was just an example of how difficult it is, because quite often, though not always, then men who should be within my dating demographic, are chasing women who are not and have no interest of dating them.

I'm much older than you, but finding OD mostly fine. Just don't reply to muppets and don't take it all too seriously and get yourself over to the Dating Thread where advice and support is available in abundance

it wasnt clear to me that it was in response to bant, which is why I posted, because it seemed to me that you were making a supposition that men should be better paid than women in order for them to be able to ask them out.

so, to get back to your original point, plenty of other posters have made the point that quite often, though not always, they've been dating very successfuly in their thirties, including meeting men who want to settle down, raise a family etc... so, these men are definetly out there.

Of course, people are allowed to find anything amusing. However, laughing at someone else's lack of self awareness is cruel, in my opinion, and the fact that you know that other people are laughing at him implies that people are also gossiping about him.

Maybe he asked her out because she's a nice person and doesn't judge him just because he's portly and earns minimum wage?

I can't can't say that I noticed a lack of suitable men in my mid-30s, OP. I was single then, but only very briefly.