Mid 30's women and the desert that is dating at that age.

[leopardprintsock]

It seems to be a difficult age,

1. not many single men about, the decent ones are married, the ones that are left tend to be single for a reason
2. recently seperated/ divorced men seem to want to play the field and tend to be very bitter and/ or just want to shag around
3. when they are ready for something serious they look a lot younger ( as experienced at work this week, when a portly 43 year old man asked out a hot 24 year old woman who has just started working there, im the next youngest, single person to him, but i was totally over looked)

Bit of an observation, just wondering if anyone had thought the same, or experienced the same.

yes, yes. we're told to aim 20 years odd in seeking partners… so 40 year old women should aim at blokes in their sixties (pension funds, disinherit children in favour of younger wife! huzzah! ) i don't get this preoccupation with age. if i like someone, then i like them. if someone tends towards younger women, then let the get on with it… the same as men who don't want their partner to have DCs. they have mindset. let them enjoy that and not meet someone amazing because they fall outside their parameters.

i internet dated for a while. i waded, chest high, through frogs. then i snagged m'bloke. 12 years younger than me and outstandingly kind and lovely (& damnhot) i think you just need to plough on and wait it out.

or dare to date the podgy.

Also, men might be looking for 20s, but that doesn't mean they're going to get it. And eventually we are all human and when we fall for someone we fall, regardless of age etc.

OP you know that podge absolutely has the right to ask put anyone he finds attractive don't you? And that he is well within his rights to npt find you attractive? I only say this as you appear to be taking this a little bit personally.

Exactly, he asked, it worked. The hot 24 year old is clearly attracted to him, so he's not kidding himself.

One day you'll laugh at this OP. Everyone goes through periods of thinking they (and the weird guy who breathes deeply on the Tube) are the only people who are single.

“A man is as young as the woman he feels.” Groucho Marx

the 24 year old is lesbian. couldnt be less interested him if she tried.
plus he made a bit of a laughing stock of himself with people talking about him behind his back and judging him for asking out someone so much younger.

im not taking this personally at all, just an example.

Also some people really do have a type. It's nothing to do with you personally, one day someone will come along and think you are amazing and just their cup of tea.

I have a type (who is fulfilled by my dh) ... I always go for the skinny tall hairy ones who are younger than me. I used to go for 22 ish when I was 17 and as I've got older it's just stayed the same so now even though I'm mid 30s that's still my type. I expect a lot of men are the same, thus aiming for younger women.

However lots of women like older men and vice versa!

And of course that's just looks.... personality is what makes you turn the initial lust into a falling in love scenario.

It's all an odd mix really. And easy to feel alone when you're single.

Whoops I got the impression from your post that she'd been keen. But seeing as she was not, if this keeps happening then at some point he will have to get real about his market value. But at that point a 25 year old will probably come along with a thing for podgy older men.

I'm 34 and had been single for 2.5 years now and never been short of male attention. Also I recently discovered tinder and now have a steady stream of hot 20 something's at my disposal! but all I am looking for is casual sex, it may be different if I was looking for a relationship. But, bollocks to that

I think you have a point though, in that sometimes when dating online guys put 30 as a cut off point so never even get to check out your profile. Plus, a huge percentage of men (and women) in their mid 30s are married/have young family's. I reckon give it another 5 years and a lot of these first partnerships will have broken down and there will be a new wave of decent single guys again. But then, I'm a cynical old witch!

yes, if i wanted casual id have my pick. However after 6 or so years i would rather like a little more than that.

i dont even feel alone, im so used to it now. im happy with my life, like i said just wondered on these points.

Leopard it's OK to admit that you're sad you know. Six years without a relationship would upset most people. If you want a little rant, have a little rant. But if you pose it as intellectual talking points then people are going to point out that it's not strictly true.

Whereabouts are you, OP? I think in cities, especially London, there are plenty of single mid-30's blokes.

But elsewhere, it can be a dearth. I used to call it "30-something dating hell"

I think you can feel under pressure when you really want to meet someone. It can be pretty disheartening (to say the least)

I don't think there's a dearth of dating guys in general (in my experience); it's that there's a lack of willingness from the men i've encountered to commit to a serious relationship.
Obviously there are some out there and some women have been lucky enough to find them - but in my experience it's like looking for a needle in a haystack and it's a pretty demoralising experience.
I decided I'd rather be single than continue to feel bad about myself because of online dating superficiality and short term ism. My choice. Makes me a little sad though.

Did she say yes??

Im not sad, im indifferent.

i dont live in london or any city for that matter. live a bit rurally, location probably has a big bearing on these kind of things.

feeling orange, no, she said no and everyone at work is laughing at him while some say its a bit creepy.

I was mid 40s when I started dating again, which attracted the retired or those men who wanted someone to look after them in their old age. Didn't have the biological clock issue, but certainly wasn't ready for pipe and slippers. To be fair, I did also date younger men too, but it's the chemistry between you which is important, not the age. I have been with my DP for three years now - he's 5 years younger than me. Tbh dating can be problematic whatever the age. Not everyone on the dating circuit wants the same, i.e. serious , casual, kids, no kids etc. I think you just have to plod on until you meet that special one who has the same ideals as you.

Well personally as a guy in his late 30s, divorced a couple of years ago, I tend to go for women in their early to mid 30s, sometimes late 30s or early 40s. Sometimes late 20s but younger than that I'd think it was a bit crass.

However, I have found that some women in their mid to late 30s are openly urgently looking to have children within the next two years, some are bitter with what life has thrown at them and it shows, and some are mildly deranged.

I have a fairly wide age-filter on my OD proflie, I generally go for looks and personality over age. There are a large number of women in their mid 30s who are single for a reason.

Bant, do you want any more children? Because if you know for sure you don't then it makes sense for those you date to find that out ASAP.

Bant my BIL would agree with you, he found the same with some women desperate for children. So he became more realistic about dating women his age and older and is now with a lovely, slightly older, lady with no desire to have any more children.

I do think we all have to be realistic - in general a woman in her early 50s does not want to go out with someone approaching 70. A man in his early 50s is unlikely to attract a woman in their early 30s and a woman in their early 30s may want children if she hasn't had any so far. Some people have lots of baggage and may not want anything other than a casual relationship, others may never have found "the one" and are desperate to find it.

When people become more honest in what they put in their profiles, not bending the truth about age, interests, goals etc, maybe we wouldn't have to kiss so many frogs to find compatible partners.

What is with this "desperate" for children thing?

If I was Australian and wanted to move back there someday, there'd be no point me dating someone who wanted to live their whole life in England. Wouldn't make me desperate, just makes me clear about what I want.

I've got two DC who I love, I'd be open to the idea of more with the right person once I've spent enough time with that person to make the decision.

That said, it's not the fact they want children that puts me off, it's the fact they want to have them next week if possible. It's like they're shouting over the sound of the ticking of their biological clock, and I don't like shouty people.

I'm open to the idea of getting married again, too. But I don't want the first date to be planning the ceremony. I want to have time to see the world with the person first and then make my choice. I have the luxury of time, I'm aware of that. And if I really fancied a 24 year old and thought we got on really well, then I should be allowed to ask her out without everyone snickering at my choice. It could turn out to be a match made in heaven.

The reverse true round my way. I'm a guy in his late 30s, trying to find single women in their 30s is almost impossible (even allowing for those aforementioned "desperate for babies coz their clock is ticking" women).

MrsTrellis, the last person who started a thread about a male friend of hers in your position was inundated - if you fancy risking that...

I dont even want more children, cant have another one as im infertile, but not the sort of thing you plaster all over your dating profile, is it.

I too go for looks and personality over age, as ive said upthread ive dated 10 years up and 10 down.

I do think its to do with men not wanting committments, it seems ( and from this thread) that there is nothing worse than a woman saying she wants to settle down, even when shes on a dating site, which is designed to help with such. Crazy.

And people judge, this guy that asked her out has been, because it is faintly stupid ( more so as shes lesbian) and if you saw him, and then saw her ( and the fact its not because they have got on well as shes new).

Doctrine - the MN dating service? Hmmm, not sure about that!

Leopard - yes, people judge. So do you. Because you said right off the bat that any single guy in his 30s is not decent, single for a reason, divorced, want to play around, bitter, just shag, only interested in much younger women and then added, for good measure, they don't want commitments.

I am single because of a break-up of a long-term relationship, although we weren't married. So, not divorced. Am I bitter? No. Am I just after a shag? No. Am I only looking at women 10 years younger than me? No. Would I like to be married/have commitments? Yes.

So we do exist.